The Box under the Bed

We all have one. That box under our bed, the one filled with stuff that has the potential to cause us shame and mega embarrassment. No Lusties, I'm not talking about the sex toys, I'm talking about the OTHER BOX, the one filled with manuscripts that went nowhere, ideas that were rejected by every agent, magazine and editor in the known universe and the often humiliating let downs on the road to our current starring role on Lust Bites. I have to say, I could've written this whole post about me, but in a spirit of sharing, I decided to ask some of the other Lusties if they were prepared to spill their own moments of less than stellar glory. Some of them were, which made me feel a whole lot better about my own checkered past.

Oh, where to start...

"It's kind of an environmental erotic futuristic romance with paranormal elements. The female represents Mother Nature and the three guys represent the elements the Earth needs to survive, kind of like Al Gore meets the pagans and sex solves all the problems of the Universe."
"Hmm...interesting...what else have you got?"
My agent moves swiftly along unimpressed by that particular pitch. At least I didn't write that one. Somehow it's far worse when you've sweated out 100,000 words and then find out there isn't a market for what you wrote.(see 'book of my heart, below)

The amazing Portia Da Costa and I share a secret. We both believed that we could singlehandedly convert Mills & Boon into a far more erotic romance friendly place to be. I gave up after rejection number 5. Apparently, Ms Da Costa has an even bigger secret...2 of hers did get into print! Tell me more, Portia, I want titles!

Ms Madelynne Ellis also confessed to writing a stirring tale called Desperate Measures , "The tale of a woman who is left destitute when her husband is thrown into a debtors prison and decides to make ends meet by cross-dressing as a male highwayman." Apparently it was dismissed on the grounds that highwayman are cliched. Cliched? I for one would've loved to see this book in print.

And back to me...how about the RWA conference where I was supposed to meet an editor at Bantam who was reading the full manuscript of one of my historicals, only to find out that she'd just left the company? Man, was I gutted. Although probably not as much as Ms Kristina Lloyd who wrote a non-erotica novel about adultery and obsession, snagged a major literary agent's interest and scored an interview with a BIG publishing house.

She fretted for days choosing what to wear, sorting out train times, no doubt making herself even more beautiful than she already is, only to find out the day before the meeting that the editor had been sacked! OMG-I feel for you...

Of course, there's also always a danger that you'll write something totally amazing and it gets published and then you realize you're supposed to write several more books in the same vein except you really don't want to. I have a futuristic novel a bit like that. I'm quietly terrified that if it gets published I'll have to commit to writing more and then my brain will start seeping out of my ears again, and that's not only very messy, but not a good thing overall.

Janine Ashbless will understand this feeling quite well."My Machenesque fairy novel "Wildwood" has been accepted for Black Lace. It was going to be the first of a trilogy, but that isn't going to happen...I shall go and do something easier next time...like wrestle a giant squid."

Janine, I'm sure that all our readers would quite happily pay real money to watch you wrestle a giant squid, so keep it in mind. Maybe we could make it an annual Lust Bites tradition along with the muddy rugby players.

I have 3 manuscripts in the box under my bed, all of them probably deserve to stay there, especially the first, Mosaic, the book of my heart, as we call it in the romance community, the one I love until this day. How was I to know that setting a gritty historical romance in the Dark Ages was a complete waste of my time? I LOVED writing that book, I thought I was the best writer ever born. I thought the publishers would be banging down my door to sweep me away to Bestsellerdomland. (That is a real place you know, I checked on Mapquest. Nora Roberts and Stephen King live there,honest.)

But maybe the book of my heart was simply too much. I sent it to every agent in the USA. After the first fifty or so rejections, I'd almost stopped crying into my tea and started writing another book. Suddenly, out of the blue, a New York agent asked to see the full. I sent it off. Three weeks later he sent me a contract. I was totally stunned because by then I'd had so much rejection that a positive response left me bewildered.

I signed the contract, sent it back and heard nothing...
My American pals were all, 'call him, ask him what's going on', but I couldn't do that,
1. I'm British
2. I have severe PTSD (phone traumatic stress disorder) for handling public inquiries for the Inland Revenue (IRS) for 2 years. Eventually I received an email from his wife. He had died, the day after he'd sent me the contract...my steamy erotic historical manuscript was the last thing he ever read.

So perhaps somethings really are better off left under the bed...

The book cover at the top is for my upcoming 'Cheek' book "Roping the Wind" out in the UK in Dec and the US next Feb. It's a stirring tale of a washed up cowboy, an orthopedic surgeon and their shared interest in kinky sex and leather.

Anyone else like to share their tales of publishing woe? We have tissues...