Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Rock Stars in Particular Order

by Alana Noel Voth

My crush life began here. Fifth grade. I cut teeth on this one. My grandparents bought me Hey Deenie for Christmas, 1978. And all through fifth grade I wore a Shaun Cassidy tee shirt. For two days that year, I went "steady" with a boy, Wade Mitchell; he had orange hair and dark freckles and insisted on holding my hand. His hand felt sticky to me, too there, and so I gave him his chunky ring back, and he threw it against the wall.

Crush: to press or squeeze . . . to break, pound, or grind . . . temporary infatuation. According to an American Heritage Dictionary.

My crushes are like a roll of film unraveling: changing faces over time. As I change. And times change too. Always though, I remain both a feminist and anti-feminist in the arms of a rock star fantasy, because he's a simultaneous savior and a fucking mess too. Take my current rock star crush, Scott Weiland. I wouldn't trust him far as I could throw him. I hear he and his current wife have such violent fights they throw furniture around hotel rooms. He shoots heroin or did or might again. In a word, dangerous.

And in a phrase, all wrong for me.

But find me in the halls of my fantasy life blowing him, applying his eyeliner, licking the sweat off his chest when he comes off stage and behind him, the crowd screams. Take a bath, I'll drink the water that you leave. From "Still Remain" by The Stone Temple Pilots

Crush: unrequited desire. The feeling of a crush is like an alcohol buzz, an adrenaline rush; like when I curl my toes before orgasm. Hunger. Heat. Happiness. Innocence too. What I mean is, my crushes remain generally focused on someone I've never met. But I make the rules as I go along.

A crush is an image paired with my imagination. Does that make sense? And the rock star thing: Genetics with a hit of pop culture. Women in my family, a handful of self-professed suckers for rock stars. Add Teen Beat Magazine then Rolling Stone, and you got me. A man on a stage; a throng of girls at his feet; I want firsthand experience with the voodoo magic.

In 1966, the year I was born, John Lennon said The Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Americans got pissed and tossed their Beatle albums into a bonfire. Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Jesus. I see a similarity. Rock stars have talent or charisma or both. They're rebellious. They're often androgenous. The infamously tortured. They rise. They fall. They die. Or they rise again from the ash. Amazing!

In high school I became obsessed with John Taylor, bass player for Duran Duran. I kept a John Taylor scrapbook and wrote John Taylor stories. He was all over my bedroom wall. In school at seventeen, I was unpopular. Graceless too. I never had boyfriends. With John Taylor though, using my imagination, I was a fashion model. Smoked cigarettes. Knew how to give a blow job too. Nothing scared me. I ruled.

Few years later, about the time I'd moved to Denver and began to earn my living as a beer poster bimbo and lingerie model, I became obsessed with Bret Michaels, lead singer for a hair band known as Poison. Skinny but ripped. Big blue eyes and pouty lips. Almost a chick with a dick.

Front-row center at the Red Rocks Ampitheater, 1991, I grabbed hold of Bret Michaels' hand as he sang, and I wouldn't let go. Time stopped, you know? I understand the crowd screamed and pressed forward so my hips ended up bruised by a metal bar, but he smiled at me, and I was there, and I wouldn't let go.


For more rock stars and rock star angst, read my story, "Rock Stars in Particular Order" here. Thanks!

Oh, and if you don't mind, which rock star do you love I didn't have room to mention? Jimi Hendrix? Debbie Harry? Jim Morrison? Stevie Nicks? Boy George? Chris Cornell? Fred Durst? Marilyn Manson? Janis Joplin? Ashley Simpson (haha, just kidding.)

I know one person (Marcy Sheiner) who has a thing for Mick Jagger and even wrote a story about a fantasy encounter with the infamous Rolling Stone called "Under His Thumb," which you can find in Herotica 5. Likewise, In 2000, Michelle Tea's fantasy gang bang with Motley Crue appeared in Best American Erotica 2000.

