Showing posts with label madelynne ellis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label madelynne ellis. Show all posts

Friday, November 7, 2008

Vampire Bites

by Janine Ashbless


"I do not drink … coffee."


Bwa ha ha…


Vampires. They’re insatiable, they’re everywhere and they’re hungry for sex as well as blood. Gone are the days when they hung out in dingy castles in the Carpathians and stole the occasional filthy peasant baby for dinner. Nowadays it’s all sharp clothes and nightclubs and urban gangsterism, or exotic locales, designer drugs and hard liquor. And yes – they’re well into the sex thing these days. Omnisexual and sadistic, travel may have broadened their minds but they’re just as mean as ever ol’ Dracula was.


In Lust at First Bite, the new Black Lace anthology of sexy vampire short stories, you’ll find vampires in Venice, in Egypt and on the Ganges, in the theatre and the suburbs, Coney Island and remote hotels and the offices of media executives. And since four of us Lusties have stories in the collection, here’s your sneak peek:



The Oasis at Night by Madeline Moore

(Charles and Miriam are searching for the lost tomb of Cleopatra deep in the Egyptian desert…)

Charles shimmied down. He tongued orange in and out of her sex, until the mangled fruit disappeared down his throat. An inch from his eyes, her inner lips were delicate, and scarlet. Beneath her skin a vein pulsed so strongly he could count her heartbeats. He sucked one tender lip into his mouth. With it held between the lips of his mouth, he could feel the throb of her blood as it pulsed.

It was so tempting … He let his incisors sink into the flesh, just a tad, still divided by a thin sensitive film of flesh. She groaned, so he did it again and then released her pussy from his mouth like a beast of prey dropping its catch.

‘I could eat you, little bird,’ he said. He propped himself on his elbows and stretched his body the length of hers. ‘And I might. But not tonight.’

‘Tonight is all we have, Charles,’ she whispered.

‘I still need you,’ he whispered back.

He entered her then, roughly, in one hard thrust that travelled deep inside her tight tunnel. Six hard strokes and he’d had enough of it. Too soft, this tunnel, too yielding.

He pulled out, flipped her over, yanked her to all fours and was in her bum before she could take another ragged breath. The rougher he got, the louder she got. He wound his fist in her hair and tugged her head back. Her mouth dropped open and she was shrieking, which made him laugh. He couldn’t see the pulse in her throat but it didn’t matter any more, he could hear it, or was it his own pulse, his own heartbeat recklessly, wildly fuelling the monster between his legs.




Sometimes They Come Back by Portia Da Costa

(Richard, having walked out on his wife Mel, returns to their house in the hope of reconciliation…)

Sounds from upstairs made him nearly faint in an agony of mental pain.

It was voices. Mel’s and that of a man. Low with pleasure and ragged, as if deliciously close to orgasm.

He almost flew up the stairs, more sure footed now, his anguish lending him wings.

In the bedroom, as he burst in, exactly the tableau that he’d feared assaulted his eyes.


His Mel, astride another man, her body magnificent in torn black lingerie, her eyes wild with lust and hot dark glee as she gazed down at the pale muscular form of her lover. A lean man, ripped and powerful, with long flaxen hair.

Richard froze, unable to speak or move. He could do nothing but watch in a saturation of horror and grinding despair.

Slowly, slowly, Mel undulated and rocked on the body of her paramour, her slender form hypnotic in its grace and almost glowing, fluorescent with sensuality. Slowly, slowly she turned her head to the side and looked straight at Richard, her beau
tiful face a disdainful mask of passion. Her eyes still on him, she reached down to the apex of her thighs, where she sat on the slim hips of her lover, and languidly, almost insultingly, strummed her clit.

Her lips were red, decadently stained, and her neck was bleeding, just as the neck of the man beneath her was.

Only her blood, and her companion’s, was almost black
.




The Blood of the Martyrs by Janine Ashbless

(Emily and her lover Paolo have accidentally released an undead medieval saint from his Venetian crypt…)

‘Ah.’ Aronne’s breath was hot in my lips. ‘This is sin.’

‘It will be forgiven,’ I whispered.

