Monday, November 12, 2007

... But I Won't Do That!

by Janine Ashbless


She ran her hand down Brad’s chest and stomach, all the way down to that silky cock touched by morning sunlight. Brad stirred, woke and turned to her with a sleepy but wicked smile. They kissed , their tongues-
NO!! STOPPIT!!

Brad took a mouthful of champagne, then pressed his lips to hers. Insinuating the tip of his tongue, he parted her lips enough to let the liquid, warm from his body but still fizzy, pass from his mouth to hers-
NO!!! AARGH !!! OHMYGOD I’M GOING TO HURL…

Okay, it’s a bit embarrassing. I’m a smutwriter. I write - whisper it because my mother might be listening - porn. So I should, like, have the heart and stomach for just about anything, right? Nothing should shock me. (Well, nothing legal.) All expressions of consensual sexual passion should find a place in my imagination and my writing, shouldn’t they? I mean, I’ve covered exhibitionism and panty-wetting, bondage and anal, threesomes and facials, gay sex and dragons. What’s my problem?

My problem is that like most people I have my Achilles’ heel. My problem is that I’m not the omnisexual lust-goddess I ought to be.

My problem is kissing.

Yeah. I can’t stand kissing with tongues. In real life, a peck on the lips is the furthest anyone gets and French kissing makes me run for the hills. You see, I’ve a mild phobia about saliva. Mostly (but not entirely) other people’s saliva. It’s just GROSS! Yes, I know my attitude is irrational and stupid: saliva is the most insipid, harmless and inoffensive of all the body products, and I don’t have any particular problem with the others. I can stick my tongue anywhere else on my partner’s body – but not in their mouth. I can’t bear to watch someone cleaning their teeth. As for that romantic morning-after kiss in movies – I have to put my hands over my face. And I cannot bring myself to write it.

There are of course other motifs I don’t write about; mostly because they are things that don’t spark my imagination. Sex toys and vibes are fine and fun but I can’t fetishise them for literary purposes. I can write femdom but I don’t do submissive males (I can write raging chained-up men just dandy! But they have to be forced rather than willingly submissive. Maybe I should worry about this…) . But the fact is, if I tried I could put myself imaginatively into the shoes of someone who was fixated by such themes. I could write them. I just haven’t done it yet.

Kissing … No Way. It’s not a case of Don’t, it’s Won’t. I won’t fake it that far.

I would do anything for love – but I won’t do that.

So I thought I’d ask around at Lust Bites Mansion and find out if the other authors had any embarrassing little quirks, weaknesses, or aversions. It’s a busy day, because we’re all gearing up for our First Birthday. Yes – we’re nearly One Year Old!

Before we set off, by the way, here’s the small print:
This post is offered in a light-hearted spirit, without intention of oppressing or marginalising People Who Kiss. I don’t like kissing. I am allowed not to like it, and to express that feeling. You are allowed to regard me as a silly twat. You do not need my or anyone else’s approval or consent, explicit or implicit, to validate your Consensual Kissing Lifestyle: you are an autonomous adult, for chrissakes. Exactly the same goes for all other opinions expressed below.
Terms and conditions apply. The value of your investments may go down as well as up.



First of all I found Dayle Dermatis vigorously warming up the band in the Ballroom. She has a dedicated musical streak, you know. She told me: "Here's what I don't get, or do: showers of any sort. Golden, brown, rainbow. I THINK I can understand the idea behind golden showers, or at least the idea that having to pee a little can enhance sensations, but that's it. Keep those bodily fluids far, far away from me. I don't think I could even write about them convincingly. Heck, I don't even like portapotties!"

Olivia Knight was in the Kitchen, doing something fairly surprising with a broomstick to a nice young man. She said: "Leather masks - they're freaky. Gimps are disgusting. A nose squashed down by fabric is as horrible a sight as a missing nose, to me. Even in shop windows, they don't suggest a dark and dangerous world of edgy thrills - it's the visual equivalent of stepping in a dog-turd. Barefoot. Along with leather masks, I won't have anything to do with master/mistress action - but that's because I have a sense of humour and I can't say "Yes, sir" with a straight face. (I was a difficult child at school.) Role-playing is like the elephant in the room, and while everyone's cowering or towering, I want to yell, "Get over yourself! It's a game! You're just pretending!" I like my characters (and my people) to be absolutely true to themselves, which is hard to do when you're coming over all strict-nanny and secretly loving it."

