Monday, July 30, 2007

On Stage with Scott McMorrow

Lights fade up on Alison Tyler sitting at her blue Formica kitchen table dressed in a red silk bathrobe. She’s drinking a cup of coffee and typing into her laptop.

Alison Tyler: Come on, we’re doing this online. Can’t you at least dress me better?

Lights fade to black
Lights fade up as Alison Tyler enters her kitchen dressed in killer boots and a black leather dress. She sits at the table and sips from a martini glass.

Scott McMorrow: Nice entrance. Love the dress.

AT: Oh this? I just threw it on.

SM: Do you think I could have one?

AT: A black leather dress?

SM: An entrance. You showed up looking like a porn goddess. I just kind of showed up.

AT: Not a problem.

Lights rise on Scott McMorrow sitting at his desk, typing on a Mac.

SM: That’s it?

AT: You’d like more detail.

SM: Maybe a few adjectives. An adverb. You could ask me what I’m wearing.

AT: I didn’t know this was going to be that kind of an interview. (deep sigh) What are you wearing?

SM: Killer boots, black leather…

AT: We should start. Where’s my vodka?

SM: I thought you were sipping coffee.

AT: Switched drinks with the outfit. (checking notes) We recently discussed the German cannibal trial on Lust Bites. One man allowed himself to be cooked and eaten by another… Caused a bit of, um, consternation among our readers. You wrote an entire play on the event, called Leftovers.

SM: Leftovers doesn’t focus on that particular event, though it definitely holds elements of the relationship those two had, physically and emotionally. The play is a dark comedy about a reality cooking show, Eat or Be Eaten, that has contestants vying to win so they can gain the rank of most coveted comestible.

AT: First t-shirt of the day. So, for you, cannibalism is…

SM: Delicious. I enjoyed researching that play. And, hey, everybody has to eat.

AT: Do you always look to real-life events for source material?

SM: People do wild stuff. I like that. And if I can use it…

AT: Tell me about Puppet Therapy.

SM: That play is rooted in a marriage counseling practice that was big in the 70s… couples using puppets to role play with each other. I put a twist on it.

AT: Whips, chains, and threesomes?

SM: I’m all about the cheap thrill. That play does have an elephant, though.

AT: Always fun for a casting director. I read in your bio that the play was performed in Italian. Did you have a chance to see the translated work?

SM: Teatro del Navile did a great job of that in Bologna. The warped humor played really well for the Italians. Though I don’t speak the language, I could follow the rhythm of the audiences’ reactions.

AT: Now what about your play, Fishing the Moon? This one features a girl in drag, masturbation on stage, death and dismemberment. Another play features Jell-O. In a bucket. Used for… you get the idea. I’m sensing a theme with you.

SM: Want to know what flavor Jell-O?

AT: Your latest play, Future Sex, is being read at The Bay Area Playwrights Festival on August 5th. Can you tell us a little bit about what that festival is like?

SM: Great experience. We had a pre-festival retreat. All of the playwrights had to read their plays in front of each other.

AT: Kind of like show and tell. Ooh, and I know all about the thrill of being Exposed, of being Caught Looking, of playing Hide & Seek….
(Beat) Wait! What’s that noise?
(A siren offstage)
It's the Shameless Plug Alert… not that I’d know anything about that. Scott, you edited the erotic poetry collection, Velvet Heat, which features 45 poets, including fellow Lust Biter Shanna Germain, and was a finalist for an IPPY award. The sultry photograph on the cover is by Thomas S. Roche. A commenter today will win a copy of this luscious collection—and one of Shanna’s poems from Velvet Heat is below. Thanks so much for visiting, Scott.

SM: Great to be here.

AT: Now what flavor was the Jell-O, again? Learn more about Scott at

Lights fade to the sound of ice cubes clinking in a glass.

Letter to My Ex
Shanna Germain

I met a man last night who reminded me of you:
snake-hipped, thin through the calf, tight across the chest,
even said howdy pardner in that fake-ass drawl.
But he didn’t fuck like you, all tongue and teeth and tip.

He was soft and gentle and didn’t once use
the flat of his hand against my will.
Baby, it made me ache for Dallas,
the leather rain across my face, the press of buckle
to my backside, the way your teeth snapped against
my skin, a dog at the end of his chain.

I said to this guy last night, but he wasn’t you.
That first time I came for you—for anyone—you said
pressure and time, pressure and time will make you mind.
I still have indents in my skin, pockets where you
buried your bones—they wait for someone to dig
them out and resurrect their desire
by firelight, by rainfall, by your stiff fingers,
thunderbolts that split my skull like a sneeze.