He stared. We were both trembling now. Ghost-pale, his cock sprang out into my grasp. Hot velvet skin moved under my hands as I measured his rigid length. I dared to look down. His prick was big and ruthlessly eager, not sharing his misgivings. A bead of moisture gleamed at the tip: no pearl, but a ruby.

I wanted to take the body and blood in my mouth.

Do this in remembrance of Me.

Stolen clothes. Stolen memories. They were too much for him. This saint had the appetites of a predator, whetted to a razor edge by years of deprivation and darkness. His eyes were scarlet reflective discs of light as he stooped and picked me up, jamming me against the chapel bars. And then he opened my loose pyjama jacket, the last pathetic piece of clothing between me and those jaws, and with immense care bit my breasts, over and over. His teeth were so sharp that the bites hurt comparatively little, but every puncture sent the lightning of Heaven crashing through my body. His tongue burned and soothed me simultaneously, lapping at my flesh. I wrapped my legs around his torso and knotted my hands in his white hair and rode the waves of shock and euphoria, surrendering myself to his strength and his need.



And last but not least…

El Alquimista by Madelynne Ellis

(Jessamine has gone to confront the vampire called the Alchemist over the death of her lover Billy…)

I’m like a furnace now, burning up. But the Alchemist never stops coaxing. ‘You shouldn’t have gone so long without a lover,’ he says. ‘Your hunger is consuming you. I can ease that. I can make it all go away. Just give me the word and we’ll make a bond.’

I want him; crave him with every ounce of my being, but the price he’s asking is far too high.

When he nicks my ear lobe, panic floods my veins and I rise up beneath him. I don’t escape. Our bodies just press closer, but he does release my wrists. ‘You must know how this works,’ he says. ‘I need to take a little the better to give.’

‘No. I saw what you did to Billy, you won’t take that from me.’

‘Are you implying that your boyfriend was bisexual? Do you imagine I fucked his arse as I took his blood?’

‘No!’ I don’t know what I’m protesting at: the implication that I’d imagined it or the image he is planting. Billy was true to me. This beast preyed upon him. They were never lovers.

But I can see them entwined now. Billy’s knees on the floor, his upper body supported by the white sofa and his hand on his cock, wanking himself while the Alchemist thrust roughly into his arse.

‘Stop it,’ I gasp. ‘Stop planting these images.’

‘Why?’ he laughs. ‘They’re turning you on.’



If you want to read more then you can buy Lust At First Bite from Amazon UK as of this week, or pre-order from Amazon US (out in January). Just the thing for those long Winter nights…

Sweet dreams!

xxx
Janine

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Halloween Giveaway!

by Madeline Moore




Yikes! Is that picture scary or what? Well, Halloween is coming, dear Lust Bites readers, which means two things.

1) Time to get your freak on!

2) Time for the Lust Bites Halloween Giveaway!


This year, we are giving away another impressive batch of erotica books, penned by some of the best writers of erotica working today. That's right, penned by Lusties! First Prize is all of the following:
• Amanda's Young Men by Madeline Moore
• Enchantment by Janine Ashbless, Olivia Knight, and Leonie Martell
• Wildwood by Janine Ashbless
• Phantasmagoria by Madelynne Ellis
• Roping the Wind by Kate Pearce
• Speak Its Name by Erastes,Lee Rowan, Charlie Cochrane
• Market for Love by Jamaica Layne
• something spooky by Portia da Costa
• and the so-hot-off-the-press-it-hasn't-been-released-yet anthology, which features a number of us, Lust At First Bite.

Second and third prizes are copies of Lust At First Bite.

Now, to win this particular contest you must do a little more than write a comment to this post.

We're looking for spooky submissions of no more than 200 words. It can be anything you like, a wee self-contained short story, a snippet from a longer work, or even a snippet for a book that doesn't exist. Get the picture?


Howl you should! Isn't he handsome? Don't get any fancy ideas about him, because, as you can see, he does not have a human head.

Here are a few examples. The first two come to us courtesy of Olivia Knight. They are excerpts from her novel, The Ten Visions.

