Monday, December 10, 2007

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere . . .

Hello, lovely and lusty ones! I’m delighted you could join us to kick off December with some holiday decadence. What could be more decadent than sharing cocktails with a bunch of smutwriters at five o’clock in the morning, or five o’clock wherever you are? Along with cocktails, we’ll be serving appetizers: juicy secrets about the Lustbites authors (hopefully the latter will increase as the booze begins to flow). You might even find a few cocktail recipes tucked in among the gossip. I’m Anne, your hostess, bartender, and designated driver. Anyone who needs a ride home across The Pond will need to check with the nearest dark, mysterious stranger reading alone at the back of the bar (Shanna, isn’t your vice men reading alone in bars?).

So grab a seat, order a drink, slip off your shoes -- or your inibitions, or your panties, or whatever else you might do to make yourself comfortable -- and let’s get to know each other. Whether you’re a writer or a reader or both, please share a bit about yourself, too, using our questions or some of your own. Your favorite cocktail recipes are welcome, too; your bartender could use some inspiration here.

I’d like to say thanks to Alison Tyler for passing the swizzle stick to me for this shindig – hopefully she’ll drop in to procrastinate with us for awhile and have a few drinks.

Okay, I’ll spin the empty champagne bottle. (One down already? It's going to be a wild Monday.)
~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Hi, I'm Deanna Ashford and I live in the south of England, close toLondon. I'm a full time writer when I'm not looking after everyone else in my family, including my very elderly King Charles Spaniel. I write historical, fantasy and modern erotica. My favourite are historicals and I'd write them all the time if my editor would let me!I love the research and find the past infinitely more interesting than the present.

Favourite Authors: Lots but the ones I can think of are Simon Scarrow,Bernard Cornwell and Mark Adkin.

Religion: None but Buddism does sound interesting
Turned on by: Passionate, fairly muscular men, with dark curls youwant to run your fingers through and blue/green eyes.

Would like to fuck: A certain guy who shall remain nameless but you can find his description above.

Passions other than sex: Writing of course, romantic music, historyand travel.

Major character flaw: I'm typical of my birth-sign Aries and I worry way too much about what I look like.
Drink of Choice: Mai-Tai
1 ounce Fine Jamaican Rum
1 ounce Martinique Rum (St. James)
1/2 ounce Orange Curacao
1/2 ounce Orgeat Syrup
Juice from one fresh lime (about 3/4 ounce)

Shake vigorously and serve. I chose this because it reminds me of Hawaii my most favourite place.

Hi, I'm Olivia. I drink red wine, smoke roll-ups, listen to film scores on full blast, stay up late, walk very fast, and talk too much at parties. I'm the one standing outside with a cigarette who's just thrown her wine all over her dress. And that's why I wear black. No, I'm not drunk - I'm by nature a loud, friendly, clumsy person. And here's the Q&A lowdown...

Favorite to read: A.S. Byatt

Favorite to watch (apart from a man undressing): Farscape

Favorite food & drink: daytime, oatcakes & coffee; nightime, cheese & wine

Religion: anything featuring priestesses & ancient vaulting stone - I'm a temple-whore

Things that make me hot: words - words words words - intelligence - hipbones - strong arms - thick black hair - skin-smell

Would like to fuck: Legolas, Aragorn, Tristan

Passions other than writing and sex: candles, art, music, walking, and trees

Major character flaw: stubborn as a rock. In fact, rocks have nothing on me.

Favorite quotation: "Do I look absolutely divine and regal, yet at the same time very pretty and rather accessible?" - Queenie, from Blackadder

Philosophy: Do what you love.
Olivia's Martini Tutorial:
  • Dash of vermouth
  • Gin
  • An olive, speared on a toothpick
Use an ice-cold glass. Roll the vermouth around a martini glass, tossing out any extra. Put the olive in on its toothpick. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice & shake two measures of gin in it, then strain it into the glass.
Note the absence of crushed ice, mixers, cherries, vodka, and nasty stuff that comes in a bottle labelled "Martini" but which isn't. It's really not so hard - so I can't work out why almost nowhere can get it right...
"Martini, martini, the drink I like most -
Two and I'm under the table,
Three and I'm under host."
- Dorothy Parker


I’ve been writing erotic fiction since the early 1990’s. Most recently I’ve been writing erotica and erotic romance novels for Black Lace and Cheek. I’ve also published a bit of dark fantasy and mainstream fiction here and there. Today my latest Cheek novel Lying in Mid-Air makes its debut in the U.S. And I just typed “The End” on my 2008 Cheek release, Kiss Between My Lines.

Favorite Author: So, so hard to choose just one, but I think my all-time favorite, in terms of both the depth and breadth of her creativity and the influence she had on my writing, is Margaret Atwood.

Religion: Episcopagnostic

Things that make me hot: Intelligence, wit, creativity, and passion in anyone, male or female. Deep, long kisses that make you feel like you’re blissfully drowning. Men with strong, large, well-shaped hands. Men who tell me stories or read me poetry. Horse toys (I’ll tell you more about that after we’ve had a few).

Would like to fuck: Alexander the Great. Yeah, I know, time travel’s a bitch, but I’ll go to great lengths for a truly dominant male.

Passions other than writing or sex: Reading, photography, movies, long walks alone, contemporary poetry, my sweet six-toed Siamese cat, sushi, sweets, music (classical, jazz, alternative rock, and ambient are some of my favorites).

Drink: Cranberry juice with 7-Up and a lemon twist.

Philosophy of life: It’s not a party till somebody spills their drink.

Major character flaw: A love of excess. And more excess. And a bit more of that excess, please.

Favorite sex toy: Anything that makes me feel like I have four legs and a tail.

Secret for overcoming writer’s block: A sledgehammer.