Portia Da Costa said: "I just listen to the story and write what it tells me to. And my psyche tells me to write pretty tame stuff and lovey-dovey romance." Then she went back to instructing the Sommelier: a handsome older man whom she had somehow persuaded to wear a dress. To be honest I don't believe the "tame" bit, Portia!

Mathilde Madden "won’t do clothes. Shopping sprees, being spoilt by men with unlimited financial resources, sugar daddies paying for lovely shoes or pretending to be a high class hooker and dressing up in whorewear. I like to write about women making their own sexual fantasies come true, not having sex to get other things. Not dressing to please. And female exhibitionism is a mystery to me. I’m a voyeur. And – talking of clothes - I can’t stand too much description of what the female character is wearing. I so don’t care. Or her ‘slender yet curvy’ body. Tell me about what the guy looks like!" Luckily Mathilde is in charge of Security for the party and her team of enormous muscular men obediently wear no clothes at all.

Kate Pearce, who was out in the Stables discussing marquee ropes with some dusty fellows in boots and leather chaps, surfaced from the hay long enough to gasp "I just don't get the whole chain me up, treat me like a dog and put me in a cage thing." Then she was lassoed back inside with a cry of "Yee-hah!"

Probably that was just as well because at that moment along came Kristina Lloyd, who is co-ordinating the entertainment for the evening – some sort of puppet show, she says with a wicked glint in her eye. She told me: "There's loads of stuff I don't write about because I'm not really into it rather than because it transgresses some limits. I stick to femsub and I explore it quite deeply. And it's my kind of femsub, meaning the scenarios are often rough, humiliating, unpolished. I don't depict formalised role-play and disciplining. Authority figures (daddy, master, teacher) give me the creeps. My male characters' dominance is about testosterone and cunning rather than elevated social status. And I'd sooner chop off my right arm than write 'He' when it should be 'he'. Ew! Domming via bad grammar. It makes everyone look so silly."

Madeline Moore, busy setting up the poker table, was particularly specific: "One line I will not say and will not write. It’s this: ‘I could have peed my pants!’ This is a statement women use to indicate that their funny bones have been tickled in a big way. I hear it a lot, always from women. Why don’t guys, who’ll say anything, never say that? I don’t find pee sexy, but I might write a golden showers scene someday, who knows? It’s not beyond me to why some women get off on the intimacy of a partner’s warm, sterile bodily fluid splashing over her skin, running in yellow rivulets down the crack of her ass, over her thighs, her breasts, what the hell, even into her mouth. I think I get it. What I don’t get is why so many women are blithely willing to share their bladder inadequacies with all and sundry. Who among us wants to know that she has poor bladder control?"

Alison Tyler, who is going to be in charge of the cocktail bar, was directing her staff out on the Patio (Brave considering the time of year, but she always brings the California sun with her). She looked worried: "I don't know. I don't know what I won't do. As soon as I think, hmmm, I can't comprehend that smoking fetish, someone will patiently explain why watching Catherine Deneuve inhale makes them want to shoot. Or if I question the eroticism of sploshing, I will find myself invited to a sit-on-a-cherry-pie party, and all bets will be off. But I suppose this is my general rule: I think of anything in the erotic world that might seem off-putting, and then imagine Jason Isaacs (or whomever) asking me to do that to him. Damn, how quickly my viewpoint shifts."

But the last word goes to Teresa Noelle Roberts, speaking from the Hot Tub where she and her piscine friend Dylan were getting the temperature just right: "What I have the hardest time writing is basic vanilla sex. With well-developed characters, it works, because then it's about the characters and the relationship. However, in a shorter piece without a strong emotional context, it can get very Tab A and Slot B. Boring! Don't get me wrong. Vanilla sex can be lovely with the right person, but writing about it...it's the "right person" factor there. Toys and tricks and third parties make it easy to focus on the hot physical details, but when it's one-on-one and pretty straightforward, you have to get the characters' heads and hearts involved or the story's flat. And when you've got 2000 words or less, that's a challenge!"

So there you go. Oddly, nobody else mentioned kissing at all, but most of us have our stumbling blocks. What about the rest of you out there?

xxx
Janine Ashbless

62 comments:

Madelynne Ellis said...

