Wednesday, February 20, 2008

In the Future, All Men Will Be Hotter

Dayle: So Teresa and I were chatting one day, and we realized that most of our media crushes involved science fiction (well, for me, that’s along with musicians). The more we talked about it, the more people we came up with. Will it really be true, we wondered, that in the future all men will be hotter?

Is it the ray guns? The form-fitting futuristic material? The phallic-shaped rocket ships?

Teresa: I think it’s because so many of the hot men of science fiction are intriguing rebels—whether literally, like Han Solo or Firefly’s sexy, brown-coated buckers of authority, or the Captain-Kirk types who are willing to flout the rules to do the right thing (or to help them get into the cute green-skinned chick’s miniskirt).

Though the outfits do help.

Dayle: We also realized that while we agreed on some of our future men, we were clearly divided on many of them…which led to the realization that even in the future, we’d still fall for the same type we each do today.

Although I was young enough when the original Star Wars came out that I was all about Luke, by the time The Empire Strikes Back hit, I’d firmly landed on the side of bad boys. Oh, give me Han Solo’s cheeky grin, his never-ending supply of witty rejoinders, his questionable moral turpitude. (Teresa adds: You can’t have all of Han Solo. You must share with your sister in erotica-writing!)

I tumbled right from there into the arms of Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica series. (Not literally, but certainly in my adolescent fantasies, because I wrote appallingly bad Mary Sue fan fiction about him.) Was it his tight pants? The wicked twinkle in his eye? His willingness to fall into bed with just about any woman? His ever-present, phallic-shaped cigar?

Star Trek was brimming with eligible hotties, no matter which version of the show you’re talking about. Keeping in line with my preferences, let’s talk about good ol’ Trip from Enterprise. Oh, that Southern accent. Oh, that nearly naked body. Come to think of it, he and Cap’n Tightpants (okay, okay, Captain Mal Reynolds) of Firefly were cut from the same mold, weren’t they?

Then there’s the most recent incarnation of Doctor Who, played with manic cheekiness by David Tennant. He just needs someone who’ll match him wit for wit, and I’d like to think I’m up to the task. Hey, you smart, cute bad boy, come over here and gimme some. (This is where Teresa and I clearly diverge—and she’ll explain just why Christopher Eccleston dampens her panties instead.)

And what were these wicked lads doing if not preparing me for the ultimate future bad boy, Captain Jack Harkness? (S’cuse me while I fan myself.) Dimpled, nattily dressed, omnisexual and proud of it, Captain Jack fulfills just about anyone’s fantasy, doesn’t he?

Teresa: No argument on most of Dayle’s choices, especially Cap’n Tightpants and Captain Jack Harkness. [We pause while she drools quietly into her keyboard, considering some cross-over universe where they meet and pull off wild capers and then have hot man-sex.]

Then again, I’m hot for most of the men of Firefly. Brilliant, conflicted Simon, with his pretty white skin and his endearing shyness and his stubborn strength; big, dumb Jayne with his big guns, his big muscles, his big mouth, and his surprisingly big heart; and charmingly quirky Wash could have special places in my bed were they only real. (Well, maybe not Wash. Not unless Zoë wanted to play too, because otherwise she’d kill me.) Both Simon and Wash remind me of the eccentric “Is he a genius or a nutbar or both?” guys in my life, only larger than life and having a chance to show off how heroic and sexy geeks can be.

And Jayne? Well, my fantasies about him involve a ball gag, because I don’t cope well with stupid, but there’s something about the dangerous way he moves, and the way he plays with that knife of his… [Ponders whether one can be the dom while gagged.]

Babylon 5’s Captain Sheridan reminded me of my evil ex, from the red hair to the self-righteousness. But I found love among the aliens: Narn rebel leader and bad-boy mystic G’Kar. He’s slightly lizard-like, which is kinky even for me, but talk about an intriguing personality: rogue and saint, warrior and diplomat, part-time villain and part-time Christ figure. I like complicated.

And I bet he’d be fun in bed, despite the lizardy look. Or maybe because of it. Ponder the length and agility of the lizard tongue.