Cocktail recipe: This is the only time of year that I can justify drinking fattening drinks. The rest of the year, I could knock 'em back anyway, but with considerably more guilt.

Peppermint Stick

1 1/2 oz. Creme de Cacao
1 oz. Peppermint Schnaps
1 oz. light cream

Shake ingredients with ice; strain into a champagne flute. Garnish with a candy cane.

And I had to add this one, just ‘cause I love anything slippery:

Slippery Nog

3/4 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream
3/4 oz. Butterscotch Schnapps

Combine Bailey’s and schnapps in a highball glass, fill with eggnog. Stir well. Suck it down. Mmmmm . . . .

Holiday cocktail recipes from Drink Nation.


Hi, I’m Kate Pearce, and you’re probably going to ask me if I write children’s books but I don’t -- really, I don’t. Despite looking like your average frumpy housewife, I write the edgy erotic romance novels that my mother is ashamed of. I’m originally from the UK and now live in California so I understand both sides of all the Lustie’s arguments which can get quite confusing sometimes. (erm not that we ever argue of course)

I write for Virgin Cheek, Ellora’s Cave and Kensington Aphrodisia so I’m busy as hell but glad to be employed. Historicals are my favorite books to write but somehow the contemporaries and futuristics sell just as well.

Favorite author: Just one? Jane Austen

Religion: Ex Roman Catholic and okay with that.

Things that make me hot: Voices, smiles, muscled arms, my hubby, Becks and Take That.

Would like to fuck: Now this minute?

Passions other than writing and sex? Riding a horse, reading, my little dog, good food and friends.

Major character flaw: I don’t have one -- erm, complacency

Philosophy: Life’s too short to waste doing something you hate.


Strawberry Lemondrop Martini

3 oz vodka
4 oz sweet and sour mix
6 drops lemon juice
1 tsp sugar

Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker, and shake. Place the rim of a chilled cocktail/martini glass in a bowl of lemon juice, then transfer to a bowl of sugar in order to coat the rim. Pour the contents of the cocktail shaker into the cocktail glass, and serve. Makes 2 martinis.


Hi, Teresa Noelle Roberts here. You can call me T. Want some coffee, or maybe a glass of wine? Pull up a chair--you'll probably have to move a cat or two first--and make yourself comfortable. I'm writing from southern Massachusetts, unfortunately not right on the beautiful wintry coast, but I can pretend. I write short fiction, novels, and poetry, mostly erotic and/or mystical in nature. I also write erotic fiction as half of the fabulous two-headed monster named Sophie Mouette. I've been playing with words since before I actually knew how to write, and will probably continue to do so until they pry the keyboard out of my cold dead hands.

Favorite author: In what genre? I think I have a word limit here... I have an old-fashioned love for Jane Austen, because of the way she handles serious matters with a light touch.

Religion: Crunchy freeform pagan.

Things that make me hot: Beautiful eyes, intelligence, thinking dominance, leather, little beards, wit, cleavage (most likely not in combination with a little beard, but gender-bending is pretty hot too). And did I mention wit, intelligence, and dominance?

Would like to fuck: Possibly, if you're witty, smart, and on the toppy side, but my dance card's full these days.

Passions other than writing and sex? Food and cooking. The ocean. Belly dance. Sharing any of the above (and writing and where appropriate, sex) with those I love.

Drink: Champagne or rich red wine. Possibly a fine Scotch.

Major character flaw: Procrastination. (I should be working on a novel right now!)

Philosophy: I like being on the bisexual fence. I can see my house from here. More to the point, I can see yours . . . and the view in your bedroom window's mighty nice!


An interviewer once said of me that I have so many pseudonyms, you'd think I was a spy! Under my own name (Dayle A. Dermatis), she writes fantasy/SF. As Sophie Mouette, with coauthor Teresa Noelle Roberts, I write erotica and erotic romance. As Sarah Dale, with coauthor Sarah J. Husch, I write erotic romance. And as Andrea Dale, I write erotica and erotic romance, too... Apparently I've never seen the point in using pen names for privacy reasons.

I work full time as a writer and editor, and live in southern California within scent of the ocean. No, the recent wildfires didn't threaten me, although the sky turned the color of what I imagine the sky in hell looks like (if I believed in hell). I have impressive cleavage. Many people are surprised to learn I'm not a Virgo.

Favourite author: Guy Gavriel Kay

Politics: No, thank you

Religion: Pagan Turned on by: Full lower lips, dark blue eyes, naughty wickedness, sense of humor

Would like to fuck: Many of you

Passions other than sex: Styx, history, costuming, textile/fiber arts, music, herbalism, Wales, Celtic studies, birds of prey, cats (big and small), faeries, Pre-Raphaelites, Craftsman bunglows, travel (37 countries to date), motorcycling . . .

Major character flaw: Not admitting I have one

Favourite anecdote: The first thing William the Conqueror did when landing in Britain was trip and fall on his face. He recovered by grasping a handful of sand and announcing that it was the first part of Britain he'd conquered. No idea if it's true, but damn, I wish I had that ability to think on my feet! (Or not, as the case may be...)

Drink: Although I once wrote a story about a drink called The Witch of Venice, I prefer a nice, crisp, dry white wine. Or champagne. "It doesn't matter whether the glass is half-empty or half-full. What matters is whether there's another bottle of champagne chilling in the fridge."


Hi all - Shanna Germain hailing from Portland, Ore. where it's currently raining. Where it's always raining. Which means I get to spend a lot of time cooped up in my home office, with the cat on my lap and a soy mocha on my desk, pumping out words. I write a little bit of everything -- I'm mainly a short story writer, but I also write poetry, articles, novellas and, most recently, novels. My topics are almost always sex and death. Blame it on my hippie parents. Or my sordid past as a college student. Or the years that I worked as a paramedic. Or maybe those are just the things that interest me most. (Can I say that on Blogger?)