I'm still trying to think of something. I mean I can think of things I'd rather not write about, but that's not the same as won't.

Hmm. Maybe anything that eroticises David Beckham, or dirty old men. I'm mean - yuck!

Actually, on second thoughts, if you paid me enough I might even be persuaded to write about Mr Beckham and dirty old men together.

Oh, and BTW Janine, how do you manage to read any erotica, or am I the only one who includes lots of kissing these days?

Janine Ashbless said...

Janine, how do you manage to read any erotica?

I skip anything that that starts to get into heavy detail.

Actually my own characters do kiss - in "Wildwood" a major dramatic point revolves around a kiss long withheld - but I just go sparely on the details. And the wetness.

Portia Da Costa said...

Come to think of it, when I describe kisses, I don't tend to dwell on the wetness either. I do like characters to kiss, but nothing *too* sloppy and slurpy...

Nikki H said...

Foot fetishism. Ugh! How can anyone get turned on by feet? Ugly toes, crusty skin and let's not even mention that some of them really stink! It always reminds me of the Little Britain sketch where David Walliams has this 'thing' for his mates granny and pulls her slippers off and sucks on her toes. Icky!

Olivia Knight said...

I agree wholeheartedly, Tilly - don't tell me the heroine's measurements match Barbie and don't tell me her entire wardrobe came out the fashion pages. For lack of anything better to read, I picked up a Dan Brown last night. God. Apart from the way his characters helpfully and obediently think their way through large chunks of backstory in a consistent, chronological narrative way (because we all go down a lift and quickly run through the past three years of our lives in the proper order), besides the fact that his couples only ever make love in front of fires in log cabins, leaving aside that all protagonists are gorgeous, healthy, brilliant, clean-living, sporty, fun and relax from secret-agency-work by playing professional squash and composing award-winning sonatas... In addition to all that, there's this:
"The guard admired Susan as she began her walk down the cement causeway. He noticed that her strong hazel eyes seemed distant today, but her cheeks had a flushed freshness, and her shoulder-length auburn hair looked newly blown dry. His eyes fell the length of her slender torso... and finally to her legs... Susan Fletcher's legs.
Hard to imagine they support a 170 IQ, he mused to himself."

Sorry to anyone who just threw their computer screen across the room. I did the same to the book, and decided I'd better stop reading lest it pollute my own style. Unfortunately, I didn't stop in time - I was still to discover that she had "a willowy grace - slender and tall with full, firm breasts and a perfectly flat abdomen. David often joked that she was the first swimsuit model he'd ever met with a doctorate in applied mathematics and number theory." A-ha-ha-ha! What wit!

And there I was, thinking it was bad manners to wank in public...

Olivia Knight said...

P.S. I think it was Miss Tyler on the Patio with the Cocktail stick.

Anne Tourney said...

His eyes fell the length of her slender torso... and finally to her legs... Susan Fletcher's legs.
Hard to imagine they support a 170 IQ, he mused to himself."


Her legs support her IQ? I don't know about Susan's anatomy, but my legs lead straight to my ass.

I don't think it's the act itself that turns me off, in certain cases, but my lack of engagement with certain characters. I'd agree with Mathilde and Olivia and others who said that perfection bores them. I don't like fantasy settings, obscenely rich men, or hunks who work for the DEA. I just finished writing a scene about a guy who shelves books at the library, sharing a pot of ravioli with a girl who develops software.

They kissed. It was fun. Not too much goop, though -- I don't like heavy spit-swapping, either.

On a different note, how do you all feel about anal?

Erastes said...

Heterosexual sex. This is peculiar as I indulge in this from time to time, but I couldn't write about it save my LIFE.

Olivia Knight said...

Holding a gun to Erastes's head and handing her a pen Let's test that statement, shall we? ;-)

I'm quite happy writing about heterosexual anal, but don't know if I could carry off gay anal - but that's more hesitation about getting the nitty-gritty details right rather than any "ew" factor.