Hallow's Eve in the graveyard of the University Church of St Mary the Virgin

They sat in silence as the other members gathered on the lawn again, each with a glass in hand which one of them refilled.
'Excuse me a moment,' murmured the old man, his hand brushing her shoulder gently as he stood.
She felt a rush of her earlier arousal,chasing away the sour feeling. Watching him walk towards the circle, she thought,
And why not? Older – but clearly not too old – if his eyes are anything to go by… The image of him making love to her, slowly and
tenderly, flashed through her head. It was appealing…
'Sarah!' hissed a voice. She sprang around in fright: Jo was crouched behind the bench. 'Please, you have to believe me, run! While no-one's looking – trust me, your soul depends on this, keep quiet but run!'


A winter afternoon in Duke Humphrey's Library, in the Bodleian

The rich smell of books, shuffling steps of the librarian, and hissing scratch of her pencil on paper, mingled with her thoughts. The silvery-grey pencil lead shone under the glow of the table lamp; the tiny hairs at the back of her neck teased her nape in the irregular, warm breeze.
'Sarah…'
She spun her head at the soft whisper. No-one was behind her. At
the end of the corridor, she could see the librarian quietly talking to
someone; no doubt a brief sibilance had caught her attention. She resumed
her reading and scratching.
'Sarah…'
She heard it again, hardly a breath but distinctly her name. Her
spine stiffened. The librarian and the other student had left her section;
no-one was in sight. Leaning over her books again, she couldn't move her
eyes from one word to the next. The hairs on her arm stood upright. She
waited.
'Sarah…'


Want more? Here's a snippet from Erastes:

He slid down my body, kissing my shoulder, arm, hip. He drove me wild with his lips, tongue. Teeth.
He murmured words I didn't recognise. "Subclavian, brachiocephalic, palmar, iliac, femoral."
"What's that?" I gasped. I could hardly concentrate on what he was saying because my cock was too interested in what he was doing.
"Arteries," he whispered, his tongue teasing the line of hair from my navel.
I wanted to scream with pleasure. "Are you some kind of medical student?" I gasped. I didn't care. His mouth was doing wonderful things with my balls, sucking them in and out. I couldn't have got any harder.. He could have said he was Lon Chaney at that point and I was sure I wouldn't care.
"No," he purred, "it's just an interest. A hobby." I felt his breath on the super-heated head of my cock and I nearly came from that alone.
"The sweetest of all," he said, "is the dorsal artery…and that's found…here."
Oh I screamed all right. When his teeth went in, I screamed. And screamed.



Over to you now, folks. Write us a scene, no more than 200 words, and maybe you will be treated to a bounty of sexy books, guaranteed to make your blood run....hot.
The contest starts now and will run until November 4 (the following Wednesday). So you have one week to write to win!
Winners will be announced on the following Wednesday, November 12.

Picture credits: Our werewolf comes to us courtesy of Chuff.
If you want to see more of his work, contact him at: tiger at wulistudio dot com.
The ghost and man embracing is the cover of
Sleeping with Ghosts, the fourth album released by European alternative rock band Placebo in 2003.
The two male vampires are from a half-hour TV dramatic series called
The Lair.
Madelynne Ellis photographed the First Prize bounty. Thank you!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Coming Attractions

This week here on Lust Bites... Hot naked man loving, sticky sex, and a glimpse at the pleasureable pursuits of the past. Are you tempted yet?

On Monday, Madeline Moore stops by to tell us all about the Writer's Diet. I don't think she's referring to coffee and chocolate!

Following her, on Wednesday, Kate Pearce offers up a confession: men she loves, despite herself. Hmmm, photographic evidence, please. More yummy pictures to lick.

Finally, on Friday, Erastes is here to take us on a pleasurable stroll through Harris's list of Covent Garden Ladies. Dark or fair, lithe or buxom and perhaps a dab hand with a hairbrush. There's something in there for everyone.

See you soon,

Madelynne Ellis

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Scenes We Love ~ No 2

by Madelynne Ellis




I love Labyrinth, I mean what is there not to like. It has everything, Bowie, magic, goblins, Bowie, talking worms, mazes, trippyness more Bowie... You get the idea, right?

Jareth is a seriously cool bit of hot stuff. He's pretty. He's cruel, but you know, ultimately, he just wants to be loved :-) You've gotta appreciate that in a villain.

