Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Crush Wednesday: skinny boys

Picture it: bulging biceps, broad shoulders, muscular thighs, a square jaw, large powerful hands. I glance up from my coffee-table, yawn, and return to filling in my tax forms. ‘Manly’ bores me. ‘Rugged’ leaves me stone cold. Macho makes me snigger. But enter a skinny-malinky-long-legs and I start to flutter, shift in my seat, toy with my hair, lick the tip of my fingernail thoughtfully, and send sly sidelong glances.

It’s Legolas over Aragorn, Johnny Depp over Brad Pitt, Regency Rake over Burly Scots Warrior, computer geek over cowboy, underfed artist over powerful city-suit, bony over bulging. Long slender legs captivate me; sturdy burly limbs leave me with nothing but distaste. Narrow shoulders tapering to an even narrower waist fill me with reverence; powerful pecs don’t earn a second glance. Brawny and beefy are insults, to my mind. Six-packs – well – I can take ‘em or leave ‘em, to be honest.

What I worship is hipbones. Sharp, prominent hipbones with an interior shadow that slides invitingly down into those slim-fitting jeans. The hard shape of them beneath my exploratory thumb. The purple flowerets of bruises they can leave on your inner thigh. Mmmm… hipbones…

To be honest, my tastes haven’t changed much since I was fourteen, which shows a) a woeful sexual retardation, or b) having a sufficiently hermaphrodite mind myself, I don’t feel the need for excess masculinity cluttering up the place. We’d only fight over my drill.

It was established at school that I had ‘weird taste in guys’, which I thought meant I got all the elven scrawny ones to myself. As it turned out, they mostly got each other. All the guys I’ve found irresistable have either been gay, bisexual, or thought to be gay by everyone but me. Skinny and girly? Bring it on. Make-up on men? Yummy. Look good in a dress? Borrow mine! No, really, I’ll just slip it off right now, it’s no trouble… In most gay clubs, I feel like I’m in a sweet-shop with the wrong currency.

Thankfully, body-fat percentage is not always directly proportional to heterosexuality, so I can have my oatcake and eat it. In reality, there are plenty of lean willowy gods for me to worship. In erotica, the pickings are often the only thing that’s thin. Kristina can keep her rugby team. Tilly can have all the swollen biceps. I’ll pass on the cowboys, the baseball team, the fireman, the woodcutter, and the knight, but I’ll take the alchemist, provided he’s sufficiently wan. Or rather, I’ll fight over him with Madelynne, who provided most of today’s artwork… because as it turns out, I’m not alone. (Cue music)

So how exactly not-alone am I? Who else would spurn rugged, manly, bulging, muscular, beefy, well-built, and hairy for lithe, slender, lean, elegant, graceful, and smooth? And just how many people am I expected to share this man with?


Sommer Marsden said...

Me, me, me! You must share with me. I always went for tall and lanky over brawny. I like the hipbone induced bruises, too. Give me wiry and snarling or lean and a shy grin. Gimme. Ahem...sorry. All those pictures got me worked up. I married myself a long, lean god years ago and am still :D

Great post!

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. O, I'll toast to your tastes any time. Bravo!

By the way, this line, "In most gay clubs, I feel like I’m in a sweet-shop with the wrong currency," is spot on (as Nx would say.)

Most the guys I write in my erotica (gay or otherwise) are skinny and pale with longish hair. I like the narrow androgynous types. Have since girlhood. For instance, Shaun Cassidy. None, and I do mean none, of my lovers/boyfriends have been beefcakes. Perhaps this explains a portion of my rock star obsession.

Exhibit A: Jim Morrison
Exhibit B: John Taylor
Exhibit C: Chris Cornell

Rock stars are often borderline girly, don't you think? All hips and lips and dick.

I preferred Orlando Bloom as a waif. But he beefed up recently. Too bad. At least Mr. Depp (whom you mentioned) retains his androgynous traits.

Other skinny androgynous boys I appreciate: Ryan Gosling; Jude Law; Joseph Gordon-Levitt, whose nude scenes in Mysterious Skin are sublime; and the guy I spotted in the grocery store on Saturday. He was so knobby I could have had him on top of ice cream.

Anyway, skinny guys are smarter.


Anonymous said...

P.S. Madelynne, THANK YOU for the pics! Where'd you find #2. WOW!

Portia Da Costa said...

I used to love skinny boys. I spent years besotted with one of the skinniest boys ever... and I never thought I'd change my tastes. I loved cheekbones, lean limbs, absence of any spare flesh... all with a passion.