But I'm flying the Kissing flag high and will defend it against all comers! Kissing is fantastic and I know Tilly's favourite werewolf would agree! Of course if you don't want to be intimate with someone, then kissing's a bit gross ("Get your tongue out my mouth, I'm kissing you goodbye"), but otherwise... nyum nyum nyum nyum nyum! And I love feet. My characters will pamper them, powder them, wash them, nibble them, suck toes - at least, they would if they and I had our way, but I usually defer to everyone else's taste on that matter and leave it out. Maybe I shouldn't...

(Memo to self: include erotic toe-sucking in next story)

Madelynne Ellis said...

I think you only have to open one of my books to know that I have no qualms about writing anal scenes, het or gay, or mixing it with all that "gross" saliva.

Emma Petersen said...

I too have a saliva phobia. I've always had it but I blame Rob Zombie for bringing it to the point it is now. All I remember is hiding underneath my jacket and screaming, "Mr. Zombie, please! I'm afraid of saliva."

I write about it despite my phobia and I honesty don't think there's anything I don't write about. I even write about anal sex. It took me to my 10th story but I finally did it.

I even write about oral sex and swallowing with makes me vomit just a little in my mouth.

Great post! It's awesome to know I'm not the only salivaphobe out there.

Deanna Ashford said...

I agree with Janine submissive men, no way.

I can force them to do stuff in my books - lock them up, chain them, do all kinds of terrible things to them but I like them to be purely macho creatures.

There is something so sexy about a fit looking half naked man in chains!

Janine Ashbless said...

Nikki - I was cornered by a foot fetishist at a friend's wedding reception. You know what elderly male relatives get like after a few drinks...

In between beiing creeped out, I was busy taking mental notes of what he was saying, just in case I ever have to write a foot story.
How sad is that?

Janine Ashbless said...

Hey Emma!

Olivia, I nearly fell off my chair reading your Dan Brown critique. Thank you for reading that book so I never have to. Honestly, Dan Brown - Why??!!!

And I love writing anal! There's so much drama and taboo and nervousness. I totally recommend Luscious, a lovely anthology edited by our own Alison Tyler.

And fit angry men in chains ... mmm! Surely there's a Crush Wednesday in that one...

Alison Tyler said...

Ha, Janine! I found your pics of non-sexy stuff alarmingly sexy. But I realized what I won't write. I won't write depressingly dark erotica. I don't like characters to have been abused in their back story in order to like what they like. I don't want people to have to die to get what they want.

I like healthy, sane consenting characters who eat three square meals a day and remember to take their vitamins and wash their clothes. And I like them to be peed on, put in puppy cages, dressed in high fashion, calling their lovers Daddy or Master or Sir while they kiss madly through their gimp masks.

XXX,
AT

P.S. Yes, Olivia. It was me. On the patio. With the bartender.

Alison Tyler said...

I know. I know. You can't kiss madly through a gimp mask. But that would solve the saliva problem, wouldn't it?

XXX,
AT

P.S. Thanks for the shameless anal plug, Janine!

Janine Ashbless said...

You know, I was sort of expecting a link to a butt-plug picture there, Alison...
:-D

Madeline Moore said...

Did you know that the most common fetish is the foot fetish? Not at Lust Bites, it seems.

There's something else I wouldn't write. When I proofed 'Dolminant' for Felix, I found a passage that really offended me. (The book was for Virgin Nexus.) In it, the main character mixed his come with champagne and ordered his subbie playmate to drink it. I told him I wouldn't ever be able to do such a thing without vomiting. The passage was yucky, to me, not exciting at all. He left it in.

So there's something else I wouldn't write and would NOT do. Yuck!!

On another note, I was checking the Toronto Star obits to see if an ex-friend has died yet...he hasn't...but Madeline Moore passed away peacefully, in her 83rd year.

Yikes! One less Madeline Moore to muddy the waters. But not this MM, THIS MM is alive and kicking!

Alison Tyler said...

How's this?

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

It used to be that so many of the topics you ladies feature in your writing were taboo, and that their very "tabooness" was part of their appeal. Increasing acceptance of sexual diversity must make it harder to generate that frisson of the forbidden for readers to enjoy.

I'd like to draw your attention to a sexual predilection that to the best of my knowledge hasn't yet been discussed on Lust Bites, and which may be something that those of you who happily think you'd write anything would truly balk at.

I'm thinking of necrophilia, and in particular of the case of Leilah Wendell, whose story is told in the chapter "My Lips Pressed Against the Decay" by Chad Hensley (in Adam Parfrey's compilation "Apolcalyse Culture II").