Favorite author: Amy Bloom.

Politics: Way too liberal to still be living in the U.S.

Religion: Naturalistic pantheist. Or heathen. Depends on the day.

Things that give me a hard-on: A good laugh, great dimples (in either set of cheeks), blue-blue eyes, snake hips, muscled calves, curly hair, boots, a woman who walks like she means it, a man reading alone in a bar.

Would like to fuck: Yes.

Passions other than sex: Writing, first and foremost. Then, sex. Oh, wait, other than sex . . . walking and hiking, playing sports, coffee, dark beer, good food, travel, great friends.

Major character flaw: Fear disguised as humor

Favourite anecdote: Dorothy Parker was once interrupted on her honeymoon by Harold Ross (her indomitable editor at The New Yorker), pressing her for a belated book review. "Too fucking busy," Parker replied, "and vice versa."

Drink: I'll have two of everything.


Hi – I’m Janine Ashbless. I live in England, and write full time. I foster dogs for a rescue charity. I’ve got chainsaw certification. I’ve been trained in shamanic journeying, though I don’t do it any more. I write paranormal, fairy-tale and fantasy erotica : "Vivid and tempestuous and dangerous, and bursting with sacrifice, death and love. " Portia says – I couldn’t ask for a better description. Imagine a bastard cross between Angela Carter and Robert E. Howard! I also write ‘straight’ ghost stories and horror – but not under this name. I write because it’s a physical addiction: if I stop for too long I start to go wappy.

Favourite author: HP Lovecraft (not as rude as he sounds!).
Politics: Green

Religion: Pagan atheist

Turned on by: Intellect, goatee beards, long hair, heroism

Would like to fuck: Gerard Butler

Passions other than sex: Travel, myth, greyhound welfare

Major character flaw: Embittered idealist

Favourite anecdote:

Niels Bohr, the quantum physicist, was asked why he had a horseshoe nailed over his door.
"For luck."
"But you don’t believe in that sort of thing, surely!"
"No I don’t. But I understand it works whether you believe it or not."

Drink: Mine’s a Bloody Mary, Anne!

Bloody Mary

4 -6 cubes (cracked) Ice
1dash Worcestershire sauce
1 dash tabasco sauce
1 measure vodka
6 measures tomato juice
1/2 a lemon worth lemon juice
1 pinch celery salt
1 pinch cayenne pepper

Put the cracked ice into a shaker. Dash the Worcestershire sauce and Tobasco sauce over the ice and pour in the vodka, tomatoe juice and lemon juice. Shake vigorously until a frost forms. Strain into a tall, chilled glass, add a pinch of celery salt and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Decorate with celery stick and/ or slice of lemon.


Hello. I’m Kristina Lloyd and you’ll always find me in the kitchen at parties. I live in Brighton on the south coast of England, and I write about women who like it on the dark, dirty and dangerous side. That’ll be me then. I’m quiet and bookish (shut up Madden, I am) and I like a nice whisky. My third Black Lace book, Split, has just been released and I seem to spend a lot of time staring into the middle distance, wondering when he’ll untie me.

Good stuff: bees, i-Pod, men swimming, me swimming, taxidermy, shingle beaches, porn, Pilot Hi-techpoint V5 pens (black ink), cartography, straitjackets, Andalusia, olives, marionettes, opium poppies and lots of other lovely, idiosyncratic nonsense like that.

Cocktail of choice: Margarita

1. For that salt-frosted rim, chill glass in freezer. Rub a lime wedge around rim. Dip in a saucer of salt. (Well, I think that’s how I did it last time. Tequila affects my memory.)

2. Follow the 3:2:1 rule. Three parts tequila, 2 parts Triple Sec, 1 part freshly squeezed lime juice. Shake in an old jam jar for that extra homemade touch. Pour over a smidgen of crushed ice. Add lime wedge.



Hi, I'm Madelynne Ellis, Full Time Writer, Evil Goth Sorceress, Stoker of the Stove of Screaming Souls, Tender of the Bone Orchard, the Opaline Incantatrix, Fantoccini Chef, Haunter of the Dark Supermarket, Freelance Crypto-zoologist, Word-Bitch In Resident at Hobbs End Lunatic Asylum, ship's mum and harlot.

Favorite author: JRR Tolkien

Passions other than writing and sex? Theatrical make-up, dressing up in silly costumes, scaring people.

Favourite drink: Port, Goblin Cider, Cognac. Not necessarily in that order.

Major character flaw: Stubborn.

Favorite quotation: "If music be the food of love . . . Prepare for indigestion." -
Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich.

Favorite colour: Triad black

Favourite vicarious pastime: Flirting

Would like to play seduction games with: Gackt, Jonathan Rhys Meyers & Lord Wraxall. And yes, together would be fine.

Secret for overcoming writer's block: A four hour bubble bath.


Favorite author: I’m a voracious reader. Always have been. There are a slew of authors I faithfully read as their new books come out. Alice Munro, though she’s said she might stop writing now because her grandma once said to her, ‘Why make more misery?’ She dedicated one of her books like so: ‘To the careful reader.’ I like that very much. I recently discovered Sarah Dunant’s In the Company of the Courtesan and have been devouring her books as quickly as I can find them. In the erotica department I think I’ve read something by every member of Lustbites, at least a short story. The work is as varied as the individuals who make up our blog, but I’ve honestly enjoyed all of it.

I’ll miss Susie Bright’s Best of American Erotica anthologies, especially since I haven’t been in one. I love Alison Tyler’s “ABC” series, Cleis Press, and I will be in L is for Leather.

