Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Crush Wednesday: Men in Uniform - Top Ten

By Mathilde Madden
I was going to say, that at this time of year, we think about all the uniformed men who work tirelessly even through the bitterest cold while we’re kicking back with the sherry and the fairy lights. But who am I fooling, it’s just an excuse for a parade of hotness.

10. Canadian Mountie
When I asked my fellow lusties to suggest their favourite uniforms, Dayle A Dermatis offered this one. He’s not showing much flesh and the hat’s a little goofy, but I have to admit there is something about a man with a great big beast between his legs.





9. Butler
You rang, ma’am.







8.Footballer
Or soccer, if you prefer. I know what I prefer and it’s the shorts riding up over those muscular legs. (I can’t believe this picture is over ten years old – I still love you Eric!)





7. Man of the cloth
Monk, priest, crazy evangelist. Oh, and personally I do like a nice angel. (I know that veers a little off the path of what is technically a ‘uniform’ but it is Christmas.)





6. Superhero
The lycra! The angst! The lycra again. Too much to love







5. Naval
Love lifts us up where we belong! Also, all the nice girls love a sailor. Deanna Ashford mentioned the naval uniformed Chippendales - is Tom of Finland near enough?


4. Policeman
They uphold the law, they carry handcuffs, they offer to take down your particulars... what more is there to ask?



3. Vintage Military
So many people hollered ‘Sharpe!’ at me, when I asked about uniforms.







2. Firefighter
Rawr! It's getting hot in here.








1. Military
Ah, now, I know we’ve had naval and vintage, but my number one is, of course, your basic squaddie brute. Oh, lovely.






So, did I get them in the right order?

Mat Madden x
All present and correct, sah!


PS Here's one uniformed man (hang on - where is his uniform?) that deserves an honourable mention - search him out with the Lust Bites Scavenger Hunt - still running until 5th Jan 2008

33 comments:

Janine Ashbless said...

So what are the Air Force doing wrong?

Janine Ashbless said...

Nice post by the way - cheers me up no end despite my dribbly cold.

But bell-bottoms?? We want flying helmets! Sheepskin jackets! Captain Jack...

Olivia Knight said...

You want flying helmets. I want flying men... I want to be Starbuck, and to take Captain Adama home with me. (Another Captain to add to our lust-list)

But since you asked, Janine, here's Cpt Jack with a giant dong between his legs.

Olivia Knight said...

Oh. Um. Just found him with water spraying down his trousers. Bare chested. Hair ruffled. Glaring sideways into the camera. With intent.

I know there's no uniform. But it is Captain Jack Harkness.

Anyone up for a sociophyscophilosopseudophical discussion about the attraction of men in uniforms? No? Really? Quite sure?

kristina lloyd said...

Basic Squaddie Brute would be my number one choice as well. I love army boys! Here's one of my favourite pics, ever!

Firemen are hot too (sorry!) and I love those mean-looking European cops with their great big boots. But I don't go for the crisp, smart look. Basically, any kind of uniform which looks as if it has to be ironed doesn't do much for me.

Oh, look! A man in some tiny little pants.

Mathilde Madden said...

I knew I should have done a top twenty...

Mathilde Madden said...

PS Janine, guess how many pics of you-know-who I had to wade through after I typed 'sexy butler' into google?

I say wade, that makes it sound arduous - it was in fact very, very pleasant.

kristina lloyd said...

More giant dongs!

And I almost forgot - David at his most beautiful!

Mathilde Madden said...

I feel bad for all the amazing pics that aren't in my post. We should do a collage or something

kristina lloyd said...

A collage? You mean like the time we did 200 men?

But didn't we nearly die doing that?

Olivia Knight said...

Yes, you did - I remember - it was a very near thing. Both Kristina and Tilly were thrashing about helplessly in a sea of male flesh, their deaths almost certain, when a procession of sailors came tap-dancing across the waves to rescue them.

Mathilde Madden said...

We ought to try again. We must be brave!

Think of the glory!

Laura J. said...

But where are the cowboys? Gotta love a man in a Stetson.

Mathilde Madden said...

I do too. But I kind of thought cowboy, not a uniform. Am I wrong?

Sacchi Green said...

My UPS man certainly deserves to be here, but I don't think I can get away with taking a picture.

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

According to Russell Smith, the uniform is the underlying principle behind all of mens' fashion. For instance, the typical business suit is pretty much of a uniform, with perhaps tie pattern being the sole vehicle for expressions of individuality.

So what is it about the uniform that makes a man so sexually appealing. Is it the underlying suggestion that you're not just fucking one man, you're fucking an entire army?

Kate Pearce said...

Oh God, I love them all. Do I have to choose or can I just have one of each?

Janine Ashbless said...

Olivia, thank-you for Jack and the Giant Dong (sounds like a pantomime doesn't it?)!

Karl ~ Uniform =
warrior
strength
hero/rescue/protection
which are all good things. I prefer women in military uniform personally.

We tend to associate it with defence not threat in the West because we haven't fought that many wars against uniformed enemies recently. Though even Nazi uniform has appeal to some. Sociophyscophilosopseudophical enough?