Leilah has had an affinity for what she calls "the angel of death" since she was four years old and a corpse on a gurney in the elevator she was riding on reached out and grabbed hold of her wrist. She reports having just "enjoyed the moment" and that the expressions on the faces of the orderlies was just "priceless".

In adulthood this led to her taking up work at mortuaries until she was blacklisted for sleeping with corpses after hours. She describes one case in which the arms of one of her "moldy oldies" had twined around her so firmly that she needed help to remove herself from it's embrace.

That this is certainly a case of fact being stranger than fiction. Sure brings new meaning to the idea of loving someone "for their body".

Olivia Knight said...

Do the foot fetish stats specify among girls or among boys? Seeing as most women's shoes are practically foot-porn and most men's shoes are as suggestive as a dirty dishcloth, I could understand...
But I still love feet. In winter time, I really miss toes. Seeing people padding about barefoot in summer makes my heart sing.
(And it's damn hard, in this crowd, to say "as suggestive as a..." and think of something you lot won't find suggestive!)
Why Dan Brown, Janine? Couldn't find the back of a cereal box, I guess, and I've already memorised the blurb on the face-cream bottle. But next time I'm that desperate for something to read, I'll dig through my purse for old receipts.

Olivia Knight said...

Don't underestimate how twisted some of these lustbiters are, Karl...

"So, what are your thoughts on necrophilia, Ms Ashbless?"
Pointing the microphone at Janine

Janine Ashbless said...

There was an arty film called "Kiss" or something, wasn't there, about a female undertaker who got rather too close to her clients?

I've written a necro story. Just one. "Lord Montague's Last Ride" in Cruel Enchantment. Well, he was undead technically, but he was pretty yucky. He had no eyes

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Well Alison, nothing says "No Shit" quite like a butt plug. But can you imagine anyone actually wearing one of those T-shirts to advertise they're wearing a plug up their ass? Unless wht they're wearing is a "shameless butt plug".

Janine Ashbless said...

When I said "Dan Brown - Why?" I meant it in a wider existential context. Why the hell is he so popular? Why did he have to be born? That sort of thing...

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Well Olivia and Janine, I stand corrected, somewhat. Now I'd just like to have clarified for me how KL can do femsub without liking spanking.

Jeremy Edwards said...

I was cornered by a foot fetishist at a friend's wedding reception. You know what elderly male relatives get like after a few drinks...

In between beiing creeped out, I was busy taking mental notes of what he was saying, just in case I ever have to write a foot story.
How sad is that?


I think it's rather clever. Now the dress you wore to the wedding has become tax-deductible, right?

Alison Tyler said...

Not the dress, Jeremy. The shoes!

Olivia Knight said...

When I said "Dan Brown - Why?" I meant it in a wider existential context. Why the hell is he so popular? Why did he have to be born?

Where was his editor?

I'd like to take him aside and say - Dan, it's okay. You don't have to tell backstory through characters' point of view. You can just say stuff. It's alright. It's allowed. And you don't have to include all your research, just hint at stuff. And a subsitution code moving one letter back in the alphabet is not big and not clever and goes no way towards convincing us your heroine's legs are carrying a 170 IQ. And yes, that is my axe in your neck.

Sorry - got carried away again. Didn't mean to kill him, officer, honestly.

Anyway, that's way off topic so I'll follow up by saying - I won't write submissive women. Being bossed around isn't sexy, it's annoying and asking for a smack. Of course being bossed around and fighting back (and possibly losing) - now that is sexy - but dominance has to be earned.

Alison Tyler said...

Oh, no, no, no.

Being bossed around is sexy. I swear to fucking god. It's very, very sexy.

XXX,
AT

Jeremy Edwards said...

In it, the main character mixed his come with champagne and ordered his subbie playmate to drink it.

And all this time I thought "Brut: Smells Like a Man" was a cologne ad.

I told him I wouldn't ever be able to do such a thing without vomiting.

Is it just the bubbles that put you off? Or are you going to pass on the Sauvignon Blanc cumtails, too?

Madeline Moore said...

I pass on all cumtails, thank you Jeremy.

I have a question from a friend.
'So what's wrong with homosexuality and necro9\philia,' asks Bob, in dead Ernest.

kristina lloyd said...