But a few years ago, that all began to change. I started to appreciate the charms of the huskier blokes as well... mainly because I'm no sylph myself and it was so nice not to feel like a grotesquely fat old bitch in comparison to the guy I was admiring!

Now I like presence, substance, strength and might in a man... but I also think it's totally cool that you all adore these skinny lads... less competition for those of us who fancy the bigger, brawnier guys! :)

Kristina Lloyd said...

Ah, I’m so greedy! I like both. I love skinny minnies (‘the famine look’ as my friend calls it) but I also love brawn, sculpted muscle and a hint of thug. The veined, ‘see me, I’m on steroids!’ look is too much but powerful is hot: good shoulders, good back, good thighs … yum!

My 3rd book, Split, is about a woman who’s, ahem, split between two brothers. The lean, leggy puppetmaker is her main squeeze but she can’t help lusting after his beefy, bonehead brother. (Yup, there’s a fair amount of m/f/m!) Anyway, gorgeous post, lovely scrawny pics. Can I leave you with a sneak preview of Split – as autosummarized in Word? I seem to remember it was either Madelynne or Olivia who inspired me to try this several weeks ago. So double thanks, girls! Split, according to Black Lace’s recently updated website, is a ‘gothic erotic masterpiece’. It’s not out till November but here’s a Lust Bites exclusive – my, um, ‘masterpiece’ condensed:

Jake smiled. Was it Jake? Jake kept calling.
‘I want Jake. Jake shrugged. Jake didn’t move. ‘Jake! Jake’s lips, Jake’s fingers, Jake’s skinny little hipbones. Does Jake?’
Jake’s brother. ‘Jake! ‘Jake!’ ‘Jake?’ ‘Jake!’ ‘Jake!’ Jake.
It was Jake.
‘Jake!’ Jake.’ Jake, please!’
‘Jake?’ ‘Jake?’
‘Jake?’‘Jake!’ ‘Jake!’
Jake laughed falsely. Jake laughed. ‘To Jake’s. Jake wouldn’t, I thought. ‘Jake! Jake!’
I trust Jake. I asked Jake.
Eddie smiled. Jake’s stuff, not Eddie’s. Jake nodded. Jake smiled. Jake can wait. ‘Jake?’

Vincent Copsey said...

Mmm, actually #2 is one of Olivia's. I'm not taking credit for Orlando Bloom either who I find totally uninteresting, but each to their own. Legolas in the books was far more interesting.

But yes, I do like them slender, and wiry, and hipbones are good, as are cheekbones, especially if they come with long hair and eye liner... androgynous men, ooh, yes please. And I'm most disappointed with JRM for beefing up recently and cutting his

Anonymous said...

Ms O,
Your prose moved me yet again. I must be a little greedy because I like them all well developed oiled pecs, or pretty slim waifs with sharp hipbones and small tight butts.
I've lusted after Legolas in LoR, and after Mr Depp in a variety of roles, and the other day I swooned over Jude Law when I watched 'Holiday'. Yet I'm also turned on by the well developed chest, firm arms and muscular legs of men like Sawyer in Lost.
One thing that does turn me off, however, is excessive hair.I can't find anything remotely sexy about a plethora of that. Waxing for men can only be a good thing as far as I am concerned.

Nikki Magennis said...

Oh, skinny malinky boys! Oh! With long legs like a giraffe and ribs instead of pecs!

(And long fingers, got to slip the fingers in somehow...I mean, slip a reference to my finger fetish into this post.)

Yes, Olivia, I'm afraid you've got competition. I'll be scrambling over you to get to all of those pretty boys. And Will Self, and any one of those New York rock star types. The Strokes! Oh my!

Also the cute, tiny little arses on them. Long live skinny pretty! Phew...Madelynne, thanks for those photos. Very much. Did I show you Romain Duris,on this possibly dodgy French website? He's very naked and quite skinny.

Nikki Magennis said...

[Sigh] Let me try that one again...

Nekkid French boy.

Vincent Copsey said...

Hey, Kristina,

It was me that suggested the auto summary. Fun isn't it, and so accurate!!!

Okay, here's an exclusive preview of the upcoming sequel to A Gentleman's Wager. Tada! Phantasmagoria: the summary!