As for Doctor Who, I enjoy David Tennant’s Doctor. He’s adorable and funny, yet intense when he needs to be, and he looks like he belongs in a New Wave band. I can understand why Dayle’s hot for him. But he doesn’t get me in the groin.

Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor is the one who makes my panties pound. Maybe it’s the leather jacket, or the fact that he’s craggier and more worn around the edges. Or maybe it’s the darkness, the weight of time under his good humor. (Tennant’s Doctor shows that side too, but it’s harder to buy it with his boyish face.)

Or more to the erotic point: David Tennant’s Doctor would tie you and threaten you with Dire Things, and spank you a few times before you both cracked up, and you’d have a great time. Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor would tie you up and threaten you with Dire Things and you might wonder if he actually meant them, or if he’d ever untie you. And you’d have a different, scarier, and more interesting (to me) great time.

Dayle: [Who has dragged herself back from watching appropriate SF DVDs with her rocket-ship-shaped vibrator.] Come on, we know some of you are SF geeks at heart. Tell us who you want to meet in a dark spaceship corridor with an alien probe just for you…

And tune in next week when we follow up with Crush Wednesday: In the Future, All Women Will Be Hotter!


Portia Da Costa said...

Doctor Who? Ah, it's the 'lost' Doctor for me... Paul McGann of the tousled curls and natty Edwardian clobber. I fancied him so much I wrote an entire Black Lace book about him, THE STRANGER.

Now recognised by some DW fans as an unofficial spinoff novel, apparently... LOL

Olivia Knight said...

I consider us living proof that one can be an SF-freak and still maintain healthy adult relationships, with the emphasis strongly on "adult".

I fell in love with Luke Skywalker when I was five and I haven't looked back. Re the doctors - I'm either a shameless hussy or a TV marketing board's dream, because I transferred my affections from Christopher Ecclestone to David Tennant with only the mildest of hiccups. Or it could be, which I maintain, that I fancy the Doctor himself, not the actors that play him. I take pride in this distinction - after all, fancying the pants off someone you've never so much as been introduced to is just sycophantic and sad. Fancying someone who doesn't even exist is clearly the more well-adjusted option, according to the Olivia Knight school of mental health. (Lesson 2: Schizophrenia and how to harness it for financial gain)

Janine Ashbless said...

Good to know I'm not the only one with the hots for G'Kar! But I also adore Marcus Cole the ranger in that show.

Can't abide anyone in the Star Trek universe except Worf (okay, I'm a demi-human lovin' freak: so throw me to the Klingons). Kirk just makes me want to punch his lights out. Nor have I ever really fallen for any of the Doctors.

Star Wars? Qui-Gon Jinn .

Miscellaneous others: Tyr Anasazi (Andromeda); Ronon Dex (Stragate Atlantis); Avon (Blake's Seven); Mad Max.

Basically Sci-Fi is a pit of perversion and utterly rocks.

Janine Ashbless said...

BTW, according to Freema Agyeman in my TV pages this week, John Barrowman frequent wanders about the set of Torchwood naked, and everyone else has grown so used to it they don't bat an eyelid.

Madelynne Ellis said...

I with you on Avon, Janine.

Janine Ashbless said...

Would we both fit, Madelynne?

Madelynne Ellis said...

Hm, he'd probably slap us both and then make a truly scathing remark.

Olivia Knight said...

This reminds me, I haven't had a good Tardis fantasy in ages... There's something wonderfully guilt-free about an affair outside of chronological time. Late at night, the train-tracks sound almost exactly like the Tardis appearing. (I wonder if that's what they sampled for the sound effect?)

Deanna Ashford said...

I just love sci-fi, that is what I started out writing before I was led in an entirely different direction.

The Doctor- it has got to be the latest incarnation. According to John Barrowman David's nickname is 'Ten Inch' - which makes me like him even more.

As to Mal, I've met his alter ego Nathan Fillion and he is a hottie! When we first chatted he called me ma'am in his smooth southern accent and that made my knees grow very weak and a few other things happen as well!.