Favorite movie: When Apocalypse Now ended I fell to my knees in the theatre. That movie knocked me out! I enjoyed the recent expanded version. Fight Club, Adaptation, Notes On A Scandal, Elizabeth. The list is huge. I write TV and film scripts so I watch a lot of movies and a fair bit of TV and sometimes, I admit, I can get pretty excited about a nice long TV night featuring Bones, CSI Vegas, Law and Order CI, Weeds, The L Word . . .

Favorite food: A true prairie girl like me can’t get by without red meat, though I’ve tried from time to time. I like a great steak, crazy about my own beef stew, and lately, the mere mention of a Kelsey’s burger with cracked peppercorns and basil mayo makes my mouth water. I like gravy, a lot. But for a real dining out experience, oh give me Thai food! Glass noodles, papaya salad, chicken curry with coconut milk, salad rolls, and for dessert, fried bananas with coconut ice cream. Cob coon mac mac, ca!

Religion: Deist. There’s something out there, just don’t ask me what it is and do not attempt to tell me what it is, either.

Things that make me hot: Anticipation (for a few hours only, not for a few days.) Lingerie. A firm hand and a soft voice. Words, baby, lots of words, crooned in a low, rumbling male baritone. When I’m hot I get wet, and that makes me hotter, which makes me wetter…and so on. I love the way that works.

Would like to fuck: In my dreams, Vincent D’onofrio and Dennis Quaid. In real life I’m happier than I’ve ever been since Felix Baron became my lover.

Passions other than writing and sex? I lived in Thailand for 2 years when I was 14 – 16 years old, and I continue to be interested in all things Thai, especially the food, and thick, straight, black hair.

I enjoy great conversation – and I get lots of that at Lust Bites. I’m passionate about my beautiful daughters and their education.

I guess I’m pretty nuts about my huge chocolate Siamese cat, Leo. He’s incredibly affectionate, talks a lot, and loves getting presents. He knows if I’m sick or sad, and comforts me in his kitty cat way. In fact, I believe that cats are proof that there is a God, as they are such a perfect pet (they even make a pleasant rumbling sound when you stroke them, for gawd’s sake) I find it hard to believe they weren’t crafted by the Master.

Drink: Schweppe’s diet ginger ale.

Major character flaw: Moi? I have been known to lose my temper – suddenly, explosively, very verbally. I have an addictive personality so almost everything I enjoy becomes a problem, sooner or later, (see above, favourite drink, diet ginger ale, sigh.) Some exceptions to that rule are sex, writing and music.

Favorite quotation: ‘A man climbs a mountain and they call him a hero. I climb mountains that aren’t even there!’ Francis Ford Coppola

Philosophy: If you don’t like me, don’t be around me. Also, if I’m not doing it with a glad heart, then I’m not doing it at all.

Favorite sex toy: I can’t tell you my favourite sex toy. All the other sex toys might get jealous.

Secret for overcoming writer’s block: Nothing overcomes writer’s block like a good deadline. If I don’t have one and can’t make myself respect my own, I just get Felix to give me a deadline. That works.

Drink: Stella Artois
    • open bottle or can

    • pour into glass

    • drink

    • alternatively may be drunk from bottle or can

Bio: My name's Portia Da Costa [sometimes] and I live in a small town in West Yorkshire with my husband and three cats. I write mainly contemporary erotic romance, with occasional forays into paranormal. I'd love to try writing a hot historical some day, or maybe an urban fantasy, but I probably don't have sufficient plotting skills for either.

Favourite authors: Thomas Harris and Ian Fleming. Cyrian Amberlake for erotica. Currently reading Lord of Scoundrels by Loretta Chase, and just finished Claiming the Courtesan by Anna Campbell - both excellent.
Favourite fantasy heroes of the moment: Robert Goren, Professor Charles Eppes and Special Agent Don Eppes, Eisenheim the Illusionist, Captain Jack Sparrow

Favourite pastime: watching the telly
Favourite foods: fish and chips, chocolate, cake

Favourite drinks: tea, coffee, apple juice, lager
Major character flaw: all of them.

Love, WendyPortia

So that's some of us . . . have a drink (or two, or six) and tell us who you are.


kristina lloyd said...

*spills drink*

Hey, Anne. Is this what you mean by 'horse toys'?

Well, it's marvellous to meet you all properly at last. There's a lot of sex, death and cats about the place, isn't there? Who's going to tidy up afterwards?

Anonymous said...


I seem to have been too drunk to even introduce myself at this party.


Gosh, Kristina - how did you fit that in your handbag?

Anne Tourney said...

*expels drink through nostrils*

Wow. Now I know what Santa's going to bring me for Christmas, Kristina . . . .

Holy crap. An equine speculum?

I didn't even know there were equine GYNs.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Okay, though you all know how very, very shy I am, I'll make my contribution to the overcoat orgy on the king size waterbed and be the first non-Lustie to help himself to a drink and a handful of cashews.

"Gentle" Jeremy Edwards here . . . aka "that peculiar man who's always hanging around." Erotic elf, at your service, author of raunchy yet possibly romantic stories (and WIP erotic novel). Outside the "genre," my writing (under another name) runs to things humorous; I've also acquired a smidgen of trivial notoriety as a songwriter.

Atheist and political progressive.

My favorite drink at the moment is the "Shamless Plug," by which I mean the entire array of cocktails soon to be served up by Shanna in her Screaming Orgasms and Sex on the Beach anthology (Pretty Things Press). Since my drink in that book is a Beau Nouveau, the recipe is a very simple one and chiefly involves getting your ass to a wine shop.

As for wanting to fuck people, that's a yes. That is, I'm monogamous in real life—but I make no such claim regarding my fantasy life. In fact, since this party is a fantasy in itself, I may try to lure Lust Bites Monster Woman upstairs. (Is there an upstairs?)

I get turned on by witty women; erotically-self-aware women; sparkly eyes; cute, sleek outfits; and saucy bottoms. It's also rumored (among my readers) that I have a thing about women peeing. Can you imagine!

