Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Crush Wednesday: wet men

by Olivia Knight

We’ve all been there: garden party, drink in hand, exchanging witty repartee with some magnificent specimen whose eyes smoulder with wry debonair amusement, and you think – What, on earth, could possibly make you hotter? – and with a discreet nudge of the elbow, knock him into the pool.

Ahh. Wet men. (Someone else will deal with Angry men in a separate post, as I don’t do anger and am basically a non-confrontational dialogueic kind of person, as I’ve often explained very fast to men as they clamber dripping wet out of pools.)

A year ago, almost to the date, Kristina Lloyd did her lust-addled best to explain the appeal of wet men - she couldn't. (But she did supply some excellent pictures.) Nor can I. (But ditto.) It's like explaining the appeal of breasts to... who doesn't get breasts? To whom do I need to explain wet men? Just think about it:

hot men looking hotter when theyre wet

If you can explain what's so damn hot about wet men, we'll give you stuff.

A year on, we've had plenty more wet men and to celebrate their perennial appeal, we're herding them together for you.

All men are hotter wet. We don't know why, we're hoping you'll tell us, but c'mon. Think of the two hottest men in existence. Brad Pitt; John Barrowman. Could they possibly get hotter?

hot men looking hotter when theyre wet

Yes: wet.

Try it as an experiment - wander the streets, find a desperately clit-twistingly exquisite man, and pour a bucket of water over him. Ta-da! (I myself carry a bottle of water everywhere I go for this very purpose.) Want to make your hero hotter? Wet him.

'Adrian, you're soaked!' she exclaimed as she opened the door. Water ran in rivulets over his face and down the open neck of his t-shirt. His thick black hair was plastered on his cheeks as if it had been painted on. His jaw was covered in light stubble. He laughed, and she felt her eyes flare in admiration. She shouldn't be alone in the same house as this man.
The Ten Visions

It could be that wet men tend to be naked or to strip their clothes off shortly after.

It could be the artistic play of light as water slides and gleams across goose-pimpled skin. It could be the intensely private moment of getting wet and naked, those soulful thoughtful moments in the shower combined with the promise of bareness: intimacy of body and mind.

Let's consider that while we look at these, so that we're being philisophical and artistic instead of downright lewd.

hot men looking hotter when theyre wet

It could be a harkening back to primeval memories of when we all trawled the oceans, flapping our gills in glee.
It could be a hankering after mermen.
It could be a half-baked excuse for more wet men.

hot men looking hotter when theyre wet

Scroll up and down, drool, dribble, whimper gently, and once more, if you can explain what's so hot about wetness, we'll give you stuff - your choice of Enchanted by Janine Ashbless, Olivia Knight and Leonie Martell, Southern Spirits by Edie Bingham, or Phantasmagoria by Madelynne Ellis, all variously featuring Men's Wetness. And if you need more inspiration, revisit Kristina's wet men.


Madame Butterfly said...

Ooooh, nice. Visual orgasms

Wet men= juicy, succulent, sweet, shiny, thirst-quenching, satisfying = yummilicious.

Please don't enter me in the contest, I have all those books already.

By the way, those books = wet men. :D

Eden Hail said...


*molests screen*

What - you want me to think after showing me all those delicious bodies, gleaming and nummy and drool-making?

Okay... how about... wet men... *brainfail* Nope, I can't think any further then that. Just...



There need be no reason.

*goes back to staring and drooling*

magdalune said...

Oh, oh, I know this one!

Wet men are so appealing because they look juicy. Fruit juice commercials do the same thing. You see a nice, ripe, bite-able piece of fruit that's practically dripping with dew, and you know when you see it that it'll explode with flavor in your mouth.

It's the same with men. Who may or may not be fruits.

You see water running down their naked bodies, you want to lick them, wondering if they taste as good as they look. When they walk around with water-soaked clothes, it's like their clothes were painted on, and you just want to strip them off so that they can clean up properly... or get dirty. And that's another one. You imagine other activities that you two could be doing to make him just as wet in another way - sweat-slick and panting - and you just wish he could make you wet in another way, too.

How's that? :)

Madeline Moore said...

ah magadune, like a poem.
Wet men are gorgeous, at least the ones in this post are. It appeals to the primitive part of our brain, we want to lick them dry.

Nice post Olivia. Thanks. I'll have pleasant dreams tonight, if I can get to sleep.

Nikki Magennis said...

Maybe it's the active thing. Milan Kundera riffed on that (but about women). I seem to remember him going on about women on tractors looking intensely hot, something.

Sooooo ... maybe wet men look like they've just been active, and that suggests movement, and that suggests 45 rapid?

And movement too - if a man's wet he's got to push his hair out of his eyes and shake himself. And there will be drips, and rivulets and shivers.

I dunno, I think Magdalune's onto something with the dewy fruit thing too. Maybe they smell more stronger when they're wet?

I think I have to do some experiments. Am awaiting the postman now with bucket ...

Janine Ashbless said...

Olivia that was gorgeous. (But who buried John Abraham up to his waist in sand? And who got to brush it off afterwards?) My start-of-work has just been put back a while. Yum. Oh god.

Wet men look good because they look out of control, no longer confined by civilised manners.

Portia Da Costa said...

I think I must be out of step with the entire female population of the planet... because I just don't go for images of wet men.

They don't make me go 'Phwoarrrrgh!' in the way a photo of a well groomed man in a beautifully cut suit and immaculate shirt and tie would.

But it's great that we all like different varieties of male totty... more goodies to go around, eh? :)

Louisa said...

Wow, those pics are seriously hot! Personally, I think the appeal (for me anyway) is it makes a man look dishevelled, slightly vulnerable and spoiled, in a sexy kind of way. And those wet clothes clinging to his skin give a hint at what lies beneath. Speaking of which I think I’d better go lie down and cool off! Great stuff.