Captain Jack's alter ego JB was really nice too when I had a brief chat to him the other day.He's very charming and I so wish he wasn't gay.(Bi would be better) But the guy isn't for turning - his other half (Scott)is very good-looking.

So JB walks around naked on set - maybe we could arrange a special Lustbites Torchwood set visit then? How about it ladies?

Red Garnier said...

I thought Dr. McDreamy is sigh sigh and I still sigh for him anyway, LOL! BUT I haven't watched THAT much sci-fi now knowing there are so many hunks around, I will for sure. :)

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

Janine, I quite liked Marcus too, but he bears just enough resemblence to someone I consider a younger brother that it was odd. (You're allowed to fancy my "kid brother." I'm not.)

Qui-Gonn. Ah, Qui-Gonn. How could we have forgotten him, Dayle?

And I think a Torchwood set visit sounds like a plan. I probably couldn't go, but you'd tell all, right, ladies?

Jeremy Edwards said...

natty Edwardian clobber

I love it when you talk dirty, Portia.

Janine Ashbless said...

You're not allowed to fancy Marcus Cole, Teresa? That is tragic.

On the other hand you could always ship your "younger brother" over to me. Don't expect him back in mint condition, mind.

*Janine is supposed to be correcting proofs, not surfing for Sci-Fi pictures*

Lillian Feisty said...

I was one of those who fell for Luke first. Hey, what can I say? I was eight. Han came around just in time for me to seriously lust after. Nearly thirty years later, I still do.

Today, my kid can't get enough Star Wars. Mommy can't take enough showers by herself.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Qui-Gon, and how could we forget him? Well, I pretty much pretend that those films don't exist (still haven't seen the third one, although someday I swear I will), not in small part because they killed off Qui-Gon!

But, yes, Qui-Gon. My husband looks a lot like Liam Neeson, so he made the outfit (did I mention my husband is, among other things, a costumer?) and pulled his hair back that way and won Best Hall Costume at Eastercon in Glasgow. And two women with bondage dolls of Qui-Gon and young Obi-Wan tried to kidnap him, but I stood firm. My Qui-Gon!

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Oh, and as for visiting the Torchwood set...why, oh why did they decide to film this after I moved back to the US? I've been on the website that lists all the places they film, and it's not fair that they've filmed on the Newport High Street when I used to be there about once a week!

::kicks something, sulks in the corner::

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Lillian! It sounds like we share a brain!

Kate Pearce said...

It was always Han Solo for me-he was just so cheeky, so bad!

Tom Baker was my favorite Doctor Who-which shows how old I am and I also loved Avon from Blake's Seven, that sneer, those cutting remarks.

Star Trek-now there was Spock and then there was my girl crush of Captain Janeway and her trusty sidekick Commander Chakotay-yum and double yum. I also seem to remember Trip taking his clothes off and being suitably impressed by his um muscles...

ah, off to do some picture research now...

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

My goodness, Portia, Paul McGann is tasty, at least in those clothes.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

I did try to find the naked Trip picture for this post, but all the ones I could find had naked T'Pol blocking most of him. And Future Women is next week!

tracyg said...

jean Luc Picard
Malcolm Reynolds

How could you forget Harrison Ford in Blade Runner? Or Bruce Willis in 5th Element... YUM!

Madeline Moore said...

I'm more fiction than science fiction...but...I guess it's gotta be Hans Solo/the guy in Blade Runner.
Say, both those fellows are played by the same actor. I love Harrison Ford
for his wise cracking wit and his scars and the fact that he was a carpenter before he was an actor. I'm fond of Neo in The Matrix too - gotta love those Hawaiian cheekbones on Keanau, plus he gave each member of the crew on The Matrix a motorcycle. Oh and does Superman count? I thought Christopher Reeve was the perfect Superman. Interesting post! I think the Brits are much more intoDr.Who and spinoffs than we are on this side of the pond. Sorry.

Janine Ashbless said...

You're sulking, Dayle? When you have a husband who looks like Qui-Gon Jinn?!

Mr Ashbless only looks like Titus Pulo (from Rome). Poor me.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Picard, yes. Riker...a little too smug. Definitely on Christopher Reeve's Superman, even if he wasn't a bad boy.

