Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Crush Wednesday: Little Beards

by Janine Ashbless

Today I want to talk about one of my favourite kinks, as illustrated above. Magnificent, isn’t it? Not too big, not too weedy…

I mean the beard of course. YOU ARE LOOKING AT HIS FACE, AREN’T YOU? Honestly, some people just can’t concentrate…

Anyone who knows me knows I have a Thing for beards. Not big bushy beards. Less is more. Something like this, say.

That scratchy, unshaven look says "I just rolled into my clothes and I haven’t time to shave because I’m off to Defeat the Powers of Evil/Paint the Sistine Chapel/Save the Whales. Something really important anyway, and definitely not data entry for an accountancy firm. When I get back I’ll be exhausted and traumatised and will make desperate semi-conscious love to you before passing out in your arms."

I mean, cocks are good, don’t get me wrong. I love them. But a cock is a cock is a cock – while a good beard ‘n’ hair combo will have me falling on the floor clawing the carpet.
Of course it doesn’t work for everyone. And it can’t work miracles. It won’t make an ugly face handsome. But it will give definition to a bland one, shape to a slightly plump one. And it’ll make a good looking man so hot I won’t be able to take my eyes off him. I’m really fixated on the goatee (or anchor) - that little beard that just frames the mouth. The Evil Beard, as worn by pretentious poets, intergalactic villains and pantomime baddies since time began. You could embarrass me by pointing out how Freudian this is. I mean, a little beard really mimics the shape of neatly-trimmed pubic hair…

But I’m afraid it’s worse than that. Much darker.

Evil Beard Man is my Shadow. Evil Beard Man is the leather-clad fascist in my right-on liberal heart. He is the Bad Boy that offers what I really want in my darkest dreams – not the shaven-headed thuggish dimwit badboy of so many people’s fantasies, but the Evil Genius. The one who takes the responsibility for doing very bad things indeed.

This beard says "I am Evil and a cleverclogs. I have seized control of your puny planet and now I will remake it in my image, purging it of the dull, the tawdry, the scum. I shall utterly destroy the thick, the unimaginative, the wilfully undereducated, the religious fundamentalists, the Chavs, the reality TV contestants, the Daily Mail readers, the teenage gangstas, the liars, the fashionistas, the shallow and foolish and worthless of the world. But you, Janine – you will serve me. You will wear a black corset and thigh-length boots and cater to my insatiable sexual urges and help me eliminate those unworthy to live. Place your finger on the trigger, Janine: we will begin with All Those Who Drop Litter and move on to Those Who Only Write in Text Language …"

But enough of my fantasies.

Herewith I enclose a selection of little beards and assorted facial hair. You may find some amusement in spotting which geek sources they come from. As you can see, for me the Platonic Ideal of Masculinity lies somewhere between Jesus and Satan. In, ha ha, oh so many ways…

Janine Ashbless


Megan Kerr said...


I haven't even had my morning coffee yet! Trying to recover from the shock Studied the torso of the first man and speculated on the possible attraction of little beards, pressed "page down" - screenful of cock. I think it was the creased balls that really caught me unawares, actually.

Erm, yes - pass the smelling salts... I'll be back later when I've recovered. And finished my coffee. (Nice pic, though - works better as all one pic than two halves, in the end)

Janine Ashbless said...

I think the creases are rather sweet...

Anonymous said...

Beards are okay - I prefer some scrapy stubble to the full hairy monty. But, for some reason, I love, love, *love* this post!

Hot fuzz!

Portia Da Costa said...

Was there a cock? I never noticed... I was looking at the beards!

What happened to Major Hathaway? :(

Megan Kerr said...

The Aragorn-style scraggle appeals to me - but I'm not so sure about those 'soul patches', where it looks like a man has stapled a mouse-scalp to his lower lip. Somewhere there are a lot of resentful mice wearing wigs and they will have their revenge.

Janine Ashbless said...

Portia - please forgive me. Major Hathaway didn't make the final cut (along with a certain Jedi master played by Liam Neeson, so he's in good company). But you should put a link to a full-sized pic of him.

Janine Ashbless said...

Oh look, a Soul Patch

The mice are coming for him...

Kristina Lloyd said...

Well, good morning! Who needs coffee?

Goatees get my vote - though they mustn't look too crafted. Ditto stubble. Oh, and stubbly heads as well. Because, yup, I love those irresponsible shaven-headed thugs. So if you see any, Janine, send 'em my way!

Great post! I'm going to do one on amrmpits in a few weeks. Someone should do one on pubes. Hey, we could build an entire man!

Janine Ashbless said...

Nothing to do with beards but - Look! Look! the first internet glimpse of Bound in Skin!

This collection, with my novella in the title slot, isn't due out till December - but once I've got my author copies I'll do a giveaway.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Hey, we could build an entire man!

Yeah, I saw the advert:

Coming for Christmas!
Bride of Lust Bites Monster Woman

Alison Tyler said...