Mat ~ you poor thing, wading through "sexy butler". Hope you had your waterproofs on! (He did in fact once play a butler, or at least a footman, inMrs Brown .)

Portia Da Costa said...

I like it when plain clothes cops put their bullet proof vests on.

Hawt!

Deanna Ashford said...

Captain Jack, why didn't I remember him! On Sunday his alter ego JB showed me his underpants - truth, honest, cross my heart but it wasn't just me unfortunately - I hasten to add.
If only I'd had a camera with me,I could have posted the proof right here!!!
There is something about a man in uniform that is so sexy.

Deanna Ashford said...

Captain Jack, why didn't I remember him! On Sunday his alter ego JB showed me his underpants - truth, honest, cross my heart but it wasn't just me unfortunately - I hasten to add.
If only I'd had a camera with me,I could have posted the proof right here!!!
There is something about a man in uniform that is so sexy.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

I don't have as much of a thing for military men per se, probably because I grew up in a military family and my first husband was in the military. It's less of a "uniform" thing and more of an "individual as attractive" thing.

But I think one of the major attractions to men (or women) in uniforms is that uniforms are a shield, and we want to know what's underneath. We want to crack the reserve. The female equivilant (albeit something of a cliché) is the librarian in her 'uniform" of tight bun, glasses, conservative clothes--but get her to let her hair down, and there's a wild woman underneath. Most men in uniform (traditional uniform, not nec. something like a business suit) are by nature serious--military, police, etc. We see the uniform as a challenge; we want to strip it off and find the human being underneath.

Or, of course, it's all about domination and control! LOL

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Oh, and all this talk of Battlestar Galactica folks and Captain Jack and whatnot? Just wait 'til February, when Teresa and I explore why (and how) in the future, all future men and woman are hot!

Anne Tourney said...

I have to agree with Sacchi about her UPS guy. There are so many hot UPS guys, I really think pulchritude must be a requirement. In fact, a co-worker and I once cornered a UPS guy at our front desk and asked him if he'd been screened for looks. He acted like he didn't know what we were talking about. Imagine that.

I think the UPS delivery guy is like a combination of the military dude, the butler, and the soccer player. He's got that military "protect and serve" demeanor, the butler's solicitude, and the soccer player's shorts.

And, of course, he's always carrying a big package . . . . .

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Not just big packages, but big packages for you!

Ally said...

Although I wouldn't mind Mounting a Mountie, the RCMP I see on a regular basis don't normally look like that. The great thing is they look even better in their regular uniforms.

But you guys missed my favorite uniform... That of a greasy Auto Machanic, or does that not count as a uniform...
:)~

Olivia Knight said...

I agree with Janine's warrior, strength, hero/rescue/protection analysis - and would also add moral rectitude. That may seem an odd thing to lust after, unless one goes all nudge-nudge wink-wink over a good and upright man (a hard man is good to find etc etc), but a certain moral rigidity (phner phenr, rigid, she said rigid, geddit?) is very sexy. Mmm...

Madeline Moore said...

Maybe it's the idea of 'military precision' and the rat-a-tat-tat of the drums, plus the way a good soldier can 'Drop and give me twenty' without hesitation, oh baby drop and give ME twenty...

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

The moral rectitude angle is an interesting one. I've know women who've lusted after priests and I think it's partly a pride thing. They want to be the one who can persuade this morally upright man to cheat on Jesus. Plus the longing for the unattainable. It like "You say you're not interested in women. Well you haven't met me yet, have you."

t'Sade said...

Oh, yummy. I absolutely adore uniforms. Specially firemen, not sure why.

Olivia Knight said...

Plus the longing for the unattainable - that's always made more sense to me than the pride-thing of "sure, you can resist women - try resisting me!" I'm sure there are women who think like that, but I'd rather be found attractive from the start than have to fight for it ;-)

I think the other aspect of moral rectitude is plain old-fashioned sociological "mate choice". (I speak for myself now - I'm sure other Lusties have far more honourably dishonourable intentions!) Of course to be accurate, mate-choice usually translates as "I want to mate with you" not "I want to set up home and choose dish-towels" which is why when I see a male Battlestar Galactica pilot I think "Phwoaaar", not "How about soft cotton with woven green check?". In life, they end up much the same. In fantasy, we're spared (or denied...) the dishtowels.

Janine Ashbless said...

"sure, you can resist xxx - try resisting me"

Why am I not surprised this interpretation was suggested by a man?

I find the overwhelming attractive point about the fantasy priest/messiah/Jesus figure is as Olivia suggests the moral rectitude. Good is attractive. Why on earth should that be surprising? Surely it's slighty more illogical to find Bad attractive? (- or at least it needs a longer more complex explanation. See Ms Lloyd for details.)

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

Piping in very late here...

Uniforms are much less hawt when you're laundering five sets or so per week.

My beloved is sexy in or out of uniform (in my biased opinion) but one gets rather blase about the whole uniform thing when one's married to a cop. (Well, strictly speaking a humane officer, but he works for the police and the uniform is very similar, right down to the Stompy Boots.)

Now Sharpe...that's another story.