I will confess that this isn't actually my favourite scene from the film. That'd be the ballroom scene (adore that coat), but this one perhaps provokes a stronger reaction.

Of course in my version, she says: "Sod the baby, and could you please just repeat that bit about you being my slave again."

Anyone else a Jareth fan?

Madelynne Ellis xx

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Coming Attractions


It's a mystery... Oh, it's a mystery... Please excuse the singing but that's exactly what this Monday's post here at Lust Bites appears to be. The crystal scrying ball has failed. I'm hoping it's a post about naked butts, or maybe something about tasting forbidden apples, hence this weeks inspiring piccie. But whatever it turns out to be, I'm sure it'll be worth stopping by for.

On Wednesday, the gorgeous Kate Pearce is back again to tell us about her latest release, Simply Sinful. Which I'm sure contains a fair quotient of naked man flesh.

And on Friday in the smut slot, dotty former librarian Portia da Costa will be giving us a sneak peak at her new release In Too Deep, set in a library. I swear my local isn't nearly so much fun. There certainly aren't any hot Professors lurking in the basement!

See you there...

Madelynne xx

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Crush Wednesday: Asian Men

by Madelynne Ellis

I have a thing about Asian Men. I would wax lyrical, but I think I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.



Cheekbones, kohl, all those slender, fine features. Seriously, what's not to like?

And have I mentioned I'm very fond of dark flowing locks on men?





Couldn't resist a teeny bit of the red stuff. Must be the influence off all those triad movies I watch.

And I think you all know how much I like this guy! Hours, and hours of my life have vanished courtesy of Gackt and YouTube.

So, do the Asian guys do it for anyone else. I want pictures. Tell me who your favourites are, and recommend some films and music while you're on.

Hope you've enjoyed the view!

Madelynne xxx

Monday, June 16, 2008

Devilish Delights

by Madelynne Ellis


I thought we'd have a bit of fun here on Lust Bites today (not that we don't normally have fun). Here's the deal everyone taking part gets to choose seven (not two, or nine, or eleven, or twenty-seven) men with whom they'd like to be locked in the Lust Bites dungeon. That's one for each day of the week folks. (Note: I suppose we can cope with the odd woman or minotaur if you must... Janine.)

Right other rules.

1. The "men" must be fictional characters, whether from books, stage, film, comics, or video games. Please state their name and film/book/other that they appear in and your reason for picking them.

2. Nobody is allowed to choose the same character as somebody else. If you are desperate, you can appeal to do a swap. I suggest you go in there armed with a suitably HUGE bribe.

3. You're not allowed to nominate one of your own creations. Guess I can cross Vaughan (A Gentleman's Wager & Phantasmagoria) off my list now, then. Shame, I'm sure he'd have been great fun.

4. Links to piccies are always appreciated.

5. I don't know... you could always tell us what you're going to do with them.

Okay, down to business. Since it's my post I get to go first. Ohhhh, who shall I have? Will it be someone somebody else wants? How obscure shall I get?

Do you know what... this is hard... There are so-oooooooo many! I think I need a long list before I cut them down to the final six. Here goes, Lucifer (Dawn), Ross Poldark (Poldark novels), Doyle (Merry Gentry books), Phobos (WITCH), Jerry Cornelius (Various Michael Morcock books), Vishous (Black Dagger Brotherhood), Riddick (Pitch Black), Legolas (LOTR books), Fingolfin (The Silmarillion), Gene Hunt (Life on Mars), The Warlock (Warlock), Brian Slade (Velvet Goldmine), Mark Brydon (The State Within), Admiral Bill Adama (Battlestar Galactica), Lucius Malfoy (Harry Potter books), El Mariachi (Desperado), Lord Wraxhall (Lord Wraxhall's Fancy), Benten (Cyber City), Z-man (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls).

Phew! What a lot of men I like. Okay, drum roll, here are my chosen companions in the Lust Bites Dungeon.

1. Jareth the Goblin King (Labyrinth). It doesn't matter how many times I've seen this film, I still sit at the end yelling "take it" when he offers Sarah her dreams. Baby brother vs Goblin King. I know which one wins in my book, and it isn't the baby.



