Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Sexy Gay Men

by Deanna Ashford

The full title of this post should really read “Why do women find gay men so sexy?” However, I must make it clear here that the title cannot be taken as a generalisation. There are some gay men that I don’t think any woman would find particularly sexy. For instance Julian Clary is one that comes to mind. He may be reasonably pretty, or he was in his youth, as well as sharp witted and amusing but as far as I am concerned in no way could I ever fancy him even if there were no other men left on this earth.

There are, however, many gay men who are most definitely sexy. The idea for this post first came to me when I was watching John Barrowman on the Friday Night Project. John is good looking, in a very masculine way, with a great physique and he is charm personified. Also he has a dangerously wild side to his personality that allows him to say the most outrageous things on TV and actually get away with it. He has charisma in bucket-loads and also the guy can sing. What more could a girl want apart from a gender reassignment of course.

Not only is John an undeniably sexy guy he also freely professes to really like women. And he is into boobs in a big way – one up for me here! Deep down don’t many of us believe that we might well be the one and only female to be able to tempt him away from guys and make him fall for us instead. I think some of John’s charm also stems from his heroic alter-ego Captain Jack Harkness who has been featured in ‘Doctor Who’ and is now the major character in the new series ‘Torchwood’. Jack is a man who claims to be omnisexual, or in John’s word he’ll shag anything that moves whether it be male female or alien. There are sexual undercurrents between him and the doctor, which I for one find fascinating. Who wouldn’t fall for Captain Jack after seeing him chained hand and foot in a prison cell at the end of the last Doctor Who series? (What is it about chains that can be so sexy? Are we all into bondage in a subliminal way, or is it the idea of just having a man chained and at our mercy.) For all you Buffy/Angel fans out there – James Marsters, aka Spike, is due to guest star in the first episode of the second series of Torchwood which is due on our screens after Christmas. He plays an omnisexual alien who becomes involved in some way with Captain Jack. Sparks are bound to fly and I am already wondering who does what to whom! Last but not least on Dr Who/Torchwood – a piece of trivia - I’ll never be able to look at David Tennant in the same light again after learning during the Friday Night Project from John that David’s nickname on set is ‘ten inch’

There are of course many other sexy gay men in all parts of show business and beyond. Take for instance George Michael, part of the floppy-haired twosome known as ‘Wham’. Teenage girls the world over mooned over the two cute young men, Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael and a thousand hearts were broken when they split up. However, George then evolved into the moody sexy singer who could move us with songs like Careless Whisper and albums like Faith. George was a sex god, women worshipped him but little did we know at the time that sexy George was actually gay and didn’t fancy us ladies at all. George of course was famously outed when he was arrested in a Beverly Hills public toilet in 1998 for engaging in a lewd act. Did that negative publicity hurt him? No it did not. Women still adore him and he is now a Megga Star with records sales in the region of 85 million.

Other gay singers and actors have great success, not only because they are great at what they do but also because their female fans find them sexy. For instance: - the chubby cheeked doctor from Grey’s Anatomy, T. R Knight; Rupert Everett, with his, oh so British accent, and his upper class manners on screen: the sweet Stephen Gately from Boyzone (a few broken hearts again after he was outed); and one of my favourite singers Will Young.

Some of the reality shows we have had lately have been quoted by some as being gayness personified. Personally I loved the reality show Any Dream Will Do because it was full of cute young men who could sing, act, dance and appeared to sweet and charming. It was hosted by Graham Norton, an often wickedly entertaining gay guy, who isn’t particularly sexy (That’s only my opinion. Not that Graham would care if I found him sexy or not.) While one of the judges was my most favourite gay guy in the world, John Barrowman. Of course there are most likely quite a few gay men in musical theatre, as there are in all aspects of show business, but most of the participants were heterosexual young men who had the talents and skills to be West End leading men. As it happens Lee Mead, who won the prize role of Joseph in the new Andrew Lloyd Webber production, is clearly a blue blooded heterosexual male with a great voice, phenomenal stage presence and a great body. I can attest to that first hand. He looks very sexy on stage wearing a small very revealing loin cloth. So please bring on more of these so called gay shows Aunty Beeb, I love them.