Have you ever written and/or published a rock star fantasy? If so, do tell and then point me in the right direction, as you know I'll be front row center with ya!


Portia Da Costa said...

I once had a massive crush on a rock star that lasted quite a few years. He was the hero template for many of my early books and stories...

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Oh Alana, I love you for this one!

My rock star fantasy just came out in the UK and will be available in the US in August: A Little Night Music is highly inspired by the current keyboardist of Styx and the book is full of sly Styx references. (I'll be having a contest at my website in August--how many references can you find?)

I was able to hand-deliver four of six copies to members of the band at Styxfest last month...and slightly horrified when two said "Oh good, I've been looking for something to read!"...

Portia Da Costa said...

James Marsters is a rocker as well as an actor... and I've given him several of my books!

Each time, he said he'd read it... but whether he did or not, well, that's something I'll always wonder about.

Janine Ashbless said...

I had a crush on Bono during the "Rattle & Hum" era. Long dark hair, big nose, pseudo-intellectual, unashamed do-gooder... Yeah, he ticked all the right boxes for me.

(Now I feel I should just crawl off and boil my head.)

These days I like Kasabian. Who are a bunch of skinny adolescent pissheads as far as I can tell, so I don't know why - they are just so not me - but the music is SO exciting and sexy I just go gaga.

kristina lloyd said...

I liked skinny weirdos as a kid - Russell Mael (Sparks) was a favourite but it was really difficult trying to find posters of him. Ron Mael was always lurking in the background looking like a dessicated Hitler.

I love a hint of make up: Bowie, Marc Bolan (oh, those corkscrew curls), and Michael Stipe, all arrogant, sweaty and mean but with glitter on his eyelids. Yum.

And Trent Reznor. Forcing me up against a wall. Repeatedly.

Nikki H said...

I went through a John Taylor phase too and I when I look at pictures of him now, i can't see what i got into such a tizzy for.

Couldn't stand Jon Bon jovi whilst he'd got long, limp hair, but as soon as he got it chopped, he became well hot.

But right now? I can't think of anyone. I wouldn't say no to a salsa with Ricky Martin. Does that make me sad?

Deanna Ashford said...

I've never been a massive fan of rock, I don't know why maybe because I'm tone deaf. Or so my other half tells me when he cringes at my singing. Nevertheless I've always though Jon Bon Jovi pretty sexy, but most of my 'crushes' have been on actors.

Trouble is once you meet them and get to know them a little, even if they are really nice and just as great looking in the flesh, your perception changes somewhat.

I think its the fantasy element, whether they be on stage or screen that makes them so damn sexy. Once you accept they are as human as you are the sexyness fades just a little.

Anonymous said...

And Trent Reznor. Forcing me up against a wall. Repeatedly.

I like Trent Reznor.

But in a different way

Alison Tyler said...

Well, yes, Tilly, there is that. You would like that. I'm still with Kristina, on this one.

I actually never saw what everyone was talking about Paul before Alana put up that picture. Yum.

For me, god, Robbie Robertson, Robert Plant, David Gilmour, Steven Tyler, Joe Perry (mmm, Joe Perry)...

My favorite rock star fantasy fiction is Thomas Roche's story "All Access" about a back stage, um, pass.

Stacy S said...

I have to agree on Scott Weiland. Another would be Lenny Kravitz. They are HOT! Love their singing to.

Madeline Moore said...

Does Eminem count as a rock star?
My sister tells me a lot of his fans are middle-aged women who want to mother him back to health.

Great post Alana. This should be a fun day.

I have to admit, I don't crush on rock stars as much as actors. I was involved with a local 'rockstar' for two years, and while it was fun to be at the 'band' table, the rest of it basically sucked. Going on the road with my man was a nightmare of lousy hotel rooms and high calorie road food and boorish behavour from the guys. When I didn't go on the road with him, he'd come home and tell me about the blow-job he'd paid fifty bucks for...which at the time I thought was hilarious. (?) But oh when my guy played the pedal steel...I swooned. He even wrote a song about me, but only after I left him, when he realized I was the greatest that that ever happened to him and threatened to kill himself if I didn't come back.