2. Sephiroth (FFVII/Advent Children/Crisis Core) because he's so damn cool he's untrue, I've a burning urge to run my fingers through his hair, and I'm fascinated by the whole one-winged angel thing.



3. Captain Jack Harkness (Dr Who/Torchwood). Hmm, I suspect I may get a few offers for him. I just love his sense of humour, and he's incredibly inventive.





4. Kai the undead assassin (Lexx). Loyal, deadly, and erm... dead. Perhaps, I'd better skip over this one. He delivers some super monologues though, and he can sing!








5. Ian Nottingham (Witchblade). Hmm, another assassin. Haven't seen the TV series, but I love this character in the original comic storyline. Noble, loyal, powerful, ace swordsman and curiously submissive on occasion.










6. Vicomte de Valmont (Les Liaisons Dangereus). I have to say it was a close run fight between him and Lord Wraxhall. They're quite alike really. Two preening peacocks. Style is important in my dungeon.

7. Kerr Avon (Blake's 7). This was another close run one, between Avon and Z-man (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls). They're both witty, Avon with his plethora of withering put-downs, and Z-man with his Shakespearean dialogue. Avon won by being slightly more sane. There are enough sword-wielding lunatics in this dungeon of mine already.




Hmm, so those are my choices. I have noticed that I seem to gravitate towards deadly raving lunatics, with vastly superior intellects, but who also happen to be extremely pretty. Not sure what that says about me. As for what I'm going to do with them once I have them in my dungeon... Sit back and watch them fight it out, of course. My mile wide self preservation streak won't actually let me go anywhere near them, although that might be a tad difficult if we're all locked in a dungeon. One to think on...

Now show me your lists.

Madelynne xx

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Phantasmagoria US release


The long awaited sequel to A GENTLEMAN'S WAGER.


I adore this cover. I suppose I got lucky with it. The colours and composition of the image actually seem to hint at what you'll find inside - a rather dark story, actually. Phantasmagoria was not an easy book to write, and for an erotic romance, perhaps it's not an easy book to read. Hopefully, it is a story that will leave a lasting impression.

Hey, we writers all have to aspire to something.

Hope you enjoy the teaser, and please do stop by the comments for a chance to win a book from my backlist.

For a chance to win signed copies of A Gentleman's Wager and Phantasmagoria, head over to the Good, the Bad, & the Unread and leave a comment on the recent interview I did with them. Don't forget to check out their reviewed Phantasmagoria while you're there.



Vaughan folded his arms. ‘Please. Do I give ecstasy so freely?’ His smile sweetened, instantly lightening the mood. ‘Perhaps I do. Perhaps that’s why you’re here.’ He artlessly stretched behind him and clasped a chair back. The movement thrust his chest into prominence, making her smile in turn. ‘Why have you come, Annabella, my nightingale?’

He touched her face, trailed a finger down to her throat. ‘What’s the draw, the promise of a gothic nightmare or the bitter-sweet terror of my lips?’ His kiss fluttered over her pulse point. Bella closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, rosemary laced with musk. How she’d missed him. How she longed to return his caress. One simple touch and her body was weeping for him, but too often he’d teased her like this and then pushed her away. ‘And why no Lucerne? Were you so sure of a welcome without him?’ He stepped back suddenly, his tone abruptly cold.

Bella’s eyes flickered open. ‘Am I not welcome—’ she began, and then she caught his smile. He was playing with her, always playing with her.

‘But of course. You are most welcome.’ He took her hand and traced a slow circle around the palm. Bella watched his long fingers, imagining their trace against a more intimate area of her anatomy. ‘Let me give you a proper welcome to Pennerley.’ He pulled her, not into his arms for the kiss she longed for, but towards the stairs and down onto all fours.

Bella squealed as her nose pressed to the ancient grain of the wood. It was knotted and splintered in places, worn smooth in the centre where she knelt. Her nose prickled at the smell of dust and linseed. Vaughan threw her skirts over her back. For a moment she felt nothing, then his hand, warm and firm pressed between her legs and found her wet and eager.

‘Why Annabella,’ he drawled, ‘I do believe you’ve missed me.’