Even in books and in movies we appear to find male/male relationships interesting and undeniably sexy. As far as books are concerned erotic romance is now one of the fastest growing genres in the United States and many of these books contain male/male relationships, even if the males concerned often are bi-sexual rather than gay. There is something so fascinating about two men in bed together enjoying the pleasures of each others bodies.

Justin was arse-fucking the man who had made love to her last night, and Helen’s entire body tingled at that thought. Her head spun and she was filled with the pain of wanting as she watched the thrusting heap of male testosterone straining towards a mutual climax.

In 2005 a new genre of movie found a place in our society when Brokeback Mountain was released and went on to be both incredibly successful and honoured by all the critics. It was an Oscar winning drama that depicted the relationship between two young men at a time when homosexuality was not considered an acceptable practice in the small town American West. Brokeback Mountain was a beautiful love story played out against the background of cowboys herding sheep in Wyoming. These two young men, Ennis and Jack, live together in near isolation for many months and gradually become good friends. One night they share a tent and a rather hasty coupling ensues but soon that turns into a deep and enduring relationship, which continues on over the years but eventually is destined to end in tragedy. The two young men are played by movie sex symbols Jake Gillenhall and Heath Ledger both straight young men but that didn’t matter as they played their parts with a delicate sensitivity that is a joy to behold. More trivia here – during filming it was reported that Heath almost broke Jake’s nose in a kissing scene as the scene required violent passion. For me a broken nose would have been worth it for a passionate kiss from either young man!

Sarin began to stroke Tarn’s cock in a smooth seductive rhythm that aroused his senses. Lust flooded Tarn’s veins and for a brief moment he was able to stand back and view what was happening as though he was not involved. He saw two men, fuelled by a primeval passion, cocooned in a white, frozen wilderness far from signs of civilisation, and he knew he was trapped in this world of magic and mystery where light and dark intertwined..

It is easy to forget that relationships, which are now quite acceptable in the twenty first century, were, only 40 years ago, considered a crime by British society. Fortunately we have moved on a lot since then but in the past gay male movie stars, who were considered sexy pin ups by the ladies of those days were forced to hide their true inclinations in order to survive in show business. Thanks goodness that has all changed.

Are gay men sexy? I think they are, do you?


Lastly a short quiz the questions first mooted by John on the Friday night project. Who would you ( a) Fuck (b) Marry (c) Throw off a cliff ?

Best answers win a copy of either Doctor’s Orders or Wild Kingdom (from which the above quotes were taken)


Olivia Knight said...

How timely, Deanna... Torchwood's been keeping me up at nights lately. It's so refreshing to have a series aimed at adults (and we all know what adult means - cf. adult movie, adult book, adult content... adult means SEX. Being an adult means having SEX.) esp where sexual orientation seems to be optional for most of the characters (I'm one of those who firmly believe everyone's actually bi to some degree). Cpt Jack Harkness has now replaced Dr Who in my negotiable affections - especially after this scene with the man whose name he adopted...
Aliens, gadgets, rips in the fabric of space-time, and men kissing men. My cup runneth over.

Olivia Knight said...

Another snapshot of Jack's moment with Jack. The world is growing up, methinks...

Deanna Ashford said...

Thanks for that Olivia great shots.

I agree. I think some of us may only be bi in our fantasies rather than in reality. But fantasy is an important aspect of our sexuality.

I'm just waiting with baited breath to see what Jack and James Marsters get up to apparently according to the producers it is HOT!!!

Portia Da Costa said...

I've never watched Torchwood. I've never really fancied it at all. There, I've said it... You must be horrified, Deanna. :)

But I will watch it when yummy James is on... He's good in any role he appears in, and this sounds like an intriguing one. He was always pretty hetero in Buffy, but I often felt that there were suppressed sparks between Spike and Xander. A sort of hate/hate/hate/forbidden attraction/hate thing that could have exploded into passion...

Deanna Ashford said...

Torchwood is quite a sexy show and as you can guess from the post I really like John Barrowman. It is much more adult than Dr Who so don't be put off by its association with that.

