Friday, November 23, 2007

Got Naughty?

Alison Tyler

I don’t even have to ask, do I?

If you’re reading this, if you’re sitting before your computer screen with LustBites bookmarked on your hard drive, then you have to admit to being among the naughty. But don’t worry if your bright red stockings are destined to be filled with coal each year, because naughty is the best way to be.


When you’re naughty, you can leave a few extra buttons undone, revealing a glimpse of bare skin or a bit of racy lingerie. When you’re naughty, you can hold a stranger’s eye for an extra long beat, imparting visions of twisted sex fantasies with your gaze alone. And when you’re naughty, you can plunge yourself into the delicious confections created by the authors in my brand-new anthology Naughty or Nice—all of them just as naughty as you are! Or perhaps even naughtier still.

Naughty & Nice bookcoverWhy do I focus my attention on this holiday? Why did I start with Merry Xxxmas and let the stories spill into a sequel? That’s easy enough to answer, isn’t it? A holiday dedicated to an older man who’ll put me over his lap and tell me that I’ve been a bad girl… God, that’s my daily fantasy, isn’t it? Of course, other writers have a different yuletide take.

Check out Shanna Germain, for instance. Her character might pretend to be a good little girl. At least, at first. But when she goes before her lover who is dressed in drag as Santa, the truth comes out:

“I don’t see you on my good list, though,” Shannon pulled at her beard with one white-gloved hand. “Something tells me you were a bad girl this year.”

“Oh no, Santa, I was…” I didn’t know what to say. Had I been good? And if so, was I going to get whatever I wanted? But if I was bad, then maybe I would have to be punished. I couldn’t decide.

But it didn’t matter, because Shannon was rubbing her gloved hands up my bare thighs. The fabric was soft and silky against my skin, and I imagined her pressing the tips to my clit, rubbing, soaking up my juices. She was whispering in my ear, her beard scratching against my skin. “I think you were a very bad girl, don’t you?”

In “Carol’s Christmas,” Lisette Ashton retells the famed Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Unfortunately, Carol doesn’t learn from the lessons shown to her by the Ghost of Christmas Future. But that doesn’t mean she won’t get what she wants for Christmas:

The menacing darkness of the future vision was powerful. Carol had dabbled with BDSM before but she had never expected to find herself being chained, pierced and secured to stones. The totality of commitment – the dedicated involvement to submissive satisfaction – was more than she had ever thought she would find. More than she had ever dared hope she would find.

Another spasm of euphoria exploded from between her legs.

When she finally blinked the tears of satisfaction from her eyes, she realised the spirit was pointing at the vision’s stone. He didn’t speak. He was strong and silent and incapable of speech. He simply continued to point, quietly instructing her to obey his command and look at the stone.

“Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point,” said Carol, “answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that will be, or are they shadows of things that may be, only?”

The spirit remained still and silent.

The inner muscles of Carol’s sex convulsed in a greedy triumph.

Being naughty can add spice to any relationship, as deliciously displayed in Domic Santi’s humorously sexy “Mulled Wine.”

“Why does your dick taste like mulled wine?”

If Glen and I were monogamous, that would be a problem. Fortunately, we’re not. So I grinned when I looked down at him and said, “I stopped at Jake and Karl’s Christmas party on the way home.”

“Oh, indeed!” Glen leaned forward, once more sucking my dick into his mouth. His short blond curls bobbed against his Santa hat and his blue eyes twinkled up at me. He sucked me long and slowly, like he was drawing the flavor off my skin to differentiate each of the specific tastes. “Cinnamon, clove,” he laughed, pulling back for a moment. “Perhaps a hint of allspice….”

In my opinion, life doesn’t get much naughtier than performing a taste-test for exotic spices on your lover’s cock. And as the Queen of Naughty, I should know.

Now, tell me. What’s on your Xmas list this year? I mean, aside from Elvis.

For a complete list of contributors, go here.


P.S. Comment for a chance to win copies of both Naughty or Nice and Merry XXXmas. says: No night before Christmas is complete without reading from holiday erotica collection Naughty or Nice.


Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Got home from my trip and found my comp copies waiting. Can't wait to whip up a mug of hot chocolate (liberally laced with something alcoholic) and dive in!

Anna Pelletti Modica said...

I enjoyed Merry XXXmas so much I made it my staff pick at work last year. I can't wait to get my hands on Naughty or Nice.

Portia Da Costa said...

Now that's what I call festive fun! Great excerpts there, and I shall have to put both these books on my Christmas list. :)

kristina lloyd said...

Cool! Lots of stories about sucking off Satan!

kristina lloyd said...

Oh, I see. *Santa*.

Olivia Knight said...

If my dress is so short I can't even sway without exposing my bottom, does that make me sufficiently naughty?

Oh damn. Almost forgot. The lustbiters don't get entered. Into the competitions.

Maybe I should try nice. batting eyelids and smiling sychophantically
"Alison, you look amazing, I love that outfit! Can I get you a cup of tea?"

