Friday, June 15, 2007

Write Sex Week: Day Five

by Kristina Lloyd and Nikki Magennis

Ain’t she a doll?

Yes, you’re looking at Lust Bites Monster Woman: pieces of us as patched together by Dr Nikki Frankenstein Magennis!

Heck – and you thought this week’s debates were scary. All we need is a bolt of lightning and this honey could be walking, talking and inviting you back to her place. LBMW hasn’t yet been named. Any ideas?

LBMW, you’ll notice, is a tad underdressed so Alison Tyler and Nikki Franki have been busy sewing T-shirts to clothe the poor lovely. And they have made a Lust Bites shop! Check it out in the sidebar on the right. Scroll down a bit. And a bit more. Mmm, yes, just a touch lower, yes, yes, there, ohhhh yes! Our shop. I'm so proud. And we are open for business. You can buy knickers with our name on! And T-shirts and mugs and you can hire hot men to come visit you and tattoo I heart Lust Bites across your buttocks!

Anyway, it’s been a fun week, hasn’t it? We must do it again sometime.

Thanks to all who played Guess the Gender. Alas, no one got all 7 excerpts correct, not even The Gender Genie. Nikki and Amy S got 5, so I think Amy S gets the prize. Amy S email us at, erm, oh bollocks ... at lustbitesladies AT yahoo DOT com (Hey, don’t look at me, ladies and gents. I didn’t choose the address.)

And here are the answers with some maths I did. The correct answers with the % who guessed right is highlighted in purple. For the full excerpts, check out Write Sex Week: Day One.

1/ She said, did I want her to show me what women like. I said yes.

You said: Female 46% Male 54% Gender Genie: Female Answer: FEMALE

From: Susanna Moore, In The Cut – a book loved by many Lusties, I suspect, and I am one of them.

2/ Hot-skinned and sticky about our thighs, the poet plucked me from the rock.

You said: Female 92% Male 8% Gender Genie: Female Answer: MALE

From: Lindsay Gordon, The Bond (Nexus), aka super-stylish, kink-packed vampire porn written by our very own editor, Adam Nevill of Black Lace Towers. Yes, vampires! Missy and Hank are on the run in the US of A. The whole book is female POV and I really don't know what it means that the male editor of a women-only imprint managed to fool nearly everyone into thinking he was a female author. He probably menstruates in synch with us.

3/ "Please," she repeated in a whisper as the cold stream of lubricant drizzled into her crack.

You said: Female 31% Male 69% Gender Genie: Female Answer: MALE

From: Carl Kennedy in Best Bondage Erotica (ed. Alison Tyler)

4/ How delightfully cruel he could be. And how part of her responded

You said: Female 62% Male 38% Gender Genie: Male Answer: FEMALE

From: Cleo Cordell, The Crimson Buccaneer (not DH Lawrence as was suggested). Cleo Cordell wrote for Black Lace in the 90s. The book seems to be out of print, otherwise I'd link to it.

5/ His cock slid between her lips effortlessly. She parted for him, taking him in

You said: Female 62% Male 38% Gender Genie: "The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is unknown." Answer: FEMALE

From: Sommer Marsden in Love at First Sting (ed. Alison Tyler) – ha, yes Sommer (aka Smut Girl), you managed to baffle the Gender Genie with a 50/50 split, you crafty little hermaphrodite, you.

6/ I was hungry to get my cunt stuffed with his dick again

You said: Female 69% Male 31% Gender Genie: Female Answer: FEMALE

From: a Lust Biter who ought to wash her mouth out with soap and water. 'Cynic', whoever you are, you were spot on: taken from a girlie mag, a reader’s letter as made up by the sub editor. Gawd, sub editing a porn mag. Some people will do anything for money.

7/ He has the most tender mouth, large and pink and powerful.

You said: Female 77% Male 15% Erastes (who clearly has her own gender) 8% Gender Genie: Male Answer: MALE

From: Joseph Olshan, Night Swimmer – I adore this book. It’s one of my favourites.

Anyway, that quiz was obviously just for fun but the results do raise some interesting questions about perceived notions of linguistic expression of gender identity within a heteronormative and patriarchal ...

SHUT UP! SHUT UP, I say! My ears are bleeding! The weekend starts tomorrow! I vote we all kick off our shoes (oooh, look - Jeremy already did) and play mass-footsie.

Many, many thanks to our brave/foolish manbloggers, Felix, Huck and Jeremy, and to all who've been with us this week. It's been emotional. Now please everyone, go buy a shameless Lust Bites T-shirt, and treat yourself to extra of whatever you fancy this weekend! I think we've earned it, man, woman and Erastes alike.