You know the book, 'IF you can't live without me why aren't you dead yet?' That's how I felt at the time. Now, I'm glad he's still rocking out in western Canada...and glad we're not together!

Alana said...


First story I wrote for Playgirl Magazine was inspired by a Scully/Mulder fantasy. Second, third, and fourth, were all fueled by Scott Weiland lust. And may be a bit of Jim Morrison. Yeah, him too.

Alana said...

Dayle, you're the Queen of shameless self plugs. Love ya!

Styx. Well "Renegade" is a kiss ass tune.

When you say the keyboardist do you mean Dennis DeYoung?

I can't wait to read your book.

Hey, has anyone read Pamela De Barres book, I'm With the Band?

Me? Well yeah. I own it.

Alana said...

Portia, pic of James M., please?

Alana said...

Dayle, I meant kick ass. It's a KICK ASS tune. Just woke up. Can'tytpe wortht a shit.

Alana said...

Miss Ashbless,

Unfortunately I've never been a U2 fan. And I say unfortunately because I can offer you no reason as to why I'm not a U2 fan. Boy, however, was a landmark album.

Alana said...


Bowie in his glam days, oh my gosh! Did you know he and Mick Jagger had a bisexual romp or two? Angela Bowie caught the two in bed together. Later, Mick wrote the song, "Angie" for her.

Maybe to apologize for sucking her hubby's dick.

But hell, what she was mad about? Lucky bitch.

BTW: You know, Ms. Kx, I'm all for skinny androgenous weirdos. :-)

Alana said...

Nikki H, Ricky Martin is gay, which makes him way cool sexy in my book. And salsa! Loves the salsa! Especially on eggs.

Seriously, you don't think John Taylor is pretty now?

Alana said...

Tilly and Alison, Trent Rezner had a fling with Courtney Love, which sort of ruins him for me. :-(

With that said, he intriques the same way Marilyn Manson does (who also had a fling with Courtney Love.)

Anyway, both are skinny androgenous weirdos with all the dark angst of certain poets.

Alana said...

Madeline, oh yes, Eminem counts. And I'ma middle-aged woman who would so like to nurse him back to health. Haha.

Meanwhile, a few of my gay friends want to fuck the shit out of him.

Alana said...

"Trouble is once you meet them and get to know them a little, even if they are really nice and just as great looking in the flesh, your perception changes somewhat."

Deanna, yes agreed!

Alana said...

Stacy S,

I won't share Scott Weiland with you. No way! Haha.

Alana said...

Oh my god, I'll be here all day.

Alana said...

Leaving now.

Smut Girl said...

Bono, since I was thirteen. Micahel Hutchence (sp?) Sadly, deceased. Um...James Marsters as Spike but not as a rocker. He can spike me any time but he has to wear the fangs...let's see... Trent, of course, cause he's filthy.

Recently, Steve Wilson of Porcupine Tree. With his hair all hanging in his face and his long lanky self. And you just want to push that hair out of the way and climb him like a monkey in heat...urph. sorry.

The lead singer of OAR who's name eludes me at the moment. But I can see him in my head. Naked. And he has a voice like gravel in a dryer...yum.

Jim Morrison, also, sadly, dead. brain short circuited. It's very hot here. And now, I am hotter.

Great post, Alana. I came late to the party, though ;)

Gwen Masters said...

Mmmm...rock star fantasies!

Bono has always had a spot in my fantasies. Sting used to get me going, but I haven't thought of him in a good long while. I wonder why that is?

In middle school, I was all about Bon Jovi. Jon Bon Jovi still gets my motor revving. The man looks better with age. He sounds better, too!