Just Craig said...

Steps to microphone, and dons best Bing Crosby voice
(and with apologies to Irving Berlin)

I’m dreaming of a kink – Christmas
Just like the ones I’ve come to know
Where the dildos glisten
And people listen
To hear rabbits humming low

I’m dreaming of a kink – Christmas
With every handcuff that I clink
May your spankings rush to red from pink
And may all your Christmases be kink

I’m dreaming of a kink – Christmas
With every perfect taste of spice
May you savor every kinky slice
Curled up and reading
Naughty or Nice

I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Olivia Knight said...


Very naughty. Very nice.

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

A holiday dedicated to an older man who’ll put me over his lap and tell me that I’ve been a bad girl…

I don't know what kind of Santa you go to, but I've never seen one who puts girls "over" his lap. I guess I need to read the book in order to grasp the deeper meaning of it all.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Craig, you are a man of many talents.

Do you know "I Saw Mommy Pissing Santa Claus?"

SandDanz said...

What do I want for Christmas?!?!?! Books of course!!! I could also use money, but books are always a great option for me. And as for naughty books... those are my fave!!! *evil grin*

Janine Ashbless said...

Alison, that was fun. I'm a card-carrying goat-buying "Christmas is just a commercial holiday designed to make us buy useless stuff for people who don't need any more crap in their lives" sorta Scrooge, but you might just convert me.

That's an Oxfam goat, by the way. But in tune with the Lust Bites theme, heare are some very pretty condoms too.

Jeremy Edwards said...

I should state that the question mark in my previous comment belongs outside the quotation marks (assuming there was no uncertainty as to what was observed) . . . and that the "I" who "saw Mommy" is a person 18 or older.

[Whaddya know, peoples—my spam word is piplz. You could read it another way, too, I guess.]

Alison Tyler said...


Ta very much for the lively chat! Was up far too late enjoying company and rich food and way too much wine.

Just another Thursday night Chez Tyler?
Um, actually Thanksgiving seems to be spilling into big four-day fiesta.

I think these books are just lovely. Aside from the sizzling content, Cleis did a really sweet job on the layout and the fonts are divine. And if you don't have first book, Cleis is giving a buy-one get one-half off deal as a special holiday sale!


Just Craig said...

I’m not sure, Jeremy. Does it go something like this? (Mommy being in her early 40’s and the narrator being nineteen.)

I saw mommy pissing Santa Claus
Though it might have been a g-spot O
I didn’t really think
Saint Nick delivered kink
I knew different
When I saw her thighs dangle from the sink


TeresaNoelleRoberts said...

And another little ditty...

Bruises blooming on a luscious bottom.
Sex toys lined up by the score.
A dildo harness hanging drying in the bathroom.
Nipples nicely red and sore.

So I'm offering this special wish,
For subs, doms, switches, nillas too...
Although it's been said, many times, many ways,
Pervy Christmas to you!

What I do want for Yule? Experiences. No, not that kind. Okay, that kind...but those are private wishes between me and my nearest and dearest.

My holiday wish list basically boils down to "Contribute to the Teresa and Co. travel fund. Get us out of your hair and we'll come back with lots of fun stories for you."

Ashley Lister said...

This is too tempting.

I've got the contributor's copies sitting on my book shelf, I'm longing to read all the other stories in there, but I'm trying to be good and get a couple of college essays finished.

With temptation like this how can I be anything but naughty?

sinclair said...

can't wait to get my hands on a copy of the new book! love the cover.

my holiday wishlist:

one of those sexy X-shaped chest harnesses that the gay boys wear

a wide flogger

a hard spanking paddle

a solid, thick and short new cock

yeah. that'll do it.

Alana said...

Hi Alison. Thanks so much for the invite. I just had a piece of pumpkin pie for breakfast so I feel nice. :-)

J-Man and Craig, were I to host a Christmas party, you're both invited. XXOO


Donna said...

I got my contributor's copies, too, and "Naughty" really is full of treats--dangerous fruitcakes and "strong-and-silent" Christmas spirits, plus that rockin' Christmas tree dildo in Shanna's story. Where can I get one for all the bad little girls and boys on my list ;-)?

Sacchi Green said...

The part that tickles me most about Christmas--well, one of the parts--is the fact that female reindeer have antlers through the winter, and the males generally don't. So quite likely all of Santa's reindeer are girls.

As someone (identified only as Teresa R.--anybody we know?) commented on, we should have known. Otherwise, how would any of them find their way?

Antlers. Yum. Must check to see if I posted my story "Reindeer Games" on my Live Journal ( last year. If not, I'll do it this year.

And Alison's Yule books sound perfect for a couple of folks on my gift list.

Alison Tyler said...

Oooh Sinclair, I want to be opening presents at your house! And, Alana, where's my pie? Oh, wait. Don't answer that...


Shanna Germain said...

