Monday, October 15, 2007

Sex to Save the World!

Kristina Lloyd
On October 15th, bloggers around the web will unite to put a single issue on everyone’s mind - the environment. Today is Blog Action Day and over 15 000 blogs are participating. Lust Bites is one of them!

Here are our ten ways to be green and sexy:

1. Do it in the dark. Yes, that means you. Stop being so goddamn kinky and make out like you have some hang ups. In the dark, you’re forced to feel your way around with lips, fingers and skin, to listen closer to all those breathy moans and sighs. It’s sexy, slippery and fumbly. Plus, when you can’t see your lover’s face, they could be David Beckham. I mean, anyone, they could be anyone.

2. Reduce, reuse! Buy less stuff. It’s a waste of the planet’s resources and only creates more crap to be disposed of. Start seeing the world through pervertable eyes, and you’ll find plenty of objects with dual-function potential. Get spanky with a wooden spoon, borrow clothes-pegs from the washing line, aim the shower nozzle right there. For inspiration, read Mathilde Madden’s wonderful story, Pervertable, in B is for Bondage and explore Alison ‘Scrubber’ Tyler’s Bondage on a Budget for tips and tales on what to do with chopsticks, bathrobe-belts, egg whisks and the dishwasher on ‘scrub’ cycle.

3. Recycle! Check out Love Honey’s recycle your rabbit campaign. Use rechargeable batteries and recycle those too. NASTY FACT: Around 600 million UK household batteries (22,000 tonnes) – the equivalent weight of 110 Jumbo Jets – are sent to landfill unnecessarily every year. (And not all of them are mine.)

4. Save water! Bathe with a buddy or, better still, share a shower.

5. Use hemp rope for bondage. Not only is it more environmentally-friendly than synthetic rope, it’s the traditional rope for Japanese bondage. Try the nice folk at Twisted Monk for samples and supplies. And (Shameless Plug Alert) read Split, my forthcoming puppets and bondage book for some serious hemp-rope action.

6. Many sex toys are made using phthalates. (It’s pronounced: ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake - is nothing sacred.’) Phthalates are oil-derived chemical compounds used to soften plastic. Over time, they migrate to the surface of plastic and evaporate or leach into their surrounding environment. (That's why plastic goes brittle.) Their use is widely banned in the manufacture of children's toys while their use in adult toys remains unregulated. This being the internet, you can read stories about people who've grown a second head after a good old session with their jelly-feel butt plug. You can also read reports claiming phthalates are essentially harmless, usually from companies with a vested interest in their production. Sometimes, I don't know who to believe. On a global level, phthalates are one of the biggest industrial pollutants, and that's not good. On an individual level, you're probably more at risk from bacteria on an unwashed vibe. But, call me fussy, I'd still rather not stuff something up my chuff that's too toxic to go into a baby's mouth.

7. Don’t flush condoms. Most condoms are made primarily of latex which biodegrades although not when underwater. Send dead rubbers to landfill. It's not ideal but safe sex is crucial and sometimes you've just got to swallow it. Goodness, did I really say that?

8. Check out the horny hippies at Fuck for Forest and put some politics into your porn and some porn into your politics.

9. Quit using plastic bags. In the UK, a campaign is growing to make Christmas 2007 plastic-bag free. If you haven't got your own bag, you could invest in a Lust Bites 'I ♥ dirty books' tote bag as modelled by my friend Bam Bam on Brighton beach.

10. Get back to nature and shag outdoors. A breeze on your nethers is heaven, and it helps to be reminded that ours is a beautiful but increasingly fragile planet. We mustn't fuck it up. We don't have one spare.

And now it's your turn. Can you add to my list? Do you have any hot, eco-friendly pervertables the world ought to know about? Any green sex toy companies to recommend? Any pictures of, say, David Beckham in the buff and acting like he's carbon neutral? Then do please share.

NOW! The nekkid Becks pictures NOW!

Kristina X


Ally said...

Was that fast enough... NOW enough?

A Moment Later"

I want to fuck him like an animal out in the woods.

I got laid looking at this, but freezing my ass off, glaciers are cold eh.

My favorite entity, The Mother

I will think of something to say later after I've slept. I spent hours writing for this day on my own blog and I'm a little loopy at the moment... LOL

kristina lloyd said...