I still do a double take when it comes to country rockers, though. Two words: Gary Allan. YES.

I wrote a story that was based on something I saw while tagging along on an old boyfriend's tour. "Fifteen Minutes" is the story of a groupie who bangs the whole band, and it's in Best American Erotica 2006.

Oh, and Scott Weiland...YES again. Bad boy to the core, probably dangerous as fuck, but oh-so desirable anyway.

Ally said...

HaHa... I remember being all GaGa over Shawn Cassidy too, and Leaf Garrett. Then as I hit the hard rock scene I had the hots for the guy from Kiss with the long curly hair who had the white face and the black star on his eye. Didn't care what he looked like underneath, I guess it was the excitement of not knowing that turned me on. Then of course the freakishness of Ozzy Osbourne with that deliciously long tongue! I would have liked to snag a handful of Axle Roses long hair and eat him up. These days the lead singers for Nickelback and Buckcherry would be such a lovely fantasy, I want em both at the same time...mmmmmm

I haven't written anything about musicians, but I did do a fun erotic poem with the two doctors from Greys Anatomy...Dr.s McDreamy and Mc.Steamy...Oooooo it was so much fun.

Smut Girl said...

Forgot...back in the day...Adam Ant and Billy Idol. Skinny but buff, eyeliner. Sneers. Damn...

Portia Da Costa said...


Pic of me, James and some other guy here

Smut Girl said...

Portia! I am seething with jealousy. YOu were the middle in a James/David sandwich. Spike *and* Angel? Lucky, lucky girl. Whew.

Alana said...


You're rock star story in BAE 06 is amazing, and I say that because it made me uncomfortable as hell, and I think you wanted it to. Bravo! You gots talent. :-)

Alana said...

Smut Girl, thank you. XXOOOOXXXX

Adam Ant, oh yeah, I remember him!

Alana said...

Portia, I hate you. :-)

Hey, if you'd said "Spike" I would have known who you meant. Spike! Spike and Angel. Angel and Spike!

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

I was going to say I don't think I've crushed on a rock star of the male persuasion since Sean Cassidy when I was very tiny. Okay, Bowie during my "I wish I'd been born a gay man" phase in college.

But I do have an enduring musician crush, although I'm not sure he counts as a rock crush. I'm mad for Leonard Cohen, because of his voice and his dark, poetic mind and the fact he's obviously a kinky bastard. Never mind that he's my mom's age and a Buddhist monk.

Anonymous said...

Mmm, D-Bor

Jeremy Edwards said...

Rock stars? You Lust Biters are the rock stars!

Gwen Masters said...

Alana, thank you. That reaction is exactly what I intended. -grin-

Gwen Masters said...

Jeremy says we ARE rock stars!

That means we get to fuck like rock stars, eh? we need another excuse. -wicked grin-

Alana said...

Jeremy, if I'm a rock star, then you know what I want . . . right?

Alana said...

Gwen, I love it when a writer can disturb me and turn me on at the same time. "Fifteen Minutes" is WOW in that regards. Would love to pick your brain about that story some time, like motivation, inspiration, all that geeky writer stuff. :-)

Alana said...

Ally! "Hey, you're crazy bitch. But you fuck so good when you're on top of me. When I dream, I'm doing you all night. Scratch yourself down my back and keep it right on . . ."

Are the Buckcherry dudes hot? Never seen them. I love thier song "Lit." Good one.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Jeremy, if I'm a rock star, then you know what I want . . . right?

A bowl of M&M's with all the brown ones removed?

Kate said...

turning up late after a day of riotous child-free shopping in San Francisco-I visited the Louis Vuitton store-enough said...(I hope Cowboys sells well)

Marc Bolan, Adam Ant, Graham Bonnet (in his Rainbow days) Bruce Springsteen, Robert Plant, David Bowie, Robbie Williams (of course the one from TT)

Looking forward to your book Dayle!

Kristi said...

Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty. Mmmmm.