God damn,
I want to be sick of wanting you.


Ally said...

Ok Alison,
Give up the goods...What flavour was it? I just have to know. Is it a flavour Bill Cosby would aprove of or something naughtier?

Oh and Shanna,

God damn,
I want to be sick of wanting you

Gawd I know how that feels.

Oh and Alison... T-Shirt (I want to be sick of wanting you)

kristina lloyd said...

There once was a man called Scott,
Who wrote plays that were dirty and hot,
He came on our blog

Uh, sorry. That's filthy. Listen, I'll work on that third line and pop back later when I'm feeling more poetic. Shanna, any tips?

Janine Ashbless said...

Ah, a smutty smile to start the day!

is hot.
Tyler -
file her
Art Tart

Poem by my friend Simon:

White Paper Before Me.

I wanted so to contribute;
I really tried to write.
Sat before an empty page
I stayed up through the night.

It'd be so cool to be a writer -
A literary chap.
If only everything I wrote
Was not such utter crap.

I'd quit my job and write a book,
Become wealthy, as you do;
Have lots of friends and lovers
And an Aston Martin too.

But dawn is at my window now,
And my paper is still blank,
So I think I'll take me off to bed
And have myself a bit of a lie in.

Uh ... last verse only works if you're British I suspect. Sorry.

Jeremy Edwards said...

I just happened to be browsing the Samuel French catalog . . .

On Stage with Scott McMorrow
by Alison Tyler and Scott McMorrow
1m/1f/1 elephant
Interior Blog Unit Set
SFX: siren

This hilarious 5-minute gem is perfect for festivals and orgies.

Authors! Authors!

Jeremy Edwards said...

Oh and, like Janine, I can't resist the lure of the clerihew:

Alison Tyler
Wanted someone to style her.

She decided to borrow
Scott McMorrow.

Madeline Moore said...

Happy Monday morning, coffee, blog, lots of fun, play format enjoyable, Shanna's poem terrific, time to comment, more coffee? Uh oh, comments in poetry format, gotta think up something good, something T-Shirt worthy, damn,
something witty that rhymes with McMorrow and Alison Tyler, maybe I'll post a comment tomorrow, for now I'll just file her.

Alison Tyler said...

Laughing too hard to speak write now.
Or type very well....

Anonymous said...

I love it..who says poetry is dead... you guys are awesome. Jell-O shots all around!

kiki said...

oooh! i don't know that there is a more fun way to start the day than a roll in the hay. er...i mean...than reading this delightful little mini play/interview!

i was chuckling through quite a bit of it.

vodka...breakfast of champions
with jello...EVEN BETTER!


Alison Tyler said...

Well, you know, Kiki,

There's always room for Jello.


Smut Girl said...

Loved this post. And loved the poetry. I am a poetry whore (shhh). Not enough coffee yet, so that is the most clever statement I could come up with...

wearing a Superman tee and denim shorts. If anyone would like to write me into a more exciting outfit...feel free ;)

Shanna Germain said...

Woot! This cracked me up. I loved reading the back and forth. And now I have another person to idolize. How do people get so much done in the world?

Scott, it's a rule that those who come here must bring enough productivity pills to share. Or a productivity jello shot. Whatever. I like cherry best.

One thing I hate about plays: you can't see them if you don't happen to be in the right place and time. I'm drooling over all these fun things that I won't get to see... guess you'll have to turn them into books for those of us who live too far away...

Best, s.

Deanna Ashford said...

I envy you who can write witty lines
When I can't even string a rhyming couplet together
I've tried so hard to do it so many times
But they all end up as shitty as hell so whatever

As you see I can't write poetry to save my life! Interesting post the plays definitely sound different from anything I ever seen on the West End stage.

What happens with the elephant or do I just let my imagination take flight!

Kate Pearce said...

Come along to the Lust bites blog
It's a place where you can flog
absolutely anything...
Elephants and jello
Cannibals and art
My mouth is hanging open
what a Monday morning start

okay bad-but its early here and I was truly fascinated by this post. thank you both and Shanna!

Anonymous said...

Sommer dashes into a phone booth, dressed in Superman T and denim shorts. A whirl of cotton candy scented smoke fills the booth. A clap of thunder from within. Smut Girl emerges wearing a flowing red silk cape and knee-high sky blue boots with gigantic thick heels.

Smut Girl: Cherry flavored Jell-O shots it is then!

