In the Future, All Women Will Be Hotter

by Dayle A. Dermatis and Teresa Noelle Roberts (aka Sophie Mouette)

Dayle: Last week we talked about how in the future, it seems, all men will be hotter—at least, according to science fiction movies and TV. But it’s not just the men…check out all those hot women in formfitting futuristic outfits, carrying ray guns they know damn well how to use! They often get to be the captains, the leaders, the rebels, the ones in charge of not only themselves and their own destinies, but of spaceships, armies, and even planets.

Science fiction has always been a place for women to shine—it’s long been a venue for writers to explore strong women, women’s equality, etc. Future women were often in jobs far beyond what a current woman could reasonably expect. Uhura in the original Star Trek series may have not had a lot to do other than say “They’re hailing us,” but she was on the bridge, and that was a big step back then (not to mention she was black—but that’s another topic of discussion entirely).

I remember being impressed by—and kind of wanting to be—Princess Leia when I saw the first Star Wars as a wee lass. She was beautiful, powerful, strong, got to wield a gun (quite capably, I might add), and she had the most wonderful ability for wit and sarcasm even in the direst of moments.

To me, that was a lot sexier than the stupid bronze bikini and being chained to a giant slug. Chains, yes. Giant slugs…ew!

Teresa: It’s not that other genres don’t have strong women who can handle themselves in a dangerous situation. But often, these characters face conflicts that grow of out being a woman in a male-dominated field. The tough women of science fiction have their own set of clichés (among other things, that they’re unusually beautiful!) but our heroines aren’t the only female officers/commanders/space pirates/rebels/whatever in their worlds—just the ones the story focuses on. It’s refreshing, and it can, in the hands of good script writers, allow them to become more complex characters.

Take one of my major SF female crushes, Commander Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5. She’s one of many female Earthforce officers, and no one on the series makes a big deal of her gender. She’s a sexual being (a bisexual being, even, although alas there aren’t any girl-kisses), and she looks good in her uniform, but that’s only part of what she is. She’s a loyal military officer who ends up rebelling against a corrupt government, a daughter with a complicated relationship with her parents, a Russian Jew with a strong ethnic identity in a future when ethnic identity is often downplayed, and a warrior capable of not just kicking butt, but delivering almost Biblical rants while she does.

Gotta give props to Babylon 5 as well for a character who breaks a lot of the science-fiction-woman cliches. Delenn, the Mimbari diplomat whose romance with a human shakes both cultures, isn’t stereotypically hot. Her bony head ridges, loose-fitting clothes, and serious, scholarly demeanor are about as far from Captain Kirk’s alien’s babes or even butt-kicking-but-conventionally-beautiful Ivanova as you can get. The viewer falls for her as gradually as her human partner does, drawn in by her character instead of her beauty…and much as I like beautiful women, that’s pretty cool.

But this was supposed to be about crushes, and I have so many of them! Firefly offers a rich field to choose from. Perky, curvy Kaylee and sultry philosopher/courtesan Inara are each appealing in their own way, and River, despite being underage, underweight, and spooky, moves like a goddess (especially in the fight scenes in Serenity).

But I harbor a weakness for Zoë. The combination of gun-blazing heroics, snarky common sense, and well-drawn relationships with her husband and her PTSD-ridden captain win me over. Okay, the bitchin’ body and tight leather clothes don’t hurt. And seductive criminal Saffron (or whatever her name really is) can dazzle me with her breasts and drug me with her lipstick anytime, thanks!

Claudia Black as Farscape’s renegade Peacekeeper Aeryn Sun is smoking. But I also liked Farscape’s roguish, gray-skinned Chiana.

Apparently I have a thing for heroic women with big guns and leather pants (or well-tailored uniforms) and an almost equal yen for bad girls, good heart optional. Which makes me wonder why I’ve been neither robbed blind nor dragged into the wrong kind of undercover operation by any of my past girlfriends.