‘Damn you,’ she cursed as the familiar dribble of oil slithered between her cheeks. Nothing had changed. He still didn’t care a jot for her feelings or the truth of Lucerne’s absence. He cared only for the instant gratification of his own desires.

She shifted indignantly against the intrusive press of his fingers, but couldn’t stop the anticipatory heat from flaring inside her womb. She’d been waiting for this, longing for him. She knew what was coming, hated it, needed it, this sin. She should have known what to expect.

His fingers stretched her. His cock pushed in, making her empty cunt clench tight. She meant to push back against him, knock him off balance, but instead her bottom rubbed eagerly against his loins. It was so good to feel him inside her again, such welcome relief for the nineteen days of torture she’d spent without him.

‘Easy,’ he whispered, when she twisted her head to look at him. ‘You’ll come too fast.’ Bella didn’t care. She’d been wound too tight and all the emotion and rage she’d felt was spilling out of her. This carnal invasion, this thrusting heat – it was exactly what she wanted. ‘Bella,’ he hissed between his teeth. A sound broke in her throat in response, a hopeless expression of her longing. He was right. She had missed him, and more than he would ever truly understand. She loved him, but she had no idea how to tell him that or whether he wanted to hear it.

Her head was spinning. Her knees ached. His scent surrounded her, musky and animal beneath the hint of cologne. And at the point of their connection, a pulse was raging, driving her movements, dictating everything in simple, so very simple, animalistic terms.

She came hard, with a long rolling shudder, while Vaughan held himself still within her rear. Once the pulses had faded, he began to move again.

‘Again,’ he demanded, forcing her hips down with his palm, while the fingers of his other hand teased her still sensitive bud.

‘No.’ Bella gasped. ‘Vaughan, I can’t.’ She pressed herself to the ancient wood while colour burned her cheeks, feeling both elated and shamed. ‘I’ve been stuck in a coach for days. You could at least offer me a drink before you demand four orgasms in a row.’

‘I’ve only demanded two, and a chance to finish off.’ Chuckling, he patted her bottom. ‘But very well. Foster!’ he bellowed.

Bella’s eyes snapped open. ‘Your servant!’ She scrambled forward, but Vaughan held her tight about her hips. ‘Easy now, what’s the problem? Your drink’s coming.’

Bella hid her head in embarrassment. She’d been here just five minutes and within another five every servant in the place would know their master had swived her in the arse. She heard the screech of a door hinge, and Foster appeared by Vaughan’s side.

‘Bring me the port. My guest’s thirsty.'

Madelynne Ellis

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Sexy sex slang (Redux)

by Madelynne Ellis

First off, if you haven't taken the quiz and would like to, skip down to yesterday's post, because these are the answers.


1. Which of the following are euphemisms for breasts?

Cakes, dooberry, Dutch dumplings, tallywags, blubber, berkeleys, velvet orbs, charms, poonts, whirligigs, bollocks.

Answer: The following are all euphemisms for breasts: dooberry (90’s), blubber (18C), berkeleys (19C), charms (19C – prior to 18C this term was standard English), poonts (19C). Velvet orbs (60’s), tallywags (late 18C), bollocks (18C) & whirligigs (17C-19C), are all descriptives for testicles. Dutch dumplings (50’s-70’s), are the buttocks. A cake (18C-19C), is a fool, or if you’re Australian (c1910), a prostitute.

2. What is burning shame?

Burning shame (18C) is a form of sexual game where a lighted candle is stuck into the parts of a woman not intended by nature for use as a candlestick ie, vagina or anus, or both.

3. What do a gentleman's usher, a master of ceremonies and a stargazer have in common?

A gentleman's usher (16C-17C), a master of ceremonies (19C) and a stargazer (17C-18C) are all names for the penis.

4. What is easy mort?
a) sex with a corpse
b) a promiscuous woman
c) a snack eaten during sex

Easy mort (17C-18C), is (b) a promiscuous woman.

5. What's the difference between a bobtail and a trull?

About 80 years of history. That is, there’s no real difference, bobtails (17C+) and trulls (late 17C) are both prostitutes.