'Crawl across the room, bitch, and suck the man's cock.'

See, Karl? Femsub and not a spank in sight. It's easy when you know how.

Fab post, Janine. I love our mansion!

And now, ladies and gents, roll up! Roll up! Porno puppet show this way! Yeah, I know. It's not to everyone's taste.

And AT, three square meals a day? You do that to your characters? My god, you're such a dirty pervert.

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

KL: So far so good. But what do you do if she doesn't do as she's told, send her to the corner for a time out? What if she doesn't stay? You see where I'm leading. Sooner or later you're going to have to turn her over your knee and spank her.

But maybe you know something I don't. Maybe you've developed a more "humane" form of female submission. I guess I'm going to have to read your books to learn how it works.

kristina lloyd said...

*What do you do if she doesn't do as she's told? ... Sooner or later you're going to have to turn her over your knee and spank her.*

But Karl, that's your fantasy, not mine.

Alison Tyler said...

But maybe you know something I don't

I think that's it. Exactly.

But do go read her new book to find out for sure.

kristina lloyd said...

Ooooh, AT shamelessly plugged me. I love it when that happens!

Alison Tyler said...

And AT, three square meals a day? You do that to your characters? My god, you're such a dirty pervert.

All right. It's not always three squares. But the champagne cumtails at the end make up for any lack of protein.

XXX,
AT

Kate Pearce said...

Love feet.

Becks and dirty old men together? eeww-Beck naked and angry and chained up? Yes please!

oh-for the LB post on men in chains-let's not forget Russell Crowe in Gladiator-sigh

Actually, after reading the responses, I've realized there's a heck of a lot of things I wouldn't do or write about!

Great post

Olivia Knight said...

But what do you do if she doesn't do as she's told?

You put her on the naughty step, of course. Sheesh, don't you watch Supernanny? Corporal punishment is so last century...

Alison Tyler said...

I'm embarrassed. Kate, I had the opposite reaction. I read everyone's answers and realized there's not a heck of a lot that I wouldn't do/write about.

I even have a novella on my hard drive called Cream. (No, it's not a coming in champagne story, but I'm much more of a coffee girl than a champagne girl, anyway.)

Kate Pearce said...

Alison-I'm the most boring person in the world...one day I'd like to be as interesting as you :)

Alison Tyler said...

Aw, Kate. That's sweet. You call me interesting, but I think other people might call me this.
XXX,
AT

Mathilde Madden said...

Um, I like submissive men. Chained up and struggling and saying, 'no, no, no...' but, oh, he has this enormous erection.

Or seeing the big taut muscles in his arms as he holds out his wrists for the handcuffs and his breath hitches just a little as he feels the cold of the metal.

Or and whip or a strap and the guy saying, 'Go on, do it. Fucking do it.'

And sometimes I like gimp masks.

Ally said...

This was an awesome post.

Kissing, yes, yes, yes, lots of it. No kissing or swirling of tongues is a deal breaker for me. Golden showers, yes, ok with me and I do pee my pants when I laugh, makes it funnier somehow to me.

Since that posting about Second Life in early October I have been spending more time on IMVU and my avatar and I are having a blast roleplaying. No matter how much a submissive male turns my crank, no masks or rubber balls, that’s just ew for me and would turn me stone cold. Act like a dog all you want, I’ll treat you like one all you want and yes do drink out of your pet bowl, just don’t dress as one, I want to fuck a man not a dog. Oh and I almost forgot, I bought a strap on cock and some secret XXX animated poses from a private developer, they love it (me too). Wow I turned into this raging cyber slut who has a ton of sub men crawling at my feet! I will write about it one day.

Now kiss my feet like a good boy, Ooo yes suck my toes, yum that’s so nice, I even wrote a super short about it on my blog back in July called Toes.

I’m all with you Tilly on the fancy clothes and perfect body, nope not for me, although I must admit I like my men naked and hung (I mean hard). An exception is in IMVU I am a goddess and so very hot. She's my alter ego. :)~

I don't think I can write about female submission, I just tried to in the novel I am working on now, but I ended up turning her around and flipping out on the hero who didn't know she couldn't switch. What a mess that was.

Janine Ashbless said...