And then there are a few crushes that my partner-in-future-lust shares with me and will cover below: Janeway and Starbuck!

Dayle: Definite agreement on Zoë; Gina Torres was gorgeous and scary on Angel, fabulous in her smaller role on Alias, and I’ve got Cleopatra 2525 in my Netflix queue even though I’m sure it will be appallingly bad. (I’ll watch appallingly bad for the right actors!)

More of my official SF women crushes:

Star Trek gave me some goods ones: Dax on Deep Space 9 (gimme that lesbian kiss, baybee!) and Janeway on Voyager (finally, a female captain! plus I’ve had a crush on Kate Mulgrew since I was a kid.) I even have a certain fondness for Counselor Troi, even if she had the worst lines on the show.

In hindsight, Maya on Space: 1999 was a crush of mine long before I understood about crushes on women.
Who doesn’t love the new Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica (not to mention President Roslin, Boomer, Number Six, Dualla, Admiral Cain, D’anna…I think I have to lie down now)? Tortured and possibly brought back from the dead, she may be the first crush I’ve ever had on a blonde woman. It must be her triceps.

::Teresa nods in agreement about President Roslin. Let’s hear it for smart, attractive, mature women!::

But speaking of both Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica, let’s talk actress Michelle Forbes. First she was the sexiest Bajoran ev-ar, then she was the sexiest dark and conflicted commander of the Pegasus. Yay!

Gwen on Torchwood. I think I love her especially much because if this were a US show, they never would have cast someone with a gap between her front teeth and thighs bigger than toothpicks—and those are two of the things that make Gwen gorgeous, along with that incredible thick, dark hair and her fantastic smile. Over on the Doctor Who side of things, I’m sorry, but Rose was just too goofy and annoying for me. But Miss Martha Jones! Smart, dedicated, loyal, quick-thinking, and a classy dresser to boot—and she helps save the world.

Any role played by Claudia Black. ::Teresa, her eyes glassy, is nodding in agreement and rummaging for her ray-gun-shaped vibrator.:: I mean, it just wasn’t worth watching Pitch Black after…oops, wait, that’s a spoiler. Ya’ll will spank me if I give away spoilers. ::pauses to consider that again::

You know, when it comes to women, I do have a type, but it’s not like my bad-boy crushes on men. No, I seem to like my womenfolk with dark hair and pale eyes and fierce intelligence and wit. I admit it: It’s more physical than anything else. I like girls, and I like hot sexy girls in leather.

What about you, faithful readers? What makes the women of the future hotter?

In the Future, All Men Will Be Hotter

Dayle: So Teresa and I were chatting one day, and we realized that most of our media crushes involved science fiction (well, for me, that’s along with musicians). The more we talked about it, the more people we came up with. Will it really be true, we wondered, that in the future all men will be hotter?

Is it the ray guns? The form-fitting futuristic material? The phallic-shaped rocket ships?

Teresa: I think it’s because so many of the hot men of science fiction are intriguing rebels—whether literally, like Han Solo or Firefly’s sexy, brown-coated buckers of authority, or the Captain-Kirk types who are willing to flout the rules to do the right thing (or to help them get into the cute green-skinned chick’s miniskirt).

Though the outfits do help.

Dayle: We also realized that while we agreed on some of our future men, we were clearly divided on many of them…which led to the realization that even in the future, we’d still fall for the same type we each do today.

Although I was young enough when the original Star Wars came out that I was all about Luke, by the time The Empire Strikes Back hit, I’d firmly landed on the side of bad boys. Oh, give me Han Solo’s cheeky grin, his never-ending supply of witty rejoinders, his questionable moral turpitude. (Teresa adds: You can’t have all of Han Solo. You must share with your sister in erotica-writing!)