6. Is someone offered you a tossed salad, what could you expect?

If you asked for a tossed salad (90’s), you could expect analingus embellished by an application of jam/jelly or syrup. Erm, sticky!

7. What is an indorser?
a) a male homosexual
b) a pimp
c) a randy accountant

An indorser (17C+) is a male homosexual.

8. What is a Tetbury portion?

A Tetbury Portion (late 18C), is not as Nikki suggested anything to do with teapots. Shame that. It’s actually, a cunt and a clap, ie. sex followed by venereal disease.

9.What is a shrimper fascinated by?
a) Shrimps
b) Fishermen
c) Feet

A shrimper (60’s) is into (c) feet. Toe-sucking is referred to as shrimping.

10. What is a dry bob?

A dry bob (17C+) is sex without ejaculation by the man.

11. What is bagpiping?
a) sex with a set of bagpipes
b) sex under the armpit
c) sex with an old bag

Bagpiping (late 19C+), is (b) sex under the armpit.

12. What is spray starch?

Spray Starch (60’s) is the figurative substance that keeps heterosexual wrists from drooping. The implication being that all men would be gay given the opportunity.

13. Spot the odd one out in each of these lists.
a) honeypot (18C), muff (17C), sporran (19C), wicket (19C), rose (18C), orange (17C), tit (18C-1900), purse (17C).

Kelp. A kelp (18C) is a form of hat, all the rest are alternative ways of saying vagina.

b) lobb (18C), stalk (16C), doodle (18C), ranger (17C-18C), limb (11C-19C), knock (18C), pintle (18C-19C), tosh (late 19C).

Jague (17C-19C). A jague is a form of ditch. The rest are all cocks.

c) sard (10C-17C), palliardise (18C), brangle (17C), frisk (19C), poop (16C), tommimg (30’s), fugle (18C-19C).

Martingale (19C). Martingale is a gambling term, whereby you double the stakes every time you lose. The rest are all euphemisms for fucking.
d) quean (17C+), molly (18C-1900), trug (16C-18C), sod (19C), mandrake (17C+).

Hoodman. A hoodman is either someone who is blind (18C) or drunk (19C), as in the game hoodman blind. The remainder are all descriptive terms for gay men

Hope you enjoyed that little bit of vulgarity.

Madelynne Ellis

Friday, April 11, 2008

Sexy slang

by Madelynne Ellis

Part of the fun of writing historical novels has to be researching period slang. Each era has it's own delightful set of vulgarities, many of which are virtually incomprehensible to modern readers. The following quiz is intended to "educate" and provide a bit of fun.

Please post your answers and best guesses in the comments. My favourite entry will win a copy of The Big Book of Filth by Jonathon Green.

Historical Sex Slang Quiz:

1. Which of the following are euphemisms for breasts?

Cakes, dooberry, Dutch dumplings, tallywags, blubber, berkeleys, velvet orbs, charms, poonts, whirligigs, bollocks.

2. What is burning shame?

3. What do a gentleman's usher, a master of ceremonies and a stargazer have in common?

4. What is easy mort?
a) sex with a corpse
b) a promiscuous woman
c) a snack eaten during sex

5. What's the difference between a bobtail and a trull?

6.Is someone offered you a tossed salad, what could you expect?

7. What is an indorser?
a) a male homosexual
b) a pimp
c) a randy accountant

8. What is a Tetbury portion?

9.What is a shrimper fascinated by?
a) Shrimps
b) Fishermen
c) Feet

10. What is a dry bob?

11. What is bagpiping?
a) sex with a set of bagpipes
b) sex under the armpit
c) sex with an old bag

12. What is spray starch?

13. Spot the odd one out in each of these lists:
a) honeypot, muff, sporran, kelp, wicket, rose, orange, tit, purse.

b) lobb, stalk, doodle, ranger, limb, knock, jague, pintle, tosh.

c) sard, martingale, palliardise, brangle, frisk, poop, tommimg, fugle.

d) quean, molly, trug, hoodman, sod, mandrake.


Not too difficult, eh? If you're really struggling, you might find a bit of help over at my website, which houses a list of historical sex slang terms.

Madelynne Ellis

PS: Don't forget to pop back tomorrow for the correct answers.