Ally, I adore you! That's very NOW. Thank you. And look, David's in the bath waiting for me to get in and save water with him.

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks for an entertaining post with a serious point!

Janine Ashbless said...

Awesome, Kristina. And Ally!
I'm surprised Mr Beckham ever has time to play football, he's so busy doing photo-shoots.

SCOTT ELROD in the woods!!! AAAH!

I can totally totally recommend the Lovehoney Rabbit Amnesty. Excellent value for money, fast, discrete, works like a dream - and that's not just their postal service...

Jeremy Edwards said...

I love the way you mix learning, laughter, and lechery, KL.

Don't forget the ecological advantages of plant-related orgasms. I understand that sweet peas are a renewable resource.

Olivia Knight said...

No phthalates in organic veg, are they? Courgettes, carrots, cucumbers, marrows and butternut squash for the really brave - there's always something in season. Plus if you use a local organic veg box service, your food has the least air-miles of all possible buying-methods, PLUS you don't need to take your car to the supermarket (and anyway, everyone knows supermarkets are evil). Put the box back into veg box!

Don't throw away your cigar cases - fill them with angry hornets instead. Bzzzzzzzzz...

Gray squirrels are contributing to the declining bird population by eating the eggs - I'm sure we can think of a better use for those fluffy little tails?

Turn down the heating and find more interesting ways to keep warm. Don't forget that one of the solutions to hypothermia is to get naked in a sleeping bag with the sufferer. (Now there's a factoid that fuelled a million teenage fantasies...)

Olivia Knight said...

P.S. Having children is environmentally unfriendly - so turn yourself around one-eighty degrees. (Lengthways, that is - not on your axis. That would be a "96" and kinda misses the point.)

kristina lloyd said...

Thanks guys and gals.

And Jeremy, you're so kind. 'Learning, laughter and lechery.' I briefly wondered what the percentage breakdown of that might be but then I ended up thinking about David Beckham reading a book. And that's just wrong.

And Olivia, thank God I saved all my cigar cases.

Here's a thing. One of Brighton council's slogans to promote its kerbside recycling scheme declares: Happiness is a full box.

Olivia Knight said...

Cycle for sex: the muscles used cycling are the same ones you need ride rodeo-style.

Alison Tyler said...

I love this concept... Green Sex. It's a platform all politician's should embrace, don't you think?

Shower with a buddy. That's got to be my favorite. I'm in awe of Olivia's imagination, although I'm not sure I'll be dining at Chez Knight any time soon. Courgettes? Seriously? (Of course, I had to look that up. I though it was a type of poodle.)

Ta very much for all the intense research, KL!


Olivia Knight said...

Alison, I'm hurt - I'm an excellent cook! You haven't lived till you've tasted my seafood & vegetable stew ;-)

A few more...
- reuse your old tights as restraints
- adopt the "slut" look by not replacing your tights every time they ladder
- save on cut flowers: have sex on the first date
- replace pilates and all that naff bollocks with "sexercise" and donate your gym membership to green charities
- local MPs get lots of letters; shag yours to make sure your concerns move to the top of the pile
- buy less: stop wearing underwear

t'Sade said...

Olivia Knight: I have to agree absolutely on that one. Cycling also keeps you in better shape for sex, uses less money for gas so you can spend it on eco-friendly toys... for sex, and you get a great ass from it. :)

Alison Tyler said...

Oh, I'm sure your food is divine, Miss O. It's only the "Where has that Courgette been?" thought that would race through my mind before dining.

Although I think I have a chapter on previously-fucked fruit in Bondage on a Budget.

Hmmmm.... melon, anyone?

Janine Ashbless said...

save on cut flowers: have sex on the first date

Actually - serious point - if you buy Fairtrade roses from an African source for Valentine's day, they actually have a lower carbon footprint (despite the airmiles) than ones grown in greenhouses in the northern hemisphere. Plus the money goes to developing nation farmers.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm.... melon, anyone?

"A woman for children, a boy for pleasure and a melon for ecstacy," is a traditional proverb from somewhere in the middle-east, supposedly. But it may be apochryphal.

Madeline Moore said...