I'm with Mat on this—I do like that scrapy stubble. 5 o'clock shadow, three-day growth. Mmmm.

But look. Look what I found!


Deanna said...

Love them. I so agree they make most guys look sexy.

Although my other half had one and I made him shave it off because it tickled when he....I'm not saying another word.

Anonymous said...

Well, good morning and thank you for such lovely images.

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that you and I both have a thing for Eeeevil Geniuses.

My darling husband (who is an Evil Genius at heart, I think) has a neat little beard with a lovely patch of white in it and I adore it. (It's also a godsend because he has beautiful eyes, a roguish smile...and a round face that, without the beard, would look just too boyish.)

Teresa (too lazy to log in)

Gwen Masters said...

Scruff does wonderful things for me. I love stubble burns, especially on the inside of my thighs.

I'm clicking down through the post wondering how that one would feel...and that one...and oh, definitely that one...

Happy morning!

Sommer Marsden said...

My god! I tried to look at his face. I swear it.

I am into even LESS than less is more. Stubble. Any longer than stubble and forget it. But stubbly, scratchy jaws...Mmm. Yes. Good stuff. Good morning. I've had my morning cock. Now must have my cuppa...fanning self.

Nikki Magennis said...

Sweet Jesus, Janine!

What a nice surprise to heat up a cold morning.

Something about this beard tickles me.

(Though I can't imagine wanting Willie Nelson's face between my legs for the rest of my life. Maybe that's just me.)

Ally said...


It won’t make an ugly face handsome.

Haha Janine, great post.

I remember crying for over a week for my daddy to come home after he shaved his beard off and I saw his face for the first time. I wouldn't believe it was him and I had a tantrum everytime he tried to come near me.

Were the heck are you finding your men? My husband made the fatal mistake of shaving off his moustache, just once in 17 years, it took a lot longer for me to get hot for him even long after he grew it back, ew, all I could think of was how gross he looked without it. Hissing...Sssss

I love facial hair, doesn't have to be trimmed, although I agree it is more appealing. Oh and thanks for the Scott Elrod tease.
Can't Forget Johnny, no, no, no.
Shemar All Wet and Slippery!
Jared looks screwed up enough to screw. Ya think he killed the elephant?
Patrick McDreamy Dempsey
McDreamy and McSteamy Smut Poetry by Ally and Paul

Janine Ashbless said...
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Janine Ashbless said...

Ayee! Willie Nelson!
Didn't know whether to laugh or scream! That would so put one off going down, surely!

Loved the greying "beard" though. Pubic hair does go grey, doesn't it? I've not seen such in the flesh, yet. Do we end up dying our snatches too?

Janine Ashbless said...

Thanks for the extra pics Ally - with you all the way on those.

The balls remind me very strongly of someone I once knew, ahem.

Ally said...

If I were you I would have wanted to know him twice!

PS... Alison, Look Johnnys wearing your candy hearts.

t'Sade said...

Mmm, lovely beards. Don't care for the patches, but I have to agree on the Aragon stuff. Yummy.

Another Poor Freelance Writer said...

Cross my heart, Janine, I didn't even see the willy until I'd spent at least five ravished minutes gazing at that goatee.

(Although I do love that half-mast, lolling, lazy look in a penis.)

I have to agree with Gwen "Sex Injuries" Masters -- there's nothing like stubble burn on the inner thighs. And breasts. And the small of your back. And anywhere else I can think of.

When I was a teenager, my father had a colleague who was bald with a salt-and-pepper goatee. I wanted him. Bad. But I didn't know why until now -- he was Evil Beard Man.

Imp said...

My partner is planning to shave his beard for an upcoming gig. I'm dreading it -- big time. Not just because of how it LOOKS -- but because of how it FEELS. *le sigh*

Yummy post!

Madeline Moore said...

Sorry, no Evil Beard man for me, and no soul patches. As a few others have mentioned in their comments, that five o'clock shadow -to - 3 day stubble thing is sexy, on an already sexy guy, but other than that, nyet.

Ah well, we can't all have the same fetish or it wouldn't be a fetish, it would be normal, right? And then where would we be? Touted for our mainstream prose, that's where!

But it's a lovely post, Janine, and I've enjoyed it immensely.

I like a nice clean shaven face. It shows he cares, in my opinion. Even when I gaze upon pictures of Johnny D, a little part of me moans 'Oh God when will he get rid of all that scrappy crappy hair?' On his face, of course, not his gorgeous black falling locks.

For the kind of scruff I like, look no further than - Portia, I know you can guess - Vincent! Oh! I dreampt Vinnie and I were necking.
If there is a God, he will grant me THAT as my recurring dream, instead of the 'Grade 12 exams? But I thought - I - I thought I had a degree already...?'