Anne Tourney said...

Thanks, Jeremy -- I've always wanted to know your sordid secrets. Congratulations on your latest story, and I did suspect the peeing fetish. I just didn't want to say anything about it.

Yes, there is an upstairs at this establishment, and it's only $10 to rent a room! I hope your tryst with Lust Bites Monster Woman is a passionate and fruitful one :).

Anne Tourney said...

I have to apologize to all my guests -- if some of the introductions come in late, it's my fault, not the authors'. Please come back if you don't see or your favorite Lustie's intro (or your own) here; I will hopefully have everyone up before we're all too toasted.

Jeremy Edwards said...

$10! For that kind of money, I could shag on a commuter train.

However, since I know the money will go to your erotic library fund . . . here's $20 (in case LBMW decides she wants her own room).

angell said...

Hey Lusties!!

Thanks for the invite to the party. I've saved money for the cab ride home.


I will read ANYTHING you put in front of me - and as cliche as it sounds, I've been known to read ceral boxes if nothing else is available. I've been writing since I was old enough to string sentences together. Short stories, poetry, song lyrics, screenplays, name it, I've written it. I write reviews and recaps for an online website called I've been writing erotic fiction for about ten years now. In all these forms, I have never had anything published. Hopefully, that will change soon.

Favourite Author: Too many to count.

Favourite Movie: Casablanca - they don't make men like Bogey anymore.....

Religion: Raised Catholic, but still searching...

Things that make me wet: Intelligence. Expressive eyes. Nice biceps. Great smiles. Wit. Deep, long kisses that make you feel like you’re blissfully drowning ( borrowed from the lovely Anne Tourney because it's deadly accurate and just true). Gorgeous singing voices. Maroon Five. Dirty words (on paper or whispered to me in delicious tones). Kisses on the nape of my neck. And a few more things, but I'm at work and if I get any more turned on I'm going to have a problem - so I'll add to that later.

Would like to fuck: Anyone but my husband (sigh- sounds awful I know). And there's just too many to list. But the top five: Elvis (in 56), Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Gwen Stefani, and Lawrence Gowan (and yes Dayle, that is in no particular order). Other than that, the word NOW comes to mind.

Passions other than writing or sex: Styx, eating good food, reading, music, singing, theatre, dancing, chocolate, MEN, meeting new people

Drink: Senor Cuervo Gold, naked

Philosophy of Life: It's too damn short to play by the rules

Major Character flaw: I love men. One just isn't enough for this gal - but I got married anyway.

Favourite sex toy: ones that don't expect me to make them breakfast

Secret for overcoming writers block: wish I had one - I wouldn't be suffering from it right now.

*shoots one back* Bartender...can I get a refill?

Kate Pearce said...

Well-I didn't realize there were so many alternative religions in Lust Bites1 so cool-we should have a combo place of worship.

Very cool to meet you all-again!

Anne Tourney said...

You can definitely have another shot of Cuervo, Angell; in fact, this one's on the house. I can sympathize with your domestic situation ("anyone but my husband"), having been there myself. Some of us weren't meant to be with only one mate. Could I introduce you to the intriguing musician-type sitting at that corner table by himself? He looks like he'd be up for a discrete afternoon quickie, and as I told Jeremy, rooms are only $10 upstairs . . .

Something tells me your publication status will change soon, with all that work under your belt :). Don't give up!

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

Actually my first thought for horse toys was

I can't decide if that's more or less scary than the gigantic speculum of doom, given the context...I think they're both rather alarming in different ways.

Anne Tourney said...

Thanks for the donation to our ever-expanding erotic library, Jeremy; I'll just tuck that extra $10 in my cleavage. And by the way, since you've now seen my cleavage, I hope you'll consider giving me a bigger tip.

Jeremy Edwards said...

And by the way, since you've now seen my cleavage, I hope you'll consider giving me a bigger tip.

It's growing by the minute.

Actually, if it's $10 for a room, I wonder how much you'd charge us to do it right down here, in front of everyone. (I probably couldn't afford it.)

Anonymous said...

Hold that thought, J - I'll organise a whip round!

(And right after that I'll try and scrape some money together to pay for your floorshow!)

Anne Tourney said...

Well, if you do it down here, we could throw in an extra round for you and LBMW, Jeremy.

(Mat, did you send me an intro? I can't find it!! I suck!)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I suck, I didn't write one. Am I the only one? I'm sorry. But, hey, I need no introduction!

Oh, okay then...

My name is Mathilde Madden - you can call me Mat or Tilly. I just wrote a whole bunch of books about werewolves (3 novels and 2 novellas in a year).

Drink: Gin and Tonics
Religion: Unfaithful
Quote: "Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once! Everybody lives!!"

Madeline Moore said...

Yikes! I got the time wrong, then I couldn't find a taxi so I had to walk part of the way, but here I am!

(Shakes snow off stiletto boots, adjusts holiday-scarlet bustier to expose more of her impressive cleavage)

No canapes, thank you Anne. This boning is already cutting into my ribs. Just the way I like it!

Just gingerale, thanks, diet if you have it. Oh! And I'll take a puff of that pipe - thank you, maybe two puffs? - Ahhhhhh.

What, only one man? Jeez. Good thing I'm bi-curious. I'm a little worried about Jeremy and LBMW. Whose vagina does she have, anyway?
I felt my lips tingling on the way here so I suspect Jeremy has been stealing kisses. Are kisses free?

It's so good to be together to kick off the holidays! Another puff and I'm ready to tango - or play 'Pin the penis on the Castrada' I could hear him hitting high C from a block away!

Jeremy Edwards said...

I'm a little worried about Jeremy and LBMW. Whose vagina does she have, anyway?

