Monday, December 1, 2008

Our David

By Mathilde Madden and Kristina Lloyd of Erotica Cover Watch

This is the story of how we - Kristina Lloyd and Mathilde Madden - met. It might look like a whole bunch of hot pictures of David Beckham, but it really is an origin story.

Um, anyway...

Once upon a time, Lust Bites was in full swing and Mat was doing her regular Coming Attractions Sunday preview of the week's new articles. As usual, she posted a gratuitous hot man pic at the top of the post. She rifled through a favourite set – a set that just happened to be the favourite of her character, Imogen, from her first novel Peep Show - and chose this.

Kristina Lloyd was writing her novella, The Vampire's Heart, for the novella collection also called Lust Bites (confusing we know – pay attention) in which Mat was also appearing with her vampy story, Under Her Skin. Kristina took one look at the pic Mat had posted and realised it was the exact image she'd had in mind when she'd created her lead vampire, Billy.

Clearly the stars had aligned. We bonded over Beckham, discovered we lived round the corner from each other – and the rest is erotica-book-cover crusading history.

These days we write Erotica Cover Watch, a blog designed to highlight the lack of images of men on the covers of erotic books. Every week, we kick off with Man Candy Monday, offering a delicious pic of a sexy guy to illustrate the kind of thing we – as straight women - would like to see featured on smutty books rather than the ubiquitous image of a woman in her skimpies.

We are the two writers who once almost broke Lust Bites (the blog) by trying to post 200 men for the 200th post and today we've done a Massive Man Candy Monday for Lust Bites' last week. And because David Beckham introduced us right here on this very blog, we made him our official mascot on Erotica Cover Watch. And so for your delight (um, and ours), we bring you The Mega Becks Man Candy Monday.


(Could somebody please mop up Kate Pearce? I think she melted.)

And the great thing about David – he has something for everyone. You want long blond hair? Skinhead? Dirty squaddie? Tweedy gent? Sweat and dirt-smeared boxer? Latter day Jesus Christ? But why am I still talking....?

In fact this set, brilliantly, contained a favourite for Kristina, where David looks like a mean-hearted pimp.

And one for Mat where he looks like an upmarket rent boy.

Apparently he also plays football or something ...

(Keep your eye on the ball.)

Check out more Beckham today on Erotica Cover Watch's Man Candy Monday. And don't forget to comment and tell us which pic is your favourite or even post one yourself - a last bite for Lust Bites.

Gonna miss this place!

Mat and Kristina


Neve Black said...

Wow! I think that phrase translates in every language.

Thank you -

Kate Pearce said...

Thank have made my week complete and it's only Sunday night here :)
I LOVE David Beckham...
Now I'm going back to drool over these pictures a few hundred times...

Madelynne Ellis said...

I still don't get it. He does absolutely nothing for me.

Erastes said...

I can see the pretty, and the way the camera loves him, but I don't know why it doesn't affect me! *annoyed*

kalafudra said...

I'm with Erastes on this one. But can I pretend that the last pic isn't him? :)

kristina lloyd said...

Stop picking on him! He's beautiful and we don't let him out very often.

Being ECW's mascot isn't as easy as it might look. Because we think it's important that David fully understands our sexualities. So Mat chains him up and does lots of mean horrid things to him and then, when he's all angry and brutish, he breaks free and does lots of mean horrid things to me.

We let him watch football on Wednesday evenings - but only on the little telly. He never mentions his wife.

Olivia Knight said...

My Beckham breakthrough was when I saw him sleeping and went into quiet awe over this beautiful man - not having recognised him. (I'm well-up on popular culture, me.) I think both football and Victoria Beckham are both such anaphrodisiacs to me that it took me not recognising him to recognise his beauty.

This one helps explain, too - I think.

And in case you missed it, here's David in the Lust Bites dungeon. (We're next door to BICEPS, so it's easy to share the dungeon.)

Janine Ashbless said...

He is beautiful. But he leaves me cold. Unlike Julian Sands in the sidebar there... Now there's sneery and cruel!

No accounting for tastes, eh?

BTW here's the celeb willy I promised.

Janine Ashbless said...

I would like to thank Kristina and Mathilde for turning me on to the erotic potential of guys with shaven heads. I used to have such a thing about long hair that anything else was a total blank spot to me. See how my horizons have been broadened!

Although it still freaks me out if they look too much like Adam

Mathilde Madden said...

Yay! Great post! Well done us.