Turned into a raging cyber-slut after a Lust Bites post...

I'm so proud.
:-)

Sacchi Green said...

Cumtails? So much more sophisticated than cumpudding. Tapioca plus pissed-off roommate--but it's not my story, so I won't tell it.

I have a hard time writing about humiliation, but if a character demanded it I'd cope. What I can't stand is the bumping (or grinding, for that matter) of teeth during kissing. If I'm reading and grooving right along, the first clash of teeth throws me right out of the moment, and possibly out of the story altogether.

Alison Tyler said...

Um, I like submissive men.

No, really? You, Mat? My world is spinning. i can't believe my ears. i was so sure you were a docile, sub female clad in Christian Louboutins.

The coffee is really kicking in right about now. Stop laughing, KL.

XXX,
AT

kristina lloyd said...

Hahahahaha!

Rich Roast, is it?

Alison Tyler said...

After reading Sacchi's comment, I think Lust Bites should do a cookbook. Featuring champagne cumtails and tapioca cumpudding.

(KL, I'm all pink in the cheeks.)

Jeremy Edwards said...

After reading Sacchi's comment, I think Lust Bites should do a cookbook. Featuring champagne cumtails and tapioca cumpudding.

. . . and Olivia's orgasmic apple pie?

kristina lloyd said...

*Pink*?

That's not what I've heard.

Alison Tyler said...

I forgot my house rule. Never enter a battle of wits with Kristina Lloyd or Jeremy Edwards.

I'll head out now to my favorite cafe now for another *shot in the dark.*

XXX,
AT

kristina lloyd said...

Ha, you win, AT. I can't beat that one.

Oh ... I can't what?

TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

Hey, I never said a word about things I wouldn't do...just things I find it hard to write about.

The two aren't the same. Feet don't excite me (although I suppose an utter lack of them might be somewhat off-putting until I got to know the person), but I've sold foot-fetish stories. Ditto rubber. (I had a girlfriend once with a potentially fatal rubber allergy--kind of killed any latent interest in that fetish!)

And thanks for putting me in the hot tub with Dylan. It's cold here today!

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Alison said, "I'm embarrassed. Kate, I had the opposite reaction. I read everyone's answers and realized there's not a heck of a lot that I wouldn't do/write about."

For me, the acts I mentioned in the post are things that cover both areas, because I just don't understand them. There are any number of acts that I may not particularly be interested in participating in myself, but I pretty much understand the psychology behind, or why other people find them arousing. In which case I think I can believably write about them...

Janine Ashbless said...

I love the diversity shown here today - and that we're okay with that diversity.

The gap between what one finds sexy to write about and what one finds sexy to do is an interesting one, and appears in all sorts of ways. For example:

Unlike several other LBers I find it interesting to write about golden showers. But I don't have any interest in it in my real life: it doesn't disgust me; it just doesn't work.

Only the other hand I find it technically difficult to do vanilla f/f on the page (too many similar orifices, less inherent drama) and thus hard work, but much better in real life.

Aren't humans weird and complex beings?

xxx
Janine

jothemama said...

Karl, I thought Shameless Butt Plug was really funny!

Alison Tyler said...

Unlike several other LBers I find it interesting to write about golden showers.

The very first sexy book I ever read had golden shower scenes all through it. My friends and I found the book on the top shelf in my parents' bedroom. The book was written by an acquaintance of theirs. (God, I actually think his first name was Rod!)

For years, this is what I thought sex was all about: Men peeing on women.

Did I just reveal a tad too much?
XXX,
AT

Ally said...

Aren't humans weird and complex beings?

Thanks Janine, I was beginning to wonder. I'm not alone after all...
I love that everyone here is weird in their own way. Weird is good in my books.

For all the non-weird people.

Anonymous said...

I am not a fan of kissing as well.

Not so much for germs, or because of spit, (although that's part of it.) Tongue doesn't do anything for me and frankly I find mouths gross.

I tend to not get very far with men, because most consider it a steping stone to a more inimate relationship. When, and if, I do find a guy that can understand I don't want to kiss them sometimes end up admitting that it was harder for them without it.

If only I could find someone worth while with similar views.

Alison Tyler said...

Hi anonymous,

Maybe we should start the Lust Bites personals. We could match people by fetishes, or lack thereof.

XXX,
AT