Monday, September 10, 2007

CARRY ON SHAGGING... or Portia goes WILD IN THE COUNTRY

by Portia Da Costa


The inimitable Mrs Giggles - the feared and legendary romance reviewer - has described WILD IN THE COUNTRY as "a pretty amusing - if silly - sex romp"... and do you know, I pretty much agree with her. It's fun and frolicksome and what you might call bawdy. There's a definite flavour of Carry On to this story about a hapless and initially naive heroine who gets herself into one pervy sexual scrape after another and whose underwear falls off with convenient regularity.


Flora Swain comes into a bit of money, and leaves her boring job and her boring boyfriend to 'find herself' creatively in the country. In the village of Marwick Magna she soon discovers that she's fallen into a delightful hotbed of kinky sexcapades where her new neighbours indulge in almost every sensual variation she's ever heard of, and quite a few that she hasn't. Along the way, Flora eagerly samples exhibitionism, voyeurism, lesbianism, a bit of bondage and spanking and all manner of intriguing erotic mindgames... all of which she takes to like a duck to the water of the village duck pond. And because I love romance, she even finds her ever-loving Mr Right in the course of all this debauchery, and ends up heading for a happily, if sexually riotous, ever after...

In the following extract, Flora has received a mysterious and explicit billet doux, and she's discussing it - and speculating about which of the fruity village inhabitants might have sent it - with her hunky next door neighbour Declan McKenna, a noted American artist who has a penchant for sunbathing nude in his back garden...

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“Yes,” said Flora, preparing to get up, but feeling distinctly reluctant to abandon the glorious sight of Declan, “I think I’ll go and see her. Show her the letter...”

“That’s great, Flora,” said Declan, darting out to grip her wrist with a big, strong hand, “But before you do go. Will you do me a favour?”

“Yes. Yes, of course...” Flora felt something flutter in her mid-section, and her heart begin to race. When she looked downwards, she saw Declan was now erect...

“Oil my back for me,” he said, his eyes dancing and his mouth totally wicked. He’d seen her ogling his cock, that was obvious.



Releasing her hand he lay down on his front, then gestured towards the bottle of milky lotion. “That’s the stuff... One of Morwenna’s finest concoctions. Complete protection and terrific for the skin.”

Flora picked up the bottle and sniffed it dubiously. The scent was powerful and citrus-like, with elements of flowers and spices. When she poured a little of the mixture onto her fingers, its consistency was thin, but unexpectedly silky. She shuddered. To the touch, it felt extraordinarily like semen, and to look at it there wasn’t much difference either.

“Yeah, I know... It reminds me of that too,” said Declan as if he’d read her mind, “I think Morwenna does it on purpose... Everything she does is provocative, and everything she makes either turns you on, or looks like something to do with sex.”

“You sound as if you know her well,” said Flora, tentatively dribbling a little of the lotion onto Declan’s broad back, then smoothing it in with the pads of her fingers. His skin was fine-textured, but so warm it felt feverish.

“You could say that,” he murmured, chuckling softly.

They’re lovers, thought Flora. The tone of voice gave it away. There was passion beneath the surface, and memories and possessiveness. Her own jealousy was a strong as it was sudden.

“And what about her husband?” she asked crisply, hoping to score a point as she added more lotion, then slicked it over the plains of his shoulders.

“Robert?” Declan settled himself a little on the rug... “You can do my ass, you know... It won’t mean we’re engaged or anything...”

Flora slapped a dollop of the white lotion on the crown of each buttock, and massaged it in with a fair amount of force. When Declan moaned softly, she almost tipped the bottle over, feeling the muscles beneath her fingers flex and tense. “God, that’s good,” he whispered, a shudder ascending the whole length of his back.

“What about Robert Carfax?” insisted Flora, feeling her own body shake, and remembering the words in her letter.

“Robert’s a great guy. A good friend of mine. He’s devoted to Morwenna... But then we all are,” he paused, his thighs stirring and his toes curling on the rug, “You will be too, when you meet her.”

Flora couldn’t think about Morwenna. She couldn’t really think about anything, except the naked male flesh beneath her fingers and the uninhibited reactions of the man she was anointing. Declan was sighing now, quivering and squirming on the blanket, rubbing his crotch against the firm earth beneath him. By now, Flora had coated his skin from his heels to his hairline, but almost dreamily she poured more lotion on his bottom, then began working it in meticulous little circles.