I was wondering that, too . . . but there are some questions you just don't ask en route to the bedroom.

But I do hope someone kept track. I would hate to have to suggest a taste test. Or maybe "hate" isn't the right word. (Sorry—I'm on my third glass of make-believe Beaujolais, and it sounds like my palate needs cleansing.)

Felix said...

Hi Lusties!

What a heady mix you make. While you're mixing, I'll take either a single malt, straight up, or an 'Up Your Kilt' - which is equal parts Scotch and Glayva.

Food? Like Madeline, steak; unlike Madeline, MY beef stew, and almost anything that comes out of the sea.

Yes, she's a gravy nut. The closest we've ever come to arguing was about gravy - so I learned to make it her way.

Favourite authors? Anthony Burgess, Muriel Spark, Mervyn Peake, and another forty or so, so I'll stop there.

Movies? Casablanca, of course, plus The Princess Bride, Sleuth, Rififi and The Wages of Fear.

Music? Anything sung by Eartha Kitt or Yma Sumac. Borodin. Louis Belson on drums.

Turn ons? My sweet Madeline, of course. Cleavage is always good, from above or from the side. Breasts in general, large and small. Rounded bums that sway. Legs. Midriffs. Wet full lips. Long sinuous tongues. When Madeline and I are tossing ideas about, and she says something witty/ditzy and it sparks a shared creative frenzy.

To fuck? Preferably in tandem with Madeline, J-Lo, Halle Berry.

Religion? Devout militant Atheist, thank God!

Philosophy? The Universe owes me nothing, and vice versa.

My flaws? Beyond counting

Sex toy? Madeline - and the nice little cat-o-nine tails that I crafted with my own uncrafty hands.

As for writers' block - I can never understand that. Plumbers don't get plumbers' block. Surgeons don't get surgeons' block. It's a job, that I love, but I just do it. Which composer was it who said, 'At nine in the morning I sit down at my piano. My muse knows to be prompt?' Whoever it was, I'm with him.

Madeline Moore said...

Well Jeremy, whoever's vagina it is will have the pleasure of saying, 'Piss on You, Jeremy!' (And Merry Christmas.)

Wait a minute, if that's my mouth it's ME who'll be saying it. Fondly, of course.

Hello Felix...we're talking about Lust Bites Monster Woman and Jeremy, so those words aren't coming out of *my* mouth, they're coming out of LBMW's mouth.

Hey, Jeremy, stop trying to get her drunk! She may seem sturdy but she's a delicate thing. And put away that equine speculum. Are you mad?!

Olivia Knight said...

"Dahlings, Hellooo, so sorry I'm late, twenty other parties to go to, you know how it is," she said, swanning in as if an imaginary cape swept through the air behind her, blowing air kisses.

I left out a character flaw - strutting as though I'm doing the ground a favour by walking on it. But that's actually because my ipod's playing something so magnicently filmic and scoric that I'm not actually walking on this planet at all.

~ makes dramatic gesture and tosses content of her drink over herself ~

Damn. There goes my kudos. Why does this always happen?

Unlike Felix, my muse is not always prompt; she's not a morning person... but coffee can lure her in, and failing that - like the lady said, it's five o'clock somewhere. Does that bottle have any red wine left in it? Excellent. Slosh, slish, slosh, spill... Damn. This is the "wet look" little black dress.

Madeline Moore said...

I do so love your little black wet dress, O...

By the way, is it crass to promo ourselves at a party? Really, I'm promoing Alison Tyler's series. In particular, the upcoming 'L is for Leather.' Particularly 'Little Black Dress' in 'L is for Leather.'

In fact, I own the dress described in the story, and I'm going to grab my LV travel trunk and change behind that curtain. *oops, 'scuze me ladies'. Okay then, behind that door. kiss kiss

Olivia Knight said...

Madeline - so modest! I'm standing around in my knickers while said little black dress is drying on the radiators in the bathroom. Self-promotion at parties is just vile, though - in fact, I have a book out saying exactly that at the moment - here, take my card, it has all the details right there - hold on a sec, let me just scribble the ISBN on the back, in case the shop needs to order it...

Deanna Ashford said...

Well I've tried all the drinks now, so can anyone tell me of a decent hangover cure because I think I'm going to need one!

Ally said...

Was wonderful getting to know many of you more, I almost feel like I've been intimate, or was that just Jeremys suggestions.

I am Ally Robertson of Vancouver British Columbia Canada. I am creative in most ways. I'm a wild mountain woman at heart, my hiking boots are my favorite footwear. I am a digital photography nut, who rarely walks out my door with out my camera. I write erotic romance so far and smut poetry, but am hibernating with the bears until spring.

Favorite Author... Jean M Auel

Religion... I refuse to follow and organized religion. I am very spiritual with my own set of beliefs.

Politics... I admit it's in my nature to be an anachists, but I do vote.

Turn ons... Dirty men, muscles and sweat. Long hair and tattoos.

Would like to fuck... The hero I wrote about in my 1st novel, in fact I'd do *almost* anything for that.

Passions other than sex... Bragging that I am an amazing cook is my only true vanity, camping, photography and art.

Character flaws... What some may see as flaws, I see as my own uniqueness.

Favorite Quote...
The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.
By Leonard Cohen

Anne Tourney said...

Yeay! I'm so glad you're all here -- looks like the lewd behavior is in full swing, along with the crass self-promotion. Which reminds me, I'd like to promote my cleavage again, but I just spilled a bottle of Jagermeister down my front. Nothing like a pair of sticky green boobs and a horse speculum to get a party rolling! At least that's what my dear, departed grandmother used to say.

Jeremy Edwards said...

If you promote your cleavage, what job will it get? (And, more important, what benefits?) In any event, I'm sure your cleavage has performed well and deserves it.