I am giggling all over this morning...between the great songs, the lovely wish lists and the general joy that seems to be flowing like mulled wine around here. Must be post-holiday turkey hormones :)

I've not found a holiday tree dildo, although there is a U-Tube video on how to carve dildos from your Christmas tree (huh? what?). Anyone else found anything? Maybe we should open a new business -- holiday dildos. Trees, santas, stars (ouch?), stockings, elves, candy canes, drumsticks...if you think about it, anything can be stuffable (or stuffed). Wee!

I want a ginger bread man one myself...

:0 s.

Shanna Germain said...

Ok, I lied...I got so caught up in those tree vibrators (they shake the tree itself, apparently. what a waste...although if I stood on it...)

But here's santa, for those who want to welcome him into their, uh, hearth. Actually, I'm at the coffee shop with someone's very small child peering over my shoulder, so I won't post the link. I'll just say that if you search "santa vibrator" you'll find something...

:) s.

ChristyJan said...

Great excerpts.

I want those boots that the pin-up girl in the pictures is wearing. I also want that candy cane!

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

Since you're using her picture (without permission I suspect, you naughty girl) I thought it might be appropriate to mention that the recent film "The Notorious Bettie Page" is actually pretty good. As a movie and as a bit of a cultural study, I think it works. I've considered using it to show to non-kinky friends, as a way of breaking the ice, as it were and as a point of departure for discussions of the virtues of kinkiness. The last time I did something like that, I accidentally wierded out some friends with a showing of David Cronenberg's "Naked Lunch". And at the time I didn't even think of that as a kinky movie. Shows where my "normal" baseline is at.

Madeline Moore said...

Oh Alison, more luscious books from you and Cleis. Plus a bunch of XXXmas carols I can sing to felix for his amusement. Yay.

I think, Ms Tyler, that *you* are the epitome of naughty but and nice.

ps - Here in Canada Thanksgiving is long gone's SNOWING today.

Anne Tourney said...

I was going to post my Xxxmas list, but I can't stop laughing at Kristina's transposition up there ^^.

Now if Sucking off Satan isn't an anthology waiting to happen, I don't know what is.

But seriously, I'd love to have the following for Xxxxmas:

- One of those polished hardwood paddles with fur on one side;
- A guy to spank me with it, who's big enough that I won't break his femur with my body weight when I'm lying across his knee;
- A string of anal beads;
- A Chanel suit to wear my anal beads with;
- All the dirty books I can't win on Lustbites because I don't qualify.

angell said...

WOW - excellent Xmas wishes (I think that this holiday was made for us pervs don't you - because why else is the X there?)

Craig - LOVE the songs. Can you do a whole album? I'll buy at least ten copies!!

Hmmm - what do I want for Xmas? A new lover that knows what they're doing - male/female makes no difference to me. And a few new toys and books so that I can keep warm through the cold Canadian winter.

But, barring that, I'd like this STUPID WRITERS BLOCK TO GO AWAY.

rlr260 said...

Oh my! I'm a little warm after seeing the Elvis video! Did anyone else want to be that tissue lint? Congratulations on the new anthology. I know any collection with the "edited by Alison Tyler" tag line is going to be a hot read!

tetewa said...

I would love to be able to read some Holiday erotica for Christmas!

Madelynne Ellis said...

Looks like a great stocking filler, Alison.

Murray Suid said...

Naughty or Nice" provides a delightful antidote to all those Santized Clauses who crowd the landscape.

Thanks, Alison.

Alison Tyler said...

Did anyone else want to be that tissue lint?

Yes! Me! Or maybe the black leather suit. Or the wrist cuffs. God, I mean clearly he was hot. But he was also so hot. But my favorite part is that he's forgotten the words to what he says is his favorite Christmas song. Gotta love that.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Elvis video. Doesn't he sound black
while he looks white? I forgot how hot he was
and how I loved him when I was 14.

Lucy Felthouse said...

How wonderful to be amongst the naughty ;) I relish being naughty.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to write some filth! x

Melissa Heywood said...

I must say that the naughty little dittys are fab! Keep 'em coming!

Oooh! And I would love to read Naughty or Nice this Xmas. Sounds like the perfect 'kink-me-up' this holiday season!

Jadie Baby said...

I'm new to all this and just really discovering the inner naughty me shall we say!!! But I think this is fantastic and thank you so much for opening up a whole new world where I am sure I will learn many things. I can't wait!


Sue A. said...

I love the comments almost as much as the original post. I hoping this naughty bunch finds something more than coal in their stockings. Something that allows you all to continue to be naughty.

EllaRegina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EllaRegina said...

Merry doings, indeed -- a book to surely engorge any sized stocking!

Perhaps next year there can be a complementary volume reflecting simultaneous seasonal celebrations:

The trimming of an overgrown "Chanukah Bush," vibrating dreidels, naughty Festivus pole dancing and a new way of looking at the fresh fruit of Kwanzaa!