And I'm only sulking about not living near Cardiff anymore. I'm never sulky about having the best husband in the universe! (Seriously. I had people asking if he had a brother this week.)

switchdiva said...

My real joke- while at Dragoncon a couple of years back, a random stranger asked me if I had a one night only fantasy involving science fiction.

I laughed, and said- for one night only? I want the entire cast of Firefly. Then I want the drugged, easy sexual slumber.

For about 3 days. :)

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

So here's a question: Why are future men so attractive??

Janine Ashbless said...

Because they are pirates, warriors, knights, ships' captains, outlaws and explorers. Not wage-slaves and desk-jockeys. In other words Future Men are Past Men, but without the appalling dental hygiene.

Michelle said...

Okay. I should note that I'm 26 now, so I was 8ish when Star Trek Next Gen was all the rage and just starting. I remember that very first 'planet actually is twin lover aliens' episode where space ships that looked like jellyfish tore out from under a space station and took off.

So I grew up with ST:TNG, and my adoration for the men went in order as I aged:

Wesley (Shut up.)

Ah, Patrick Stewart. I <3 him even now. I'd pay 9.50 to go into a theater and listen to him read a shopping list.

But with the end of ST:TNG, little interested me in the Star Trek world. Okay, Julian Bashir got me going. Oh, and Paris, in Voyager. Didn't you wanna be Belana Torres?

But other shows. Here's one no one mentioned: Earth 2. Remember that series that should NEVER HAVE BEEN CANCELLED? Alonzo. Tell me you didn't want him to fly your spaceship.

John Crichton, Farscape.
Anakin Skywalker (before he opened his mouth): Episode 2. (3 he was too angsty in).

So many to choose from. That's without even getting into movies or books.

And yes, Aunty T, it's little Michelle.

Anonymous said...

Mmm ... Farscape ... all that black leather...

angell said...

Never was super huge on the original Star Trek,and I could never make up my mind between Han and Luke.

I'm more into supernatural than space...BUT, can we say a big YUMM-O for Scott Bakula in either Quantum Leap or Enterprise?

And yes, yes Dayle's hubby does look like Qin-Gon - never thought about that until now hon. Always pictured him as a Val Venus...(wrasslin' fans know who I'm talking about).

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Angell, who says you can't have both Luke and Han?! :-)

Apparently Ken also looks like some wrestler named XXX or Triple X or something. He's gotten stopped on the street about that before!

Bernadette Gardner and Jennifer Colgan said...

OMG, excellent post!! The eye candy alone...and you've hit on all my sci-fi fantasies. of my favorites. Yes, men will be hotter in the future, that's why I can't wait to get there.

Carrie Lofty said...

I was forwarded this post by a friend who shares a mutual fascination with NuWho, both Tennant and Eccleston--just like the Han/Luke issue, there's no real need to choose! Thanks for such a fun post. And I agree that it's about past men in future situations.

My first tingling-feeling crush was Michael Biehn as Hicks in Aliens. Sure he played second fiddle to Ripley, all grunting hot Marine, but he had her back 100%. Later I saw Terminator and fell in love all over again with his portrayal of Reese. So can we add Hicks and Reese to the pantheon of hot sci-fi dudes?

Maybe one day folks will realize it's not all about geeky guys obsessing about space prostitutes (TM NewsRadio)--there's a huge group of gals out there who want more of Mal and Han and Mad Max and the Doctor...

Savanna Kougar said...

Oooh, such a scrumptious hunk post. I am drooling. It's Jean luc Picard in that dark alley, even better on the holo deck. God, he can ride horses too. And I'm a long-hair loving woman.
Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Arc.
Mad Max has his own heathen-surviving charm.
Ronan Dex is gorgeous! And how could I forgotten Commander Chokatay? All that quiet fierce sizzle, his Indian heritage -- ah, those were the viewing days.
Scott Bakula was delish in Quantum Leap and the new Star Trek.
But, hey I'm sticking with the Highlander, as my first love, Adrian Paul.
Why are future men hotter. No wimp factor, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it!