However, if you don't like sc-fi it won't be your cup of tea, better stick with vampires instead.

Mathilde Madden said...

If I can just rush away from my werewolves for one geeky moment.

Joss Whedon apparently said in the DVD commentaries for Angel Season 5 that Spike and Angel definitely got it on at some point in their checkered past.

Course, many of us knew that already.

Portia Da Costa said...

Yeah, I thought about that too, Mat. I read a few S/A fanfics and was even on the point of writing one... and trying to get it published. :)

I *love* sci-fi, Deanna, but somehow, I saw the trailage for Torchwood, and it just didn't click for me. I think it's partly the Beeb's fault. Sometimes, when they over-hype something, this mulish curmudgeon-troll in my brain says, 'Well, up yours! *I'm* bloody well not going to watch it!!!'

Am cutting off my nose to spite my face, as they say... but I'm too old to change my contrary ways now! LOL

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks for reminding me about that vid, Mat! I think it's my all favourite fan video!!!

Madeline Moore said...

'Of course there are most likely quite a few gay men in musical theatre' - Oh Deanna, that line made me laugh far too early in the morning, literally hours before I even know how to make the sound of laughing, so it was more like a gawha, than a haha.

I'm still struggling with the m/m fascination so evident here at LB.
It's all very well, of course, to admire the chiselled bodies of men, and gay men (here comes another obvious generalisation) work at the hard body/6 pack ab thing harder than your average hetero dude,but...if they're doing each other...well they wouldn't want to do me, right? I'm very picky about my fantasies, I guess. They have to make sense.

So it's hard for me to choose a real gay celebrity guy that I find sexually attractive. I've been attracted to handsome gay friends but never to the point of crushing on them, like a lot of my girlfriends do. I'd rather die than say, as I've heard a number of gals perkily say, 'Maybe I can seduce you over to the other side?'
It seems rude.

I love gay men and their culture, their attitude, their parades and their political agendas and their fashion sense and talent and sensitivity to women and maleness and...don't get me wrong. But I have yet to crush on one. I'll keep tryin', tho... :)

Deanna Ashford said...


Loved the video. I haven't seen it before and never knew what Josh has said about Spike and Angel, what an episode that would have made!

If we are going into fancying all types it is the Host for me as well. I've got a really cute picture of the two of us together and he is giving me a hug. It was real not fantasy I assure you. I'll scan it in and post it some day soon.

Deanna Ashford said...

My daughter loves gay guys she says that they make far better shopping companions than women.Their taste in clothes is so great.

Also I don't think it is always the actual physical wish to seduce them. Maybe some women just look upon them as the ultimate challenge to our feminity.

Olivia Knight said...

I love gay men and their culture, their attitude, their parades and their political agendas and their fashion sense and talent and sensitivity to women and maleness...

Er - sorry to be all shallow. I just like men kissing other men. (And, come to think of it, straight-acting men kissing other straight-acting men - I'm not keen on one's sexuality dictating a whole lifestyle/sub-culture) As for the Captain - oh Captain my captain... oh...

What is it about Captains called Jack?
- Exhibit A
- Exhibit B
- Exhibit C

Oh dear. This has tapped into my latest obsession. And with this fixation, he doesn't even have a tardis that can magically appear in my living room. And Cardiff is miles away. And he's not real!

Madelynne Ellis said...

What's wrong with just watching them go at it?

Hi all, I guess my fascination with gay guys is pretty apparent, they just keep wheedling their way into my books (albeit disguised as bisexuals for keeping the editor sweet), and I'm sure Wendy and Mat will tell you that I even managed to pick one up for our entertainment during the Lust Bites Xmas lunch. He very obligingly snogged the bartender for my entertainment too (not sure I mentioned that bit to them, also not entirely sure it was for my entertainment, but whatever...)Anyway, big yes to John Barrowman, and I'm going to confess to a crush on Julian Clary in my distant youth. Not not thought, but at the time he was pretty and different and very very witty.

kristina lloyd said...