My arsehole... My crease... she thought, remembering the words of the letter and feeling her consciousness drift. She pressed with her thumbs, and made the snug aperture of his anus stretch and pout. Declan scrabbled at the blanket, then twisted it maniacally between his tightly clenched fingers. “Oh my God,” she heard him mutter indistinctly. “Oh God, please, do it, you beautiful girl!”

Do what? Flora asked herself, but even as the thought formed, she knew what he wanted. Clasping hard at one buttock, she slid the thumb of her other hand inside him, the entry made easy by the slipperiness of the lotion.

“Yes!” sobbed Declan, the single word cracking with grateful power. Rotating his hips against the mat, he whimpered with pleasure, and the tiny sounds made Flora’s sex respond to him, the very core of her beating like a pulse.

He was in her power now, this glamorous, talented man whose company had so recently intimidated her. He was a moaning wreck, because she was playing with his bottom. Rocking her thumb, she thought fleetingly of Ian, and how much he’d disapproved of anything like this. He’d been scared, she realised, not man enough to show his abandon. Declan McKenna clearly harboured no such doubts; he could surrender to anything without losing his primal maleness.

Feeling his sphincter clench around her slowly thrusting thumb, Flora wondered if Declan were about to climax. His being pleasured like this was clearly a great joy to him, and he might well need no other stimulation. And he was grinding his cock against the blanket.

Even so, she leant over him, and whispered, “Do you...you want me to touch you?”

She couldn’t quite say exactly what she meant, but Declan understood.

“Oh yes, Flora, yes,” he whispered, then rolled over as she popped her thumb out of him.


Declan’s penis was a wonder. He was bigger than Ian, bigger by far, and not only in length, but girth also. His fat reddened staff pointed skywards in the sunlight, rising from his groin like a shiny living tower.

Flora’s first instinct was to throw her thigh astride him, hitch aside her panties, and just let her wet sex slide down and engulf him. But that was far too much, and far too soon. Good Lord, she hardly knew him! And yet, she’d gone this far now, and made an offer. She poured more lotion on her fingers, then took a hold...

Making a ring of her thumb and forefinger, she encircled him, having to stretch around his fat rosy glans. Delicately, but enjoying herself, she worked his foreskin back and forth, smiling mischievously as his tiny love-eye winked.

“Harder!” cried Declan suddenly, his teeth gritted and his hands once more gouging at the blanket. “Go on, woman, do it!” he commanded, thrusting up his hips as if to urge her with his body.

“All right then,” muttered Flora. Unconsciously, she’d been planning a long, slow rise for him; she’d wanted to show him her skill, what she had of it, and to explore him. But clearly all Declan wanted to do was to come, and come quickly. The bastard! With no further ado, she began to move her fingers jerkily, the action rough as if to punish him for his greed.

Declan, however, seemed enraptured. Rising to her strokes, he pushed himself upwards through her grip, thus intensifying the length and force of each slick pass. Within seconds, he was shouting—some wordless nonsense that Flora barely heard—and his semen was jetting out into the air. Great droplets arced, then fell back down on him, covering his chest and belly like a string of milky jewels.

Flora was dumbstruck. She sat motionless on the rug, watching the white fluid’s pearly, running trails, and feeling Declan subside stickily in her clutching hand.

What on earth have I done? she thought, looking down at her semen smeared fingers, and the softening male flesh still clasped in them. It’s probably only half an hour since I met this bloody man, and I’ve just jerked him off! What the hell’s happened to me? How could I do such an insane thing?

----------------------

WILD IN THE COUNTRY
is available as a maxi length ebook from exciting new British erotic romance imprint Total-E-Bound.

And while you're there, get OBJECT OF DESIRE too, because that's also about people perving their neighbours! :)


Anyway, it's the usual drill vis-a-vis a giveaway... leave a comment here and I'll put into a draw to win a free erotic novel from my backlist. I might even pick two winners!

Good luck!

Portia Da Costa
"Ooerr Missis..." Diva of Black Lace

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Footnote: for those who haven't heard of CARRY ON...

The Carry On Films were a long running series of light-hearted and saucy British comedy films that were popular in the '60s and early '70s. They were broad, funny, almost naively smutty sex farces, crammed with innuendo and double entendre and often quite cleverly parodying other movie genres or satirising British institutions like the police, the health service and colonialism. I love 'em!

More information here.

71 comments:

Nikki H said...

Well, Ding, Dong! Great excerpt, Portia/Wendy. makes a change from going round to borrow a cup of sugar, doesn't it?

Cream, anyone?