Now, let's see . . . I'm figuring your ass could then move up and get the cleavage's job. (On the other hand, that would entail changing your quote of the month, as your legs would no longer lead straight there.)

[I realize I've commented a lot today. Hey, it's a party, right? And didn't one of you say she liked excess?]

Madeline Moore said...

Jeremy, Dahling, we all love excess.
O, I love your little black wet knickers look, too. Do you like my dress? You can read all about it in...some book I'm in in the new year...I'm foggy on the details, now.
But anyway, it's a great dress.

Anne, I think I love you, and I love your grandma, too. So many old wive's tales disappear when they wou8ld be so useful to us were they extant. Ie. Never go out without a quarter in your pocket and a speculum in your purse.
How many bad experiences I might not have had had I had that bit of wisdom in my aresenol. And how many lame parties might I have spiced up with green tits and a horse speculum. Oh well, better late than never.

Where did Felix disappear to? Or do I not want to know?

Ally, so good of you to come. Why are you hibernating till spring?
You live in Vancouver, where there is no winter...right?

Anne Tourney said...

Oh, Madeline, I love you, too (looks like we're getting to THAT stage of the party, just before we all start throwing furniture at each other) :). Ah, the good old days.

I'm not sure where Felix went, but I think I saw him doing the tango with LBMW. Being one of the only two males at this event, he's going to be in great demand as a dance partner -- to say the least. When he comes back, please tell him I hope he'll visit us again; his answers were fascinating.

And Ally, it's good to see you, too! I've missed you.

Jeremy, that's an interesting suggestion about my ass, but I don't want to confuse the poor thing. After all, I just figured out where it's located (see my quote of the month).

Kate Pearce said...


do you know...I love y'all, you do know that, right Hic! (grabs nearest living person and leans heavily on them)'cos you're all fabulous and fantastic and fucking adorable that's why, particularly anyone who is in L IS FOR LEATHER and I'll fight anyone who says different, okay, alright? Hic!
Kate topples over onto the couch, and not in a graceful way either

Janine Ashbless said...

Hi guys - partying at you from Oslo, Norway ... which is a considerable sacrifice because a drink here will cost you 100Kr = £10 = $20. Nothing for it these long dark nights but to crawl under a duvet with some Norse nookie and drink to the return of summer!

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

It's five o'clock here in southern California, and although I'm not yet done with work, I'm sneaking out and having a drink with you all anyway. (I can write with a buzz, can't I?!)

Thank you, Anne, this champagne is marvelous! ::kisses:::

What I want to know is, why are people sneaking off upstairs? What's wrong with that sofa right over there?

Jeremy Edwards said...

$20! For thasshorta money, I could shaggona commutertrain . . . twishe!

Madeline Moore said...

As MY Grandma used to say, 'I love every one of you little buggars, so how about that?

'Cause 'All you need is love, do doo do de doo, all you need is lo - ove, love is all you need. Everybody!
All you need is love...lovey dovey dove...all you needs is loves, loves, loveshall ya need!'' Whoops! 'Scuze me. I'll settle here on this couch and people watch...

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

We'll be sure to put on a good show for you, Madeline.

But is there any champagne left?

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

::dances over to Teresa, refills her champagne glass::

They don't call me the Champagne Fairy at parties for nothing!

Just Craig said...

Here I am, fashionably late. Strange, as I’ve never been accused of being fashionable in any way.

Craig Sorensen, I hail from south central Pennsylvania where I am a professional computer geek/manager by day and an author by night, or more properly, early morning. Though I live in Pennsylvania now, I’ve lived across the US and was stationed for two years at a Military Intelligence (contradiction in terms?) in West Germany, back when it was “West” Germany. My passions include music, good food, both cooking and eating it (but I lay no claims to being a gourmet,) ancient history, photography and poetry, writing blog replies that are far too long, among others. While I am a prolific writer (I’ve finished three books, four or five novellas and countless stories in the last three years) I’m not a voracious reader. I don’t read a great deal of fiction, mostly non-fiction, when I do read.

Favorite drink: Probably boring, but I have to say any good beer. Paulaner Pils, Spaten Octoberfest, Dortmunder Union, Sam Adams Lager.

Favorite author: Hard to choose, but I’ll say John Steinbeck

Character Flaw: Yes, please! You call them flaws. I call them “just character.”

Politics: No, thanks.

Religion: Disorganized (unorganized?)

I have a business trip to New Jersey tomorrow, so I shouldn’t be here, imbibing to excess. Aw, what the hell. It’s just some vendor trying to sell us new software. Pass me another brew!

By the way, I love that quote, Ally.

Madeline Moore said...

Any fan of Leonard Cohen is a fan of mine, justcraig. Er - that is - you know what I mean. I love Leonard Cohen, and I know he loves me too,
because I listened to Marianne all night one night and near the end of the evening I know he was singing'Madeline' and now you all can sing, 'So long Madeline' 'cause I'm going to take a little snooze right here on this sofa, so's you can just wake me up when then breakfast portion of this party starts. Coffee, sizzling bacon, pancakes with real maple syrup (which is in my purse, fresh from Canada) and lots of orange juice.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Pssst, Madeline's asleep! Let's do something naughty to her!

Kate Pearce said...

...anyone got a sharpie?

pen, people, pen, before anyone gets any other ideas :)

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

::snickers drunkenly, carefully but messily scrawls "Spank Me" on Madeline's backside::

Lust Bites Monster Woman said...

Cute ass, but shift it will you, honey? I heard a third guy showed up. Now, c'mon. Outta my way.

Just Craig said...

Coffee is brewing, bacon's sizzling, mixing the batter for the pancakes.

Madeline, whip out that... um... syrup. Hey, what is that written on your backside?

Nikki Magennis said...

Did I miss a party? Damn. Looks like you all had so much fun.