‘Vaughan.’ Vaughan sniffed.
‘Quick, Lucerne! Vaughan.
Bella grinned. ‘Bella, please! Bella shivered. Bella sat up. Bella frowned.
‘Vaughan!’ ‘Lucerne!’ ‘Lucerne!’
‘Bella!’ ‘Bella!’ ‘Bella.’ Bella looked.
‘Lucerne.’ ‘Bella. ‘Miss Bella Rushdale.
Vaughan’s still missing.’
Lucerne rubbed his lips. ‘Lucerne.’ ‘Bella.’ ‘Dear, Bella. ‘Bella Rushdale!’ Bella kissed him.
Vaughan. ‘Vaughan, I can’t.’ Bella gasped.
Windows,’ said Vaughan.
‘Vaughan! ‘Bella!’ ‘Lucerne,’
‘Vaughan,’ ‘Vaughan.’ ‘Vaughan.’ Vaughan
‘Bella,’ Bella nodded. Bella scowled.
Vaughan laughed. ‘Crude,’ Vaughan sighed.
‘Bella.’ ‘Bella. ‘Vaughan.’Vaughan asked.
Vaughan sneered. Vaughan shrugged. Lucerne pounced. Vaughan shrugged.
‘Lucerne.’‘Lucerne.’ ‘Lucerne!’
‘Goodbye, Bella.’

Anonymous said...

Legolas was sexy, but I like a bit of finely honed muscle on my men. They've got to have broad shoulders, a tapered waist, strong forearms (ooh, forearms!) and manly hands.

Turn-offs? Hairy backs. UGH!

Megan Kerr said...

What fascinates me in that autosummary is that even erotica characters have trouble with Windows...
Damn. Now I have to share my sweeties with the WHOLE class. 'Snot fair! But James Franco is all mine, okay? I saw him first, so don't you go kissing him behind the bike shed. (And mmm, #2 is one of my personal favourites too - okay, so not him either, right? You can have some of the others. Maybe. When I'm not using them.)

Vincent Copsey said...

Maybe we could instigate a time share policy, Olivia?

Madelynne (who is off to work out why her characters are so concerned about Windows!)

Janine Ashbless said...

Aieee ... they all look like they'd snap if I jumped them! Or is that the point?

So, do Top women tend to prefer skinny men?

Actually I used to like slender blokes best. Brawn has crept up on me with age. Also going out with Mr Ashbless helped convert me, 'cos he's not a little guy. You should see him in a barbarian loincloth...

Janine Ashbless said...

But Johnny Depp is still beautiful.

Portia Da Costa said...

Agree with you there, Janine. Johnny is beautiful.

He's lean and androgynous and all that, but he still has a strength and commanding presence too. I don't see him as fragile somehow...

And the right big man can look fabulous in eyeliner too. :)

Alison Tyler said...

And the right big man can look fabulous in eyeliner too. :)
Oh, yes, Wendy, totally agree... my fave is Tim Curry. But sometimes I think I don't want to fuck him, I want to be him.

Not into the skinny boys, personally (as everyone knows by now). I dated an underwear model once, and I was very freaked by his beautiful, thin, perfect body. It felt like competition. Would rather have a man who can bench press me. Or me and a few of my best friends...

Anonymous said...

I'm with the brutes on this one: I need someone who won't break if I throw them around a bit (ok a lot).

But I do make (some) exceptions. If we're talking skinny-boy rockers, you can't beat Brandon Flowers from The Killers. He's pouty, broody, self-consciously theatrical and scruffy. I bet he sulks well too...

Megan Kerr said...

We could start a skinny-bloke pool, like those book-clubs at school. You each have to contribute one to join, and then you get to borrow a different one each week.

Does anyone have an actual pool we can keep them in? Suitably supplied with lilos and sunglasses, of course.

Nikki Magennis said...

Hey Mina, thanks for Brendan. But I'm mostly coveting that girls Incredible Hair. Wow. I wonder, no, no, it'll never work. Pah.

Olivia, but I don't want to lend my skinny boy out. He's mine. Unless you mean imaginary ones? Okay, cool.

Megan Kerr said...

Okay, Nikki, you can have Jo from The Ten Visions. He's a consumptive overeducated womaniser. Who do I get?

Stacy S said...

I like the in between guys. Not real big but not real skinny. Now Johnny Depp is hot.

Madeline Moore said...