Janine Ashbless said...

A man begging to have a finger stuck up his arse ...
Luverly jubbley

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Nikki

I think I'm developing a 'thing' about naughty neighbours. I seem to write about them quite a lot, don't I?

In real life my neighbours are v. nice, but extremely quiet and respectable. At least I think so... Maybe I just haven't been spying on them enough? LOL

Portia Da Costa said...

Glad you enjoyed my 'digital' offering, Janine...

Groan... I know, I know...

I'll be going all Dad's Army next and saying, 'But they *do* like it up em, Captain Mannering!'

Sue A. said...

Hi Portia! I used to love finding a Carry On film on television and I'd like to think I caught almost all of them. They had some pretty raunchy stuff going on in them. Which I happened to love!

Your book sounds great and to mention it with the Carry On movies in the same paragraph only adds to the appeal of the storyline. The British know how to do comedy right!

Portia Da Costa said...

I think I've seen most of the Carry On films, Sue, although perhaps not the last two or three when, sadly, they were well past their golden age.

I always love it when I find one on the telly, esp. when I'm feeling fed up or stressed about something as they really cheer me up! They're so blatant and bawdy and unpretentious, I just have to giggle. :)

Funnily enough, I'd already prepared this piece when I discovered CARRY ON CAMPING was on BBC2 on Saturday night, complete with Barbara's classic 'bra busting' scene!

Lisabet Sarai said...

I loved this:

"Flora’s first instinct was to throw her thigh astride him, hitch aside her panties, and just let her wet sex slide down and engulf him. But that was far too much, and far too soon. Good Lord, she hardly knew him!"

Now I'd say she knows him pretty well...!

You've got the charm of being
hilarious as well as feverishly sexy. Great fun!

Warmly,
Lisabet

Melissa Heywood said...

Portia, I was just going to ask if you spied on your neighbours when you then wrote that you didn't and they were very nice and respectable.

Hmm...Me thinks you need to let them read some books of yours to get them in the mood!

Jennifer McK said...

As always, Portia, you totally rock. That was a GREAT scene.
And your hero was definitely "creamy" er I mean dreamy.
Awesome.

Deanna Ashford said...

Portia,

That was wonderful, I really, really loved the excerpt. Light but sexy and stimulating. I could almost imagine myself there with them, the hot sun beating down on my back as I watched.

I'm supposed to be working, but I'll have to go and grab a cup of coffee now to calm me down.

By the way I have a single male neighbour and he is quite attractive but clearly not as sexy as Declan. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to sunbathe at all,let alone in the nude and the fence is too high for me to see over without a ladder.

Knowing me if I tried I'd probably fall off the ladder and end up hospitalised!

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Lisabet

I've wondered occasionally if I should try and write comedy. People have told me more than once that I should... But I think my funniest moments are always spontaneous or completely by accident.

I do like making people smile though... :)

Portia Da Costa said...

Melissa... my neighbours think *I'm* quiet and respectable too! LOL

Portia Da Costa said...

Yes, Jennifer... that's one of my favourite scenes in the book. Although there are plenty of other crazy-sexy ones too... esp. the one with the carrot!

Portia Da Costa said...

Hey, Deanna!

We haven't had a very good summer this year weatherwise, have we? Maybe next year it'll be better and your hot neighbour *will* sunbathe in the buff.

You'll have to drill a hole in the fence, just in case, so you don't have to go up a stepladder! Tee hee!

Fionn J said...

Wow! Is it hot in here or is it just me? Lol, no it's just HOT in here! I think I need to go up and open a window or something.

...oh wait, the window is already open, doh!

Great, great, and, did I mention fantabulous? That was a very hot scene and I'd love to read more!

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Fionn! I'm really glad you enjoyed the scene. It was fun to write. :)

It's put me in a mood to write more of these 'fiddling about with men' scenarios...

Deanna Ashford said...

Drill a hole, never thought of that. Never was too hot at lateral thinking.

Don't think my other half would like it, however, if (on the one hot day we will maybe have next summer)I scurried round there and offered to put suncream on our neightbour's back LOL.

Fionn J said...

Oh, by the way, Portia...O__O That cover is L O V E.

Amy S. said...

Sounds great!

Portia Da Costa said...

Glad you liked the excerpt, Amy! :)

Deanna, would your hub be okay with you putting suncream on your neighbour's *front* instead? LOL

I totally agree, Fionn... They've given me the most gorgeous cover for this book. I was utterly thrilled when I first saw it.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Yay! Sex + banter! Great cocktail, Portia.