Kristina X

PS Next week, on the eve of the shortest night of the year in the North (ie Wed 20th June), Alison Tyler will be asking for your flash fiction - saucy snips of a 100 words or so. Alison will be picking her favourites and there will be prizes! Obviously, it's only open to women ... no, no! I'm joking! Anyone can enter, even the hedgehogs! Mark it in your diaries: Midsummer Quickies on Lust Bites, and get writing.


Portia Da Costa said...

She looks like I feel most of the time, only she's got a better figure and has nicer underwear.

Nikki Magennis said...

Well, if the hedgehog didn't freak out enough people I reckon our monster woman did the trick...

And Portia - never underestimate the powers of Photoshop...

H.L. Berry said...

Are those porno legs?

Nikki H said...

Something spooky about her face. She could be the bride of Chucky or something.

Nikki H said...

Or is it Posh Spice, hungover the next morning?

Nikki Magennis said...

Dirty Spice.

Janine Ashbless said...

Well the excerpt I liked best by a long way was Smutgirl's ... Hmm, more books to check out...

Adam wrote that girly bit about swimming poets???!!!
Well, there you you. Anyone can fake anything if they're good enough at writing.

(aka "Cynic". Sorry.)

Jeremy Edwards said...

There's something artistically compelling about LBMW. I'm not kidding.

My spam word is Zmapmcya, which I think could make a good name for your intriguing monster, on whom I think I already have a bit of a crush.

I should have done this yesterday when I was still in the limelight, but may I plug my appearance today at Michelle Pillow's Frivolous Friday? As advertised, it's completely frivolous (and does not feature the word "society").

Janine Ashbless said...

I just bought a T-shirt and mug!

I'll wear it at Cropredy*. That way I can offset festival tickets against tax because it will count as a marketing venture! Think I'll get middle-aged folky stalkers?

* Not the mug.

t'Sade said...

I was... not even remotely close. :D But, a 100 word flash fiction I can get excited about. Already working on a 1500 word one for a submission. *bounces happily*

And the picture is cool, it reminds me of the sensory hommucli pictures some college courses have you make.

Amy S. said...

Thank you!!!!!

Alison Tyler said...

God, I love that nobody got this right. It's crazy cool. And Sommer -- you rock! Look, you even confounded a machine!


Smut Girl said...

Oh yay! I fooled the genie. It thinks there's a 50/50 chance I could have a cock (attached to me, that is...). Weee!

And thank your Janine and Alison. That was a fun guessing game. Only drawback was I couldn't I couldn't win. I want to win something (whine, whine, whine...)

I'm here for five minutes and then back up to school. I'm wearing my maternal hat today ;)

p.s. While at school I was trying to compose 100 word flashers in my head...that's not wrong is it?? :)

Anonymous said...

I was gobsmacked (to indulge in Brit speak)
to see that number 7 was male.
This quiz was very amusing and enlightening.
You ladies rock. Please ignore all those
clueless missives from Huck and Jenny and
know that the rest of your audience wants
you to keep on doing your thing--
including Tshirts, of course.

kristina lloyd said...

Anonymous, thank you.

Night Swimmer (no. 7) is a stunning book - a gay love story that's beautifully written, so sad, sexy and smart. I can recommend it.

And OMG! Nikki Magennis, what *have* you been doing? Our shop is 3 times as big as it was this morning! The 'I heart Dirty Books' tote bag is completely brilliant. I want one. I will get one. There was a campaign launched this week to make Christmas 2007 plastic bag free. So if we all buy a Dirty Books bag, we can help save the planet! Make the world cleaner by making it dirtier!

Oh, we do damn good work on Lust Bites, don't we? Planet-saving porn! Wow.

Jenny said...

Are those hostess cupcakes she has in her hand? (I'm hungry)

H.L. Berry said...

Great shop, but how about some sexy items for us poor, ostracised manbloggers?

Oh wow. My spam word is ownzgres. Whatever a gres is, I own it. Woo hoo!

Ah. Second time of asking, it appears that it was a qres, not a gres.

Kate Pearce said...

I love our woman-she is so..'us'
I had a ball this week
Can I say that?
Off yo buy T-shirt!

Madeline Moore said...

I love our LBMW, even if she does look a little more like a blow up doll than a person...
Who can guess whose parts make up her parts?
Nikki, I think we need LBMW mugs, like, a mug with our mug on it.
Gosh I'm so witty with word play, I must be a writer.

Madeline Moore said...

I've just visited cafepress and I'm over the moon. Nikki, Alison - you are geniuii. (like two geniuses) Really it's fantastic and I love it and I'm so impressed my cheeks are flushed. I've already ordered the tote bag and i was so excited I didn't order a fridge magnet or a button or nothin' but, next time I'll go more slowly, this time I COULD NOT PLACE MY ORDER FAST ENOUGH! Too freaking much, Nikki and Alician. You've out done yourselves.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Nikki? She's not here at the moment. She's out doing herself.