I tumbled right from there into the arms of Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica series. (Not literally, but certainly in my adolescent fantasies, because I wrote appallingly bad Mary Sue fan fiction about him.) Was it his tight pants? The wicked twinkle in his eye? His willingness to fall into bed with just about any woman? His ever-present, phallic-shaped cigar?

Star Trek was brimming with eligible hotties, no matter which version of the show you’re talking about. Keeping in line with my preferences, let’s talk about good ol’ Trip from Enterprise. Oh, that Southern accent. Oh, that nearly naked body. Come to think of it, he and Cap’n Tightpants (okay, okay, Captain Mal Reynolds) of Firefly were cut from the same mold, weren’t they?

Then there’s the most recent incarnation of Doctor Who, played with manic cheekiness by David Tennant. He just needs someone who’ll match him wit for wit, and I’d like to think I’m up to the task. Hey, you smart, cute bad boy, come over here and gimme some. (This is where Teresa and I clearly diverge—and she’ll explain just why Christopher Eccleston dampens her panties instead.)

And what were these wicked lads doing if not preparing me for the ultimate future bad boy, Captain Jack Harkness? (S’cuse me while I fan myself.) Dimpled, nattily dressed, omnisexual and proud of it, Captain Jack fulfills just about anyone’s fantasy, doesn’t he?



Teresa: No argument on most of Dayle’s choices, especially Cap’n Tightpants and Captain Jack Harkness. [We pause while she drools quietly into her keyboard, considering some cross-over universe where they meet and pull off wild capers and then have hot man-sex.]

Then again, I’m hot for most of the men of Firefly. Brilliant, conflicted Simon, with his pretty white skin and his endearing shyness and his stubborn strength; big, dumb Jayne with his big guns, his big muscles, his big mouth, and his surprisingly big heart; and charmingly quirky Wash could have special places in my bed were they only real. (Well, maybe not Wash. Not unless Zoë wanted to play too, because otherwise she’d kill me.) Both Simon and Wash remind me of the eccentric “Is he a genius or a nutbar or both?” guys in my life, only larger than life and having a chance to show off how heroic and sexy geeks can be.

And Jayne? Well, my fantasies about him involve a ball gag, because I don’t cope well with stupid, but there’s something about the dangerous way he moves, and the way he plays with that knife of his… [Ponders whether one can be the dom while gagged.]

Babylon 5’s Captain Sheridan reminded me of my evil ex, from the red hair to the self-righteousness. But I found love among the aliens: Narn rebel leader and bad-boy mystic G’Kar. He’s slightly lizard-like, which is kinky even for me, but talk about an intriguing personality: rogue and saint, warrior and diplomat, part-time villain and part-time Christ figure. I like complicated.

And I bet he’d be fun in bed, despite the lizardy look. Or maybe because of it. Ponder the length and agility of the lizard tongue.

As for Doctor Who, I enjoy David Tennant’s Doctor. He’s adorable and funny, yet intense when he needs to be, and he looks like he belongs in a New Wave band. I can understand why Dayle’s hot for him. But he doesn’t get me in the groin.

Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor is the one who makes my panties pound. Maybe it’s the leather jacket, or the fact that he’s craggier and more worn around the edges. Or maybe it’s the darkness, the weight of time under his good humor. (Tennant’s Doctor shows that side too, but it’s harder to buy it with his boyish face.)

Or more to the erotic point: David Tennant’s Doctor would tie you and threaten you with Dire Things, and spank you a few times before you both cracked up, and you’d have a great time. Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor would tie you up and threaten you with Dire Things and you might wonder if he actually meant them, or if he’d ever untie you. And you’d have a different, scarier, and more interesting (to me) great time.

Dayle: [Who has dragged herself back from watching appropriate SF DVDs with her rocket-ship-shaped vibrator.] Come on, we know some of you are SF geeks at heart. Tell us who you want to meet in a dark spaceship corridor with an alien probe just for you…

And tune in next week when we follow up with Crush Wednesday: In the Future, All Women Will Be Hotter!