Donna Grant said...

Portia -

What a great blog and excerpt. I've got to have this book. I think I'll have to start each morning off reading something of yours from now on. :)

hugs,
D

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Jeremy!

Ooh, matron, I love a bit of a bant of a morning... ;)

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Donna

I hope you enjoy the rest of the book... there's a bit of something for everybody in it. It's a pot pourri of sexual naughtiness... :)

Stacy S said...

That was a great excerpt. Very hot!

Portia Da Costa said...

Glad you enjoyed Flora and Declan's little interlude, Stacy. :)

Alison Tyler said...

Sexy way to rise and shine, Portia!
Cover and photos are delish and delightful, too (especially on this not so sunny California morning).

XXX,
AT

P.S. Although I was a masseuse for several years, never had quite that type of slippery experience.

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Alison! Glad you enjoyed the frisky prose and photos...

Ironically enough, it's actually quite warm and sunny here in this part of Blighty today! :)

vpdzoo said...

I really enjoyed this one, right up there with "Mr Stone"! Keep looking for the neighbors that that inspire you so I can move but haven't found any yet:>

tetewa said...

Enjoyed another great excerpt!

Jennah said...

wow, that excerpt had me! I admit sheepishly that I haven't read any of your books yet, Portia. But I intend to. Awesome cover, by the way. Congrats!

Jennah

Jackie Brown said...

Wow! That was hot fun.
I live in a city with a shared garden and a neighbour who is 80 - so that took me far, far away!!!! Just wish I could stay there. Thanx Portia!

rgraham666 said...

Hi Portia.

Thought I'd drop in to make you look popular. ;)

That was a very hot excerpt. Had to adjust my anatomy halfway through.

I hope 'Wild In the Country' does well

Portia Da Costa said...

Hey, vpdzoo... Maybe Maria should take Mr Stone in hand with the old sun lotion too, eh? I bet he'd like it... ;)

Portia Da Costa said...

LOL, Rob! You are a caution... ;)

Madelynne Ellis said...

Nice one, Wendy. It certainly fits in with the tongue-in-cheek Carry On theme.

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, tetewa and Jennah, I'm glad you enjoyed the scene!

And yes, as I said earlier, I love the cover TEB has given me for this book. They do some beauties!

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Jackie! Great to see you here!

I keep hoping that if they ever build flats over the back from us [which they probably will in this land of flats!] some gorgeous hunks will move in and provide me with some scenery to look at on hot sunny days.

I'll be drilling holes in *my* fence then... :)

Portia Da Costa said...

Tongue in cheeks, Madelynne? Ack, I forgot to include that particular kink... I must *insert* it into my next massage scene... ;)

Lisa said...

Hi Portia... My, my! I really want to read that letter!! And some of that lotion!!
I just finished your delightful Suite Seventeen and as is the norm after one of your books - and this little excerpt! - I cannot wait to read more. If you do continue in the naughty neighbor vein, I do hope that Maria and Robert show up from time to time... I was really hoping that I would have neighbors like them when I moved to St. Louis! *LOL*
Wonderful and hot as always - I may have to try out this ebook thing... although I am not quite sure how it works!

Layne Blacque said...

What a wonderful morning pick-me-up! Beats coffee every time.

Good job, Portia!

Madeline Moore said...

Donna wrote: 'I think I'll have to start each morning off reading something of yours from now on. :)'

Now this has me thinking, seriously, about what the world would be like if we all added a little Portia da Costa to our morning ritual. Coffee, horoscope, news (shudder) and - ooOOOoooo...a bit of sexy stuff from PC.

You can absolutely be trusted to deliver the goods, as it were, Portia and this excerpt is more proof of the fact. Wonderful stuff, a little silly, even funny, but not at the expense of the sexiness of the scene. Yay!

I always enjoy your comments on LB too, for example, just a few days ago you wrote (something like) 'I enjoy writing about spanking, but I don't know why.'

So, I propose a day book with quotes from your books, and you, on each page, and sexy pics like the ones you chose to adorn your post today.

I don't think it's beyond possibility to see world peace, and a Nobel Peace prize, as a result of making this day book available to everyone in the world. Is it?

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Lisa

Yeah, Robert and Maria are pretty much my all time favourite characters, and I'm determined to bring them back as guest stars in a book or story sooner or later!

Actually, buying an ebook is pretty straightforward. I was a bit unsure the first time, but all went well.

Portia Da Costa said...