Shanna Germain said...

Ah, damn. First I had to fight Sommer for Jeremy's wife. Now I have to fight her for the jello shots.

Oh, or did I just get called smut girl? That's ok, then. I'll just steal her name!

--rips off Sommer's SG shirt--

(which, by the way: Smut Girl's SG is also for Shanna Germain, so truly, how can you not give me the shirt?!!)

Smut Girl said...

Oh, I love it. First, sexy writer man writes me into smoking hot super hero outfit...then sexy writer lady steals my shirt.

God. If I knew the day would be this good, would have rolled out of bed much, much earlier...

And cherry shots to boot. Mmm. Love cherry...well, anything.

Angell said...

I'm agreeing with ally right off the bat - that line is SO FREAKING TRUE. I'm dealing with that shit right now...(yes perfect t-shirt)

WOW Shanna - fantastic poem.

One day I'm gonna write something that fantastic (and Alison, you looked hot in that dress and those boots darling)

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Reminds me of the story in one of the apocalyse culture books (Feral House) about this guy who killed and ate his girlfriend. Scott seems to bring new meaning to the concept of "edgy". And why not?

Anonymous said...

Scott & puppets & Italy
& plays & poetry
Jeremy & the clerihew
I think lustbites has entered
a new level of mayhem
perhaps somewhere in Amsterdam

Ashley Lister said...

When I want to write a poem
on a theme that should be rude,
I watch an adult movie
to get me in the mood.

But watching adult movies
doesn't add to my think tank
and instead of writing poems
I go and have a pint of beer.

Damn! I can never get those end rhymes.

Outstanding poetry Shanna.

Scott: the plays sound like wonderful entertainment.

Alison Tyler said...

and instead of writing poems
I go and have a pint of beer

Ah, Ashley, a poet after my own heart.
Hate to admit this, but I've never actually had a Jell-O shot. I am a Jell-O shot virgin.


P.S. Has anyone clicked through to the $1500 boots?

kristina lloyd said...

Writing poetry is hard,
When you’re not destined to be a bard,
And though I’d like to write in verse,
I think I am too perverse.
So I’ll just write dirty books,
Filled with fucked-up, kinky fucks

(Please note clever internal rhymes in final line.)

Janine, I think your friend Simon should be poet laureate.

And Scott, you have very kinky initials but I'm guessing you already spotted that. Good luck with Future Sex! I hope it, um, goes down well.

kiki said...

YES!!! YESSS!!! YESSSSS!!!!! i DID click through to the $1500 boots. and i BOUGHT THEM!!!

Smut Girl said...

Oh. My. God. You bought them? You're gonna, um...share...right?

so v. jealous...

kiki said...

okay - so i didn't. but wasn't it fun to think i did?

and i have not had jello shots either. perhaps we can find someplace to have them together. anyone else? c'mon! let's go dancing with our new boots and have jello shots together.

mmmmmmm.....and we can invite scott and jeremy and brendan fraser. mmmmmm.


kiki said...

"Good luck with Future Sex! I hope it, um, goes down well."

tee hee hee! future sex is good and present sex is good too. past sex - how far past are we going?

have i had too much caffeine and not enough mojitos? is there a mojito flavored jello shot?

shall i just babble on and on all by my lonesome? la la la.....nothing to see here...

Smut Girl said...

No! It was not fun. I got all excited...sigh. Okay, we can go and do all that but only if I can bring Nick from Big Brother 8. That will make me feel better about false report of boot purchase... idea why I'm putting that but it's fun. :)

Smut Girl said...

Oh, and Shanna, I just reread your poem. Damn! You are my hero. Love it. So very...mmm...raw/intense. I would gladly give you my SG shirt as a reward for your genius had you not already stolen it and run off.

Alison Tyler said...

Kiki, you're such a tease... And KL, love the internal "fuck" rhyme. You're such an artist.

As we're on sexy poetry here, I want to link to a lovely one by Nikki Magennis, which is up right now on Clean Sheets.

Off to buy Jell-O...


Ally said...

OH those Boots make me wan't to skip!
What a trip.
They match the velvet on the grip,
to my rubber whip,
so it won't slip,
as I dip, drip,
and let it rip.
Mmm, biting my lip.

Good gawd, see what you do to me.
Nice poem Nikki M.

Gwen Masters said...

What a clever post! I loved reading this.

Murray Suid said...

Shanna's observation--that you can't see plays if you aren't in the right place and time--suggests that maybe Scott can use the Web to mount some of his plays--maybe on YouTube.