I have a wee hipflask here if anyone fancies Irish coffee, hair of the dog, joining me on the slippery slope...

Just Craig said...

holds out coffee cup

I'll take a nip, Nikki. It'll make my boring New Jersey trip go down that much easier.

Care for a pancake?

Lust Bites Monster Woman said...

Craig, did you just say "go down"?

Cos I'm here for ya, baby!

Just Craig said...

Ooh. I need a shower before I hit the road, Monster Woman!

Let's go!

Lust Bites Monster Woman said...

Golden? Or am I getting you mixed up with the guy in the Fedora?

Olivia Knight said...

Mmmmf. Mmble shmemutter. Not morning person. I'm going to sit on the balcony cradling my coffee for a bit. Then I'll fry up sausages, bacon, eggs, mushroom, tomatoes, onions, hash browns, and black pudding, make some toast, and heat some baked beans. I may have the heart and body of a frail woman, but I have the stomach of a concrete elephant.
Champagne and orange juice, anyone?

Madeline Moore said...

Streeetch. Mmmmm I smell coffee.
*Wriggles* Ouch. My bum is sore. Is it Christmas already.
*twists around to inspect* IS Christmas! And my wish came true! Santa tattoed 'Spank me' on my ass. Oh, wait *pouts* it's not permanent. Oh well, seems to have done the job. Coffee please!

Madeline Moore said...

And I'll have a taste of everything you mentioned, O. Even the black pudding - whatever that is.

Jeremy Edwards said...

[Opens eyes.]

Ooh, I had the nicest dream . . . I was in an impossibly wonderful gelato shop, and I got to have a lick of everything.

Say . . . that's funny. I could've sworn I had $20 in my fedora.

Felix said...

(Felix's face emerges from under a mountain of discarded clothing that includes a couple of coats.)

Do I smell kippers? Anne, am I too late for a tangled tango?

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Ha, so I miss a day and you guys decide to have a party. Well hope I can still get in on the tail end, so to speak. Between hewing wood and shovelling snow, life is rough out here in the colonies. We almost don't always have time for “tea time” at 5:00 like you Brits.

Aside from my daily occupations (I work with computers a lot) I'm a student of “culture”. Culture Studies is my favourite section in the bookstore. And “Pages” is my favourite bookstore (probably named after Betty Page). Madeleine may have been there. Remember that song, Mr Bojangles. The narrator talks about meeting Mr. Bojangles in jail while the author “weren't there on no research project”. Well, much as I enjoy all your companies, I admit I am here on a research project. Damn it, my whole life is a research project.

Like most of you, I'm sex positive. On questionaires, I always like to fill in “Yes” on the question of Sex: ___. Funny, those questionaires never seem to have a question like that for spanking. And, like Jeremy I do try to be funny. Only I think he tries harder. And is funnier.

Intoxicants: I'd like to know which of you neo-pagans is going to whip me up a dose of Ayauhuasca -- you know the stuff from the amazon jungle in which the active ingredient is Dimethyl Tryptophane.

Authors: As you all know, I'm a big fan of the girl who Jeremy refers to as “the Marcel Proust of contemporary erotic memoir”. Otherwise my tastes run to the likes of Laurens van der Post, Tor Norretranders (The User Illusion), Philip K Dick, Terrence McKenna, and Selma Lagerlof.

angell said...

*stretching and yawning*

Morning all...ummm...I smell breakfast...and did someone mention champagne?

*trips over Felix and falls into clothing*

Say - there's my bra, but why is there $20 tucked into the padding?

Anne Tourney said...

Good lord, are we still here?


I must have passed out at around 4:00, which isn't too bad, considering I opened the bar at 4:00 a.m. yesterday.

I guess it's time for my four-point post-party check to see if I had a good time. Did I:

- Wake up naked? check
- Wake up next to another naked person I've never met before? check
- Wake up in the back of a pickup truck? Nope, not this time.
- Wake up with a foreign object sticking out of one of my orifices? Not telling, but three out of four ain't bad!

Madeline Moore said...

Fe;ix! There you are. Lookit me!
*shakes her booty* Eeeek!
Madeline runs up the stairs (but not too fast) with Felix right behind her.
We'll be back for breakfast!

Felix said...

We'll be back, but Madeline will eat hers standing!

Kate Pearce said...


dear god...

Ally said...

Ally grumbles and stretches... Oh man. Woke up beside Jack Daniels again who only managed to fuck with my brain cells. Holds out coffee mug to Nikki, nice to see you gal, I'll have a wee bit O that hair of the dawwwwg.

Good morning people... er... um good afternoon I mean. 2pm and just crawling outta bed... wasn't that a party! Not too often I stay up to watch the sun rise at 7am. Oh theres no sun anyways the clouds won't fuck off already.

Oh theres your answer Madeline, it is too mild here to get much snow, but with the winter comes cloud cover and a day of sun is rare. The weather is too mild also for the bears to hibernate so one must be wary on the trails when hiking and seal their garbage containers tight. But that sun does hibernate and the pretty flowers too, thus so do I. It is a natural turn of the season, for the earth and for myself, but don't fret spring will spring here in 2 months, and when it does you'll get sick of me because then I won't shut up. NaNa.

Wow Jeremy that is so weird, I had the same dream almost, except I dreamed I was in a gelato shop being licked by all the customers, but the smell of Canadian Bacon and Kippers woke me up. Sniffs the air, oh wow I smell kippers! At least I hope thats kippers I smell. HeHe. Me Da was a Newf, can't live with an eastcoaster and not have your mouth water for kippers yeno.

Oh my head feels like a football. Hugs Anne, 'Thanks, um, but what's that sticking out of yer arse?' I love horses too, but not quite that much.

Looks in mirror. Shit! sees reflection, forehead reads...
"Leonard Cohen was here"

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