I love coffee, Layne, but if it was Declan or a cup of hot java, I know which I'd choose... ;)

Portia Da Costa said...

Aw, thank you, Madeline, you always say the nicest and most generous things. I do appreciate that.

I'm happy that you liked the words and the piccies...

A PDC daybook? Yikes, now there's a thing, eh?

Sabrina Luna said...

Ooooh you're spoiling me! Brava --love it!!! You so rock! ;)

Hugs,
S )O(

Summer said...

Wow, talk about *hot.* Quite a lusty romp, Portia. TEB is my publisher as well and the authors are a great group.

Summer Jordan

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Sabrina! Glad you enjoyed the naughtiness... ;)

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Summer!

Thanks for dropping by. I'm glad you enjoyed the excerpt, and nice to see another member of the TEB family here. :)

Kate Pearce said...

Lovely excerpt Portia!
I loved the Carry On films!

Ally said...

Good morning Portia,
Yum. So delish.
Wow my coffee was so good this morning, tasted creamier for some reason. Ok so its 11am, yes I like to lounge in bed late.

The 1st thing I do is turn on the coffee, then turn on the computer, turn on Lust Bites and get turned on for my day, even before the caffeine kicks in.

OhOh, now I'm thinking of Andre again,,, What have you done to me Portia?

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Kate! I'm so pleased you liked the excerpt... and nice to hear from another Carry On fan!

The films are naughty, but there's a sort of innocence about them too. No cynicism or pretentiousness. Just honest bawdy fun to relax and escape with.

Portia Da Costa said...

Hiya, Ally! Still in bed at 11am? That's so decadent... I'll have to send Count Andre round to punish you! ;)

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Brilliant post! I love it when hot sex and humor are mixed skillfully. :-)

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Dayle! Glad you enjoyed it. :)

angell said...

DAMN - that was hot.

I wish my neighbours were as interesting and intriguing....

*makes a note on a list*

Must check out Carry On films...

Portia Da Costa said...

Hope you enjoy Carry On, Angell... they're a uniquely British phenomenon. I can't think of anything similar from another country.

I think maybe that estate agents/realtors should list hunky neighbors as a major selling point when trying to get people to buy houses. :)

Ally said...

Hiya, Ally! Still in bed at 11am? That's so decadent...

I am not so decadent at 3am when I am just heading for bed, nor when I type my way through a night of insomnia.(Too many years of bartending in my past and mania... lol.)

Oh, but indecent sounds like fun.

Yes please, send Andre anyway, I'm still a baaaaad girl.

Anne Tourney said...

It’s probably only half an hour since I met this bloody man, and I’ve just jerked him off!

You know, I find myself saying exactly that same thing several times a week . . . .

I don't know how you do it, Wendy, but somehow your fiction always turns me on, makes me laugh, and lightens my heart. The characters, even at their most down and dirty, feel so real to me, and that's what makes them so sexy. And as jaded as I sometimes think I am, your sex scenes always make me feel titillated and a bit shocked :).

A wonderful excerpt -- thank you!

Portia Da Costa said...

Count Andre loves bad girls, Ally! ;)

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Anne

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your good opinion means a lot to me and I'm thrilled you enjoyed the excerpt so much. :)

Gwen Masters said...

Oh, Gawd...this is one of the hottest excerpts I've read in a long while...

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks, Gwen! Glad you liked it. :)

rachelr said...

Wow! Love the excerpt and the illustration of the naked ass! I've always liked the site of male backside...(deep sigh)

Crystal Adkins said...

Portia, WHoooo baby that experpt is HOT!! Naughty but ooohhhh so nice! I have to put you on my to be read list!

ChristyJan said...

I found your excerpt to be quite stimulating. Loved it in fact.

Portia Da Costa said...

Oh, Rachel, I had to force myself to look at dozens and dozens of male bottom pix in order to choose that perfect one... What an ordeal! Not... LOL

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Crystal! Thanks for dropping by... glad you enjoyed the excerpt. :)

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Christy! Thanks for leaving a comment and I'm so pleased that the scene worked for you.

I'm still trying to figure out who was in charge here... Declan or Flora?

Michelle M Pillow said...

*waving at Portia* You had my eyes fighting between reading really fast to see what happened and looking at the pictures, lol. I love the lady in the tree!

Hi, lustbiters!

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Michelle

Yeah, I love the nosy neighbour lady in the tree... but I can't for the life of me remember where I found her now...

Me, I like the man's naked bottom pic best... ;)