Or perhaps even do an audio reading. I know that plays often have strong visual dimensions, but I'd like to hear Scott's dialogue.

I'm up for that cannibal play.


Jeremy Edwards said...

I'm up for that cannibal play.

Just steer clear of the dinner theater version. (Sorry, Scott--do you get that one all the time?)

Kristina Lloyd
Became annoyed
When Shanna Germain
Drank all her champagne.

Alison Tyler said...

Then Sommer Marsden said with a hiss
That bitch drank all my effing Guiness

(At least, I'm trying!)

Alison Tyler said...

But beaming Kiki smiled and said
Let's drink a glass of Bitch instead

kiki said...

jeremy said:

Just steer clear of the dinner theater version.

kiki says - oh dear me....have you started on the jello shots already?

and, while we're talking about the jello shots (okay, so while *I* am talking about jello shots...), are they REALLY called vodka jelly in the UK? or is wikipedia just wrong about that?


Madeline Moore said...

Madeline Moore
fucked a bisexual whore
and made off with the poor laddy's tights
When they caught her next day
she said, 'I've but one thing to say'
'I's a good girl 'til I blogged on Lust Bites.'

kiki said...

giggle *blush*

you've pegged me
for the label slut that i am
oh yes you did
miss sam i am

(alison didn't rhyme...of course, am and am don't rhyme either, now do they? ah fuck it. i'm much better with the chuck chuck bo buck kind of rhyming - heh heh)

kiki said...

ooh! i was going to show you the il bastardo to go w/bitch, but then i found THIS! how utterly delightful!


(i hope i did the html crap right)

Anonymous said...

with all this robust conversation, I think I'll have another shot. Thanks for having me...on. I love the way you all Lust!

Madeline Moore said...

See, I told you I could write a poem if I worked on it all day,
I just wish I were Scott McMorrow
so I could write a whole play.

Smut Girl said...

Jeremy Edwards was up for some wine,
But his box of lube came and he hasn't the time... ;)

kiki said...

hahahaha!!! sommer! that was most excellent! it made me want to do a little poetic bit about the FIZZ lube that jeremy has...but i didn't WANT to rhyme it with jizz.....

okay - so earlier i blamed the i'll blame the yummy mojitos...i LOVE having mint in my garden.


oh i do love my mojitos,
they make my heart go skipito(s)
but then when i type
i screw up the hype
and instead i end up w/hipitos

oh poor poor scott....this is not at ALL what he thought of when he was thinking poetry...was it?

Ally said...

Ok let me in on this html crap... How the heck (hell) do you make a link.

As for poetry...

My buddy just wrote me, knowing I was camping this weekend "with my Ex hub"...(just the last excerpt)

"Paul wrote"
Each story brought more glory with the coming of the lordy lordy, plow the fields of glory, I'm coming home home on the range where the deer and the buffalo play, for keep-sakes quaking on the lake,
stark naked.

I replied,,,

Oh how she quaked on the lake,
stark naked (Harrison Lake that is),
and she screamed at the top of her lungs so the mother could hear her.

But the man she brought with her, heard her first and bent her over, ass naked to the four winds to pay homage to the earth.

The earth shook and moved beneath their beating hearts,
primal grunts called to the rhythm of the planets churning.

She was still yearning another, but accepted the gift given freely.

How often can you have your cake and eat it too she thought, about her thoughts, that she was thinking.

See ya'll tomorrow

Shanna Germain said...

Oh my god! My name rhymes with champagne...I never even noticed.

That's so cool. Thanks for the rhyme and the great fun.

Best, s.

Jenny said...

For the record, I was liking the red silk robe. Left hanging open a bit. Getting a glimpse of Alison boob here and there. But omg the boots! What about the boobs, boots and robe?

Yes? Yes?

I'm seeing it.

And Shanna, you thrilled me as always. You make me hold my breath a bit while I read.

Alison Tyler said...

Hey Jenny,

My robe is so cool. Really. It's a red silk robe with white polka-dots, snagged from the men's department at Bloomingdale's. I bought one for a friend who was going off to college. (His is navy.) And then I saw the scarlet, and, well, had to have it.

If I get clever later on, I'll post a pic... Can't promise about the hint of boob, though.


Jenny said...

Hey Alison, we'll take what we can!

I once had a cobolt blue silk robe, short, with a hand painted dragon on the back. It was sexy! I got it from some guy at a Journey concert. He liked my shirt, so I wore the robe home! Actually, now that I think about it, he probably just wanted me take my shirt off.