Um - now that's something new. An old comment reposted in place of my new one. Bother blogger. Okay, try again - great post Olivia. Very thought-provoking. I started out my romantic life in Thailand, so it was all blue-black haired skinny boys. Once i was back in Canada I hooked up with a Korean black belt - the best of both worlds. Skinny guy who could toss me about with the flick of a wrist, literally. After that my tastes began to vary wildly, with one exception - ix nay to the hirsute types. Have you ever cleaned a drain after a hairy guy has had a shower? OMG. Permanent turnoff. Now, I like 'em just like Felix, a bit beefy and very brainy. One thing I have always adored - a man with a flat ass. Don't ask me why. As for Mr. Depp, what's NOT to like? An endearing pirate with eyeliner, a money maker, clearly intelligent, AND a good partner and dad. Doesn't the whole world love him?
Finally, the problem with rock star types who are all lips and hips and dick is that the dick don't do nothin' but hum 'sweet Jane'...
Finally, ladies! Aren't you worried that publishing these auto-summaries will cut back on your sales? hoho.

Nikki Magennis said...

Oh, Madeline, I had a Korean boyfriend once! Now that was lovely and skinny. With blue-black hair, and no body hair. None. He shaved. Mmm....

O, you may have...Henri from Circus Excite, if you fancy. I think I called him 'spidery'. He did knife throwing, among other things...I based him vaguely on Marilyn Manson.

Anonymous said...

"Finally, the problem with rock star types who are all lips and hips and dick is that the dick don't do nothin' but hum 'sweet Jane'..."

Madeline, I just have to say what?

Nx, a finger fetish? Do tell more! That's cool you based Henri on Marilyn Manson. Didn't know that. Marilyn is quite a deal more intelligent than most people realize, and he's also bi, which makes him more interesting (ambiguous) than your average guy.

Olivia, skinny bloke pool? Love it. Think I'd like to toss Topher Grace in there too. Just saw him in a film with Laura Linney last night. She, older Ivy League prof with a mournful, lovely face; him young stunningly skinny and talented art student hopeful.


Unknown said...

No thank you
I can admire the skinny ones, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Legolas in particular but I have 3 skinny sons and all I want to do when I see a skinny lad is feed him.
sigh-too much mummyness in me I fear.
Also would worry that I might break something if I jumped them.
I like to feel small and vulnerable, enclosed by a strong pair of arms.

Anonymous said...

Well I reserve the right to change my mind at any time, and to have thought different things in the past and to make an exception for Gaius Baltar (you get to Earth - call me), but really, my rule is this:

I weight more than 200lbs, and, baby, I like a man who can sweep me off my feet.

MM x

Madeline Moore said...

Thank you Nikki. I luv circus types - my short story 'The Bearded Lady' takes place in 'Circus Amazing' and I luv the sound of 'Circus Excite' and Henry.
Alana, Translation of: "Finally, the problem with rock star types who are all lips and hips and dick is that the dick don't do nothin' but hum 'sweet Jane'..."
is - a lot of rock star types who are all lips and hips and dicks are heroin addicts.

Lucy Felthouse said...

Fight you for Orlando!!! Have you seen 'The Calcium Kid?' It's a crap film but he gets his kit off so that's enough for me!!

ADR Forte said...

janine: re Top women preferring skinny boys, not for me. There's nothing I like better than having a tough, badass boy (who could probably snap ME in half) begging... preferably on his knees :D

I like to look at the super skinny emo boys and admire them. They're easy on the eyes, like fine art. But I wouldn't want one in the bedroom.

Anonymous said...

Hi Madeline,

Oh. Got'cha I'd go on the defensive except . . . my fav lips, hips, dick guy, Scott Weiland, is a recovering heroin junkie. And so, chagrined, I partially but not entirely agree.

Janine Ashbless said...

I sort of like Russell Brand and he's a skinny streak o'piss.

Mind you, I'd have to gag him first. He stops being sexy the second he starts talking.

Adr Forte, thank-you. You put quite a picture in my head!

Portia Da Costa said...

Oh, yes, Wendy, totally agree... my fave is Tim Curry. But sometimes I think I don't want to fuck him, I want to be him.

I know what you mean, Alison...

Now he's a substantial guy, and he just looks so fantastic in full makeup and drag...

Been thinking about all this, and have come to the conclusion that it's the sheer diversity of hot men out there that I like... seems a shame to limit oneself to fancying only one particular type!

Alison Tyler said...

...seems a shame to limit oneself to fancying only one particular type!
I agree with you, Wendy, especially now that I know there are men out there who can play Velvet Underground songs with their dicks.

(Thanks for clarifying, Alana. I was lost, too!)

Anonymous said...

now that I know there are men out there who can play Velvet Underground songs with their dicks

This could be a whole new twist on karaoke.

Nikki Magennis said...


Nikki Magennis said...


Anonymous said...

At least it would solve the problem of singers not knowing what to do with their hands.

Alison Tyler said...

Attention please...
Nobody try to get in the last joke when Jeremy's in the room!