Madelynne Ellis said...

Now for me the whole wet men thing just about being all primal. It's the same reason I enjoy thunderstorms :-)

Lovely pics, Olivia.

And as Madame Butterfly pointed out, Phantasmagoria does feature a rain-soaked man (sadly it isn't Vaughan.)

t'Sade said...

Well, those are absolutely lovely little pictures. In general, wet men are fantastic, though the one waist-deep in sand got another button going. Now, I need to go find a story with some wetness in it. ^_^

Neve Black said...

First of all I'm still laughing so hard from you pushing men into pools at garden parties and carrying bottles of water around in your handbag, specifically for dousing poor, unexpected...hotties. Crack up!

I'm tuning in late here, so I'm concuring with Louisa's comments about how wet men somehow appear to look vulnerable. Wet men definately stir those visceral juices inside (no pun). From a emotional standpoint, men are supposed to be pillars of strength: The broad, well-developed shoulders and pectorals muscles to cry on. When a man is wet, it softens them a bit; making them seem more empathetic and sympathetic to my needs.

kristina lloyd said...

Very nice! I think you should make this an annual event. Or maybe weekly.

I'm with Nikki. I think it's all about the suggestion of movement, plus the way it draws your eye to his skin and the contours of his muscles as the droplets trickle down, down, down ... Which I will now demonstrate by showing you this super sexy splashy book cover - which has nothing to do with me or with a writer I know, so it's not a shameless plug; it's a shameless letch.

This, however, *is* a shameless plug for me and several lusties, and is one of the hottest, wettest covers I've seen from Black Lace.

And look, Mr Wet finally made it to Amazon so even more people can gawp at him!

kristina lloyd said...

Also, are you going to do Angry Men or was that just a joke and a tease?

Because I would find a Sneery Bastards Angry Men photo post very hot indeed. Oh, go on. It's my birthday in late October. I've been good all year, honest.

Kate Pearce said...

I have no words...
but I did write an excellent scene in my upcoming Cheek book "Riding the Line" about my hero getting doused in a bucket of soapy water by the heroine, who them grabs her and kisses her stupid. so I get it, I really get it but I can't explain it:)
Lovely-thank you!

Angell said...

LMAO @ Eden. I'm with her.

Those are DEFIANTELY the most yummy pics I've seen in awhile.

Wetness begets wetness...but I'm going to stop before saying anything else.

Why are wet men so hot (yummy, desirable etc.)? The same reason that kittens are soft fluffy and cute.

They just are.

Olivia Knight said...

I've been out all day hurling men into the canal, so coming late to my own party...

Angell - sorry, I can. Kittens & puppies are carniverous mammals, so in later life they're snouty and just a bit ordinary looking. While young, though, they have flat faces in order to suckle. We keep our flat faces throughout - so during that phase, they look more like us. Plus their eyes are large, which we associate with babies, so even someone as allergic to children as myself is genetically hard-wired to respond to flat-faced big-eyed critters. Like this.

So that's kittens solved. Wet men? Still no idea. Personally I like my merman theory.

Mme Butterfly - damn, there goes our opportunity to repay your generosity with your fabulous reviews!

Magdalune - like it. I'll try biting a wet man & see if he tastes better.

Janine - it was me. John's very obliging, when you get to know him...

Kristina - kudos for supplying yet more wet men - Angry men will have to be someone else. I was thinking about dirty men, too. Then I wondered if the appeal might be quite elemental. Water - wet men. Yum. Earth - dirty men. Yum. Air - um - flying men? Actually, yum. Fire - burning men? Sigh. This happens to all my theories.

Madeline Moore said...

Firemen, Olivia! My favourite, and a fave with lots of women.

Constructon workers? Farmers?
Wet men!

Elementary, my dear Olivia.

Janine Ashbless said...

I went to our local firestation open day at the weekend and ogled the firefighters.

I just wanted to tell you that so I could imagine Madeline's face.

Kirsten Monroe said...

Love the pics! My theory is that a guy willing to get soaked and splash about is more fun. I find playfulness to be very sexy, so it works for me. Now I'm all wound up. Hmmm....there's a super soaker (squirt gun) in the garage. The sun is shining. It's a fine day for a water fight :)

tls said...

I think wet men are sexy because there's something both vulnerable and primal (or uncivilized) in all the dripping, slick, exposed skin.

JenB said...

Screw the reasons. Let's just enjoy. Wetter is definitely better. *licks screen*

I want Southern Spirits!!!

Madame Butterfly said...

JenB- Southern Spirits is such a good book! I'm reading it now. You'll love it!

Lil said...

The appeal? Clean, shiny, slick, hard bodies....what's not to like? Rivulets of water to follow with your eyes, fingers, lips...and drops to play connect the dots.

Sarah said...

Oh, wet men. Merow.

Miss Trixie said...

I once read a whole chapter of theories on why wet bodies are sexy to so was that humans, like fish, are attracted to glittery, sparkly things. I personally think that wetness better defines male musculature; after all, why else would every beefcake model since the beginning of time be oiled up? (Gotta admit, though, the only time I'm ever attracted to an oily man is if I'm greasin' him up myself.) Wet men just look so primal and uninhibited, yet invitingly vulnerable. Uhh...can't think anymore, those sumptuous shower pics are getting to me (plus I've got residual lust from ogling swimmers and divers the last two weeks). Anyway, there's my two cents (or 1.2 p, whatever the exchange rate is these days)...

Lucy Felthouse said...

I can't explain it. I seem to have lost the power of speech... sorry!

All I know is I wouldn't mind a go with them all, or possibly even all at once! Naughty me! ;)

fawn*land said...

Well, for me the fun was always drying them off!