Kristina Lloyd, you are amazing. Last week - WTF is LB gonna do for Worldwide Blog for the Planet Day, and this week - this fabulous post.
Lust Bites rocks and it's because of talented people like you that it does. I'm in awe.

My tips? Make your own 'sex potions for female pleasure' using mineral oil and peppermint. It's all about rushing blood to certain areas of the body and peppermint will do it just as well as expensive little blister packs of gel that basically just use menthol as their scientific compound.

Make date night simple - eat, fuck, drink, fuck, watch a movie at home and fuck. No cars, much cheaper, and usually more fun than going out.

Have your slave use vinegar and water when s/he cleans your house from top to bottom while you write,sleep, and have sex...

That last one comes under the category - In Your Dreams, Madeline. But, you know, if I had a slave who did all my housework, sigh, I'd make him use vinegar and water and order him to put some muscle into it, dammit! Yeah, that's what I'd do...

Olivia Knight said...

Speaking of slaves, Madeline...

Mistresses: withhold favours from your sub until he/she is leading a carbon-neutral lifestyle.

And one for the boys: save on tissues with a pearl necklace.

Deanna Ashford said...

Phthalates- what a fine word, even if the stuff itself leeches dangerous chemicals.

I know we are still talking batteries here, but you can put an old electric toothbrush to good use - after replacing the head of course.

Shameless plug- you can read about it for yourself in my book Doctor's Orders.

Jeremy Edwards said...

If you outfit the toothbrush with a shameless plug, then you don't need batteries.

kristina lloyd said...

For when your teeth are clean enough! Although I'm sure Olivia could fashion something similar out of an old glove and an emery board.

And thank you Madeline. I salute your cheap date philosophy.

Kate Pearce said...

I have a nice picture of David Beckham naked but as I have severe techno fear, I can't do the linky things so perhaps I'll just have to keep it to myself-or send it to you later Kristina!

Great post!

Love all the ideas-always use paper rather than plastic but drive a huge SUV due to having 4 kids which apparently I shouldn't have done-any thoughts on how to recycle kids, Olivia?

kristina lloyd said...

Later? Later? Kate, what is this word?

Haven't you heard of 'now'? Ally understands it fine.

Kate Pearce said...

I'll try putting him in the lustbites smut folder and you can take it from there :)

Ally said...

You adore me? Tyty, kissing your goddess toes.

Recycle children...
(great idea)...

Reduce,,, use birthcontrol or like me get your tubes tied so you can save on condoms too.

Reuse,,, When you have grandchildren this is easy. You can use them to get back at your own kids for all the stupid shit they pulled over the years by cramming them full of sweets, preservatives and food colouring and sending them back to torture their parents. (It's a grannys rite ya know.)

Recycle,,, Make them play with the same toys for longer. Instead of buying nintendos to entertain them just hand them basebat bats, they will find a way to get just as violent with each other and you will save money on the solid foods that they can no longer eat when they bash each others teeth out. Take them to the recycle centre, if you can't get any cash for them, put them to work, then steal their paychecks.

You are awesome, you made me blow coffee out my nose with all of your handy hints, kudos.

solution to hypothermia is to get naked in a sleeping bag with the sufferer.
That's such fun, really. I've written about that in the novel I am working on right now, without the sleeping bag though, they weren't that lucky, they have to weave cedar branches to use as a blanket, but wow they sure do warm up in interesting ways. Nothing like fucking in the woods by firelight eh.

The First Ever Excerpt from this novel...
‘Oh merci Kendal, merci, I don’t know what else to say. You must have been so terrified with everything that happened.’