For me one of the main reasons to love David is the things that mean in real life we wouldn't get on. I mean - football! That voice! (I don't actually mind Victoria I think she's a lot smarter and funnier than people give her credit for. Anyone who uses Hadley Freeman as a ghost writer is fine by me.) I like lusting after David pics knowing I have no interest in the actual person. Kerazy.

What KL didn't mention is that we are writing (and by writing I mean pretending to be writing) a joint novel* 'David's Feeling Grumpy' all about David's life in our dungeon constantly being made to feel grumpy by me** and then taking it out on KL.

*We were inspired by Dayle and Teresa's post on how to co-write and thought maybe we could team up as a kind of porno panto horse.

**Dwarf jokes at your discretion. I'd advise not though, frankly.

Olivia Knight said...

They're evangelical pornsters, aren't they Janine? Do you think we've tuned them into the erotic potential of dragons, yet? Delusions of (ancient) grandeur? Invisible lovers?

Olivia Knight said...

P.S. AAAAARGHHHHHHH I can't resist it any longer!

all the dwarves were in the bath feeling happy so happy got out

and the less said about the rose fingered dawn the better

I'm so ashamed. But I couldn't stop myself.

Janine Ashbless said...

I so want to read David's Feeling Grumpy!

Nikki Magennis said...

Oh god, I am next in line to read 'David's feeling grumpy' - and I want to see the porno panto too!

(Put me down as one of the immune-to-David types though. I'll have that one with the eyebrows instead, please. Wossisname? George Best, is it?)

kristina lloyd said...

Maybe Adam will commission DFG! Or maybe we should self-publish and spend years 'researching' a cover image.

And Olivia, I very much liked Janine's dragon wank short in Cruel Enchantments. I think Lust Bites has changed us all in ways we could never have foreseen. Because I certainly didn't see that one coming.

(Sorry! Cannot resist the terrible jokes either.)

Mathilde Madden said...

Nikki I am celebrating a heavily eyebrowed footballer on my blog today. Not George - but a nice looker nonetheless.

Dragon wank = awesome. Yes.

KL making the world understand the attraction of female submission by showing it endless dirty pictures of hot men = also awesome.

Oh Lust Bites can't end. You're all just going to tunnel through into the Cover Watch basement, yes? It's surprisingly warm in there.

I think David's Feeling Grumpy now officially has cult status. And not a word actually written.

Nikki Magennis said...

Mmm, Cantona, Mat, - warmer, warmer. But look -

Look at those arms!

'Tanned and hairy and young and lovely, the boy from ...

... shit, what rhymes with Ipanema?'

Deanna said...

Help - just fallen off my crutches.

Now I'm going to have to go and lie down.

Madeline Moore said...

Nikki - enema? Or are we not going there today?

Jezus, we've had such lovely pics lately on LB. Maybe we decision is made.

I've joined Man Candy Monday with a hot dude on my blog. I think I'm becoming a 'athlete's thighs' person. I mean, they have these muscles there that I don't have and neither do most regular joes...and I like those muscles.
I guess they're really the leg version of biceps...which reminds is Man Candy Monday on BICEPS. What'm I doin' here? Oh yeah, I remember now...looking at pics Mat and Kristina put together for our viewing pleasure. I'm all confused and silly...I need a big athlete guy to come and make me smarten up!
or dumb down! Either will do, thank you.

xoxo - our last Monday...this is actually harder than I thought...

oh and not a dwarf joke but you do all remember that, due to my total lack of peripheral vision, I once fell over a dwarf at an intersection, don't you?

He wasn't impressed.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Nikki, could you get away with the boy from Ms. Kristina, till a better rhyme came along? Or are approximate rhymes for Ipanema anathema to you?

kristina lloyd said...

I made us a book cover!

David's Feeling Grumpy

Madeline Moore said...

I love it! Kristina and Mat, please send me ten copies to stuff stockings with (I'll hang pantyhose and get two copies, one in each leg)

Kate Pearce said...


is it okay if I just c & p the cover instead???

kristina lloyd said...

Stuff and paste away!

Meanwhile, I'm eagerly anticipating Dragons' Dicks, co-written by Olivia and Janine.

Olivia Knight said...

Actually, we're planning a three-book deal - titles to be Dragons Are Hot, More Hot Dragons, and Fucking Hot Dragons.

Janine Ashbless said...

Feel free to imagine the covers.

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Can I just point out the shorties? They are just awesome and very erotic. I liked them most out of this post.

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