As for pubic hair, Janine, I have HEARD that it does indeed go grey and then...this is bad so gird your loins...then it becomes sparse and finally it's all gone. Bare down there whether you like it or not.
Merkin time. Which reminds me, how come we never say nothin' about 'The L Word'. I have enjoyed the show for a few years now, even wrote the producer offering to move to Vancouver if she needed a new writer...and then, just the other day, I decided not to watch it because I was too tired, but as ten o'clock rolled around I discovered I could NOT not watch it. Yes, addicted to 'The L Word'.

And don't get me wrong about the Evil Man. I too love the Evil Man, but to me, the really really Evil Man is the clean-shaven bright blue eyed 'cute' guy...hiding his evilness under the disguise of a civilized nice guy. Brrrrrrr... I guess it's the element of surprise that turns my crank.

Yeah, I'm feeling much better thanks, how did you know? The first fourteen day cold of the season has come and gone and Madeline Moore is BACK! Yakking on the LB blog to try and quell the shaking in the boots that the signed contract for January 25 delivery has instigated. Jan 25? Isn't that, like, not that far away? Gotta go! Thanks for the great post, Janine.

Unknown said...

Can we go back to building a whole man on LustBites? Cause I love mens backs, and shoulders, and the little pocket above a well built man's ass. Kissable. Mmmmm.....

Ahem. Sorry. This post is about hair. And hair should have NOTHING to do with a man's back thank you.

Great post. I am not all for actual hair, I do love the stubble. In fact there was much teasing over the main character in my new book because he is a vampire, therefore eternally stubbled. So there was much use of his chin and jaw in every scene I wrote. Yup, sign me up for the stubble squad.


Alison Tyler said...

sign me up for the stubble squad

I love it.

And look!

It's amazing I get anything done, isn't it?


Unknown said...

How could you?

I love love love this post because I love those little beards too, the scratch of stubble, the feel of that rough textured hair against my fingers and um maybe even other places.
yes please!

just a thought-I wonder how many of the people who like the small beardy look had fathers who had beards? just askin'
I know I did...

Angell said...

SIGH - nice assortments, and I TOTALLY agree with you....

LOVE VIGGO - sigh - gorgeous....

Ok, going for my cold shower again (should just have them install one here for me...)

Unknown said...

I do like that fine hair between heaven and hell! Fab post!!

Stacy S said...

You guys have the best pictures!! My husband has a beard. I don't like a full bushy one though. A little rough on the skin.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Definitely depends on the guy for me. Some look great with facial hair, some look ridiculous. My husband looks wrong without it (it helps define the shape of his face or something), but Lawrence just looked stupid with it.

But I have a question: Why are all the men in the pictures brunettes? Is that author's choice, or do blondes not look as good with facial hair?

Jeremy Edwards said...

Lawrence just looked stupid with it

D. H. ... or Gertrude?

Janine Ashbless said...

Why are all the men in the pictures brunettes? Is that author's choice, or do blondes not look as good with facial hair?

Um ... there is one blond guy in there I think. And Derren Brown is actually ginger, isn't he (and SO Evil!). I also think if you're blonde you are less likely to deliberately grow stubble because no one notices. So there are less blonds to pick from.

But, yep, I like dark hair. It's a fair cop!

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

Scruffy anyone?

And remember, Thursdays at Vamp Smut are "Eye Candy Thursdays." There are some good ones this week too.


Anonymous said...

Darren Brown, Johhny Depp, Viggo...*Sigh* All men to make a girl drool but as much as I like the look I can't stand to kiss (or anything else) with a man who has a beard. It er...tickles too much!

Wonderful pic to start off the post though but who cares about looking at a mans beard when he has *that* packaged away in his trousers!

Elfsinger said...
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Elfsinger said...
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Elfsinger said...
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Elfsinger said...

Right...sorry about that but each link just was totally wrong. Got it sorted now - must be 'confussled' by Janine's SUPERB post and fingers all jammed up on the keys!

Deanne said, "Although my other half had one and I made him shave it off because it tickled when he....I'm not saying another word." But, Deanne...that's the BEST BIT! My man is honour bound not to shave his beard off on pain of death (or divorce, whichever is less messy!)

So, because I thought there wasn't enough nice male hair totty on here, I just had to include my 5 penneth.
So, proudly presenting, from my precious smorgasbord...let me introduce...*roll of drums*

The Voice of Dark Melted Chocolate - Placido Domingo

My favourite muskateer - Oliver Reed

Ya can wave that sword at me anytime!

Mustachio'd Julian Barrett from Mighty Boosh

No house should be without a beard!

Janine Ashbless said...

All those Musketeers remind me that I saw Richard Chamberlain in "The Count of Monte Christo" yesterday and I could have included him too. Grey hair, sandy goatee, very tight trousers.

Oh well, can't get them all.

Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Lawrence just looked stupid with it

D. H. ... or Gertrude?


Dee said...

This post ... this is the most beautiful post I have read all day! I've long had a serious kink for bearded men - my husband and my lover are both bearded - and this page was just delicious :)

Seriously - thank you! I'll be in my bunk ...

xx Dee