‘You are welcome Alan, I was just so glad I could save you. I didn’t really have time to feel too frightened or shocked. I just acted with what I have been taught to do all of my life. As soon as you were breathing I ran around to get this little campsite ready and get a fire going to keep you warm. That water was so very cold, you were pale and so in need of a fire. I was cold too, but I was able to ignore it mostly because I was so busy. I was so relieved to crawl under here with you and warm up. I must have fell asleep real fast, because I don’t remember laying here long. How long were you awake for before I woke up to find myself molesting you.’ she laughed as she asked.
Alan chuckled, his eyes sparkled with arousal and his body responded in kind once again remembering the desperate heights she had drove him to prior to her awakening, and then again after her waking. ‘Haha, oui, you nearly drove me mad. Before that though I did get up, relieve myself, I collected more wood and built up the fire again, it was down to smoldering ashes. When I came back under this uncomfortable bed you made for us I tried to warm you up, but it excited me and I rolled over. But you found me and snuggled up to me anyway. Next thing I know you were playing with me in your sleep and I just couldn’t let you continue. I came so close to cumming in your hand. I certainly didn’t expect for you to continue to make love to me after you woke up eh. That was amazing.’ he said nuzzling her neck and smelling her hair.

Kate Pearce said...

okay-he's in the Yahoo photos on our home page-best I can do without better techno skills-yes I realize I'm pathetic...

Madelynne Ellis said...

I'm still admiring your recycled trees from yesterday. Wish they'd been around when a former editor insisted a polished wooden dildo was out of the question!

Jeremy Edwards said...

Wish they'd been around when a former editor insisted a polished wooden dildo was out of the question!

Where were you trying to insert it? I understand that some editors have scruples about accepting gifts in the orifice—sorry, the office.

Sacchi Green said...

When I saw the lovely array of carved wood dildoes, I commenced pondering on what the tactile differences might be, and then realized that here was a fine idea for an elegant party, kind of along the lines of a wine-tasting where you have to try to guess the vintage and vineyard. Come to think of it, one could do both at once, though with considerable risk of spilling some wine.,

Sacchi Green said...

And, just so veggies don't get all the glory, here's a snippet from a piece about survivor-show contestants shipwrecked on an island:

"I'll bet you have inside information," Max said, not too steadily, "about what Robinson Crusoe used for sex toys!"

"Is that a challenge?" I watched a gleaming pearl of pre-cum form at the slit in his cock. Perverse inspiration struck. "If so, I accept."

I yanked the belt from his shorts; he lifted his head in alarm but didn't try to stop me. His expression went from apprehension to uncertainty to horrified awe as I leaned over to grab the oysters.

The belt buckle was just the tool for prying open the very large, very tough shells. "No pearl in this one," I said, bringing the opened bivalve close to his erection. "Maybe you could share." I tapped his cock; it jerked. I just managed to catch his dew drop on the oyster, while some of the liquid cupped in the shell dripped onto his balls. I bent to lick it off, then touched my tongue to the glistening shellfish.

"A good beginning, but it could use more sauce." I slid the oyster from the shell into my mouth and held it there, excitement balancing revulsion, while I worked Max hard with both hands. At the penultimate moment, when his deep moans began to rise in pitch and quicken until they nearly flowed together, I worked my mouth down over his cock. It was all I could do to keep the slippery oyster from being rammed down my throat, but I managed to wait until Max's storm of cries rattled my bones and the hot flood of his coming burst over my tongue.

Swallowing had never been quite like that before. The taste was indescribable. And unforgettable.

It was a while before Max regained enough breath to speak. "Lexie," he said, "what about.... It's your turn...." I could tell he was trying not to look at the remaining oyster. I plucked it from its shell and cradled it in my palm. It was a very large, very juicy oyster. Liquid dripped between my fingers into my lap and seeped downward to join my own juices.

"No, it's your turn," I said, leaning back and spreading my legs. The oyster was cold against my tender heat; I tensed, but kept pushing. Between its slippery coating and my own wet readiness it went in easily. My cunt tried to grip the slick, yielding pressure, and the teasing subtlety of the stimulation began to drive me crazy. "It's your turn," I said, gasping, "to eat!"

"Well," Max said, "considering the gourmet dipping sauce...." And he ate, his willingness to learn exceeded only by the length of his truly phenomenal tongue and the dexterity of his fingers on my breasts. It was a long time before I realized that the throbbing sounds filling the air weren't all coming from me.

"A search helicopter," Max said, and wiped his mouth.

(from Wet: More Aqua Erotica)

Ally said...

Wow, an oyster in an oyster. Umm makes me feel a little clammy.

I wonder if there is a way we can take eco sex and turn it into some kind of renewable energy sourse?

kristina lloyd said...

*Clammy* - ha ha!

Thanks Kate! I took him.