I'm baffled by a lot of this chat which might have something to do with me not owning a telly.

So here's a random bit of rough.

I think some gay men are sexy, some aren't. They're similar to straight men in that respect.

Deanna Ashford said...

Three Captain Jacks how great can it get?

All at once, or one at a time, Olivia?

Mathilde Madden said...

I was also a big fan of Any Queen Will Do, Deanna. Although I refuse to believe any of those guys weren't camper that a row of pink Xmas trees...

It occurs to me that I could mention that I wrote this book called Peep Show about a woman who spies on gay men having sex. But everyone already knows that don't they?

Deanna Ashford said...


Yeah some of them were, how many, who knows. However Lee was gorgeous when I saw him on stage a few weeks ago, he came across as very macho. He sings much, much better than he did on TV. Refuse to believe he is gay, he has a live in girlfriend /fiancee.

He and Orlando are my favourites for my "Old enough to be his mother" post.

Kate Pearce said...

I'm with Olivia-not literally-but I just love looking at two men kissing.

And like Madelynne I manage to get quite a bit of m/m past my various editors. For my next Kensington book I actually sent my editor the first 4 chapters of the proposal just so he'd know there was actually a woman in the story :)

Olivia Knight said...

Now now, Kate, let's not hide our light under a bushel... Kristina, I'm sure you're not alone in bafflement as I'm not sure either Dr Who or Torchwood have crossed the pond. Just look at the pictures and smile... Then imagine them as moving pictures... then imagine him in your living room... then...
Oh dear, I think I need a bit of a lie-down again.

Melissa Heywood said...

Ah the utmost delights of Captain Jack and *that* scene.

I wonder what it would be like for my other favorite Captain Jack - Johnny Depp - and John Barrowman to kiss, full on grab your pants and explode type kiss? Mmm...The possibilities are endless.

As to your question Deanna I would do the following:

Shag: David Tennent (It's the accent and the hope that the rumours are true)

Marry: John Barrowman (Who wouldn't want a sexy man like that on her arm?)

Push off a cliff: Anyone (or thing) that stood in the way of the above 2!

Deanna Ashford said...


Loved your answers to the questions. LOL..

If both Jonny and John were in character, who would come across as gayer? Captain Jack the pirate methinks yo..ho...ho!

kristina lloyd said...

I'm still not getting the Torchwood guy, sorry! However, I get men kissing other men very well indeed.

Warning: the above video may be the hottest thing you'll ever see.

Mathilde Madden said...

Oh nice. And haven't they both got lovely arms?

I think of you as a kind of smut mongering Father Christmas, KL, you know, in a way.

jothemama said...

Am I alone in wishing for an adult version of Buffy? It was the scenes of James Marsters stripped to just below the waist hat did it for me. Just a little further...

But he's not actually gay, right? Right?

Why did I miss Torchwood? Sounds great, must try harder...

Alison Tyler said...

I think of you as a kind of smut mongering Father Christmas, KL, you know, in a way.

Really? I've been naughty. Where's *my* Christmas smut?


Deanna Ashford said...

Hi Joethmama,

Maybe we'll get him stripped down in Torchwood! Think omnisexual!As I said it is due to be shown in the UK after Christmas.

Apparently first series of Torchwood is being shown on US tv very soon. Once it has been shown here I'm sure if you did a search on in the right places you'd be able to find it to download.

Not that I'm encouraging anyone to do anything that isn't legal.

Ally said...

My gawd,

I really don't watch enough TV. I haven't seen any of these shows.
I haven't seen Dr. Who since I was a young teen.
Buffy, I don't think I ever got past one episode.
What is Torchwood?

I don't love gay men, but man I could watch them loving each other all day long. Thanks KL for that delish video. Pant pant, two hot bods, kissing madly to the song of my heart, "Mad World". I feel so lucky today. An hour before my erotic chat and I'm already racing.

Great post!
As for your questions,,,
I would,

Scott Thompson cause thats my brother-inlaws name and I hate him, so that would realy put a bee in my sisters bonnet. Well that and I still love and watch 'Kids in the Hall', he's so funny and cute.

Alan Cumming, he's hot, sexy, witty, charming and lets face it, he's always cumming...

Throw off a cliff:
Myself, for marrying yet another man who didn't want to fuck me blind.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

I don't find gay men attractive because of their gayness, but some are definitely hot. I had a straight female friend who watched only gay male porn because the actors were so much better looking than in het porn. Sad but true...

I do get hot and bothered by bi men, though, especially those completely comfortable in their sexuality. That's what blew me away about Captain Jack--that, and the fact that it's so rare to have a bi male character, much less one where his sexuality is just a part of him, not some big deal or defining characteristic. I don't think we've ever seen that in US TV.

When I heard about John Barrowman and James Marsters together, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I just twitched for a while... ;-P

And for James Marsters fans: He'll be on a 5- or 6-episode arc of Without a Trace this season!

Jeremy Edwards said...

Alison asked:
Where's *my* Christmas smut?

I think they're still wrapping it up for you.

(You're so naughty, I bet you peeked at the contents while you were editing it.)

Alison Tyler said...

Oh, Jeremy, you're so damn sweet!
You just shamelessly plugged me!

Ta very much!

Madeline Moore said...

Now I know what I want for Christmas so THAT's taken care of...and I'm talking about AT's book, not two Captains shagging...

Did I just say 'shagging'? What is it with the way the Brits are infiltrating the way we over the ponders talk? Blimey, it's like a virus...or am I talkin' twaddle?

kristina lloyd said...

Listen, I'm not wearing the Santa outfit. Ever. Not even for you, AT.

However, I'll gladly unload my sack for you.

Shanna Germain said...

Ok, I've already added Torchwood to my Netflix queue even though it's not even out yet! Must have all of these men running around on my TV screen...

*sorry, would say something brilliant, but my brain is sunny-side up from the pictures and the words "sexy gay men." Hmmm...can't think, steak...*

Alison Tyler said...

However, I'll gladly unload my sack for you.

God, KL, you are so dirty. But you were already wearing a Santa suit in my mind. Hold on. Let me take it off you.


Ally said...

Almost speechless. Pant pant pant, licking screen.

Alison said...

Hi Deanna
In answer to your question I would fuck Lee Mead. In fact if he is looking for a good fun work out then i'm his girl. I would marry Andrew Lloyd Webber as not only could he keep in the style to which I am sure I would quickly become accustom but could also introduce me the for-mentioned Mr Mead and I would have to throw the very annoying and smug Nigella Lawson of a cliff.

Xander N. said...

That's all really great, and I think we all appreciate the support of us gay men from the ladies. It's certainly a change from being called "fag" or being bashed when I'm holding my boyfriend's hand or looking into his eyes.

But, as long as you realize that, in real life anyway, we're not doing it for your edification. We're doing it because we love each other and want to express it in the same way as straight couples.

I personally have had several bad experiences in this area.

Most commonly, where I've been felt up or groped because a female feels "safe" with me, and takes it upon herself that that means she can flirt without being subject to a guy's lustful reciprocation, and then escalates it. Apparently my disinterest in them sexually is taken to mean I will passively sit there an let them do what they want with me. The first few times I thought I was just supposed to let it happen, because you see that kind of thing on TV, with Sex and the City and so forth, and I felt guilty because I wanted to shove them away from me (the guilt stemming from the idea of hitting a woman), until I realized what they were doing to me was a form of sexual assault. Now I'm far more direct about this, much earlier on - I'm fine with being the "safe" boy for them, but, bitch, you better not cross the line. Look at it this way - I'm gay, so not only am I disinterested in you, as far as consent goes, there is a standing "NO" in effect.

The other bad experiences have been with women who treated me like a novelty, and getting off on me being gay, wanting to watch me kiss a guy (or later, my boyfriend), or such, and get some voyeuristic thrill out of, what I can only assume they see as some kind of taboo kink. I'm not your freak, and having you standing our gaping at us and enjoying it is about as disturbing as you standing around gaping at us and wanting to beat us up.

We're glad you like us. We like you too. Just please don't treat